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Title: THE SIGN, THE WINE, THE BREAD
PAGE TWO
From: Father Ted Crilley Dear Samuel,
[Samuel finally decides to email my fake lad and have words] Date: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 03:56:14 -0700 (PDT) guy how are you, you know say this mugu work nobi transfer or nest of kin.as
you they workam so the job will spoil,beacose na GOD something.
so what i want you to do is ,reply this mail and tell me how we
can see,so that we can talk and how we go my guy make you know fear,or you can send some body who can
represent you, as you know that this is business. reply and tell me where we go see by 3 pm today. but if you feel say you no go come this job go spiol. so make you try come by 3 so that by end of today make we know where we day for this man job thanks
[I send a reply from my fake lads account. My Pidgin English is less than useless, so I try to make an excuse for not using it too much!] From: Joseph Otumba [Fake lad] You no talk big grammar lak me. see me talk i am educated in England so can be convincing to the church man I will share the money but you have to help me in this. The big man man is asking for some proof and we need to give it to him. If we argue he will get suspicious and finish this deal. I told him I will send $20 in cash to him but if we make a deal it is better you send him the $20 and I tell him I cannot. this way when he receive your $20 he will know to trust you. We can share the money if you Alau this. You tell him you will send the $20 for proof and if you agree to this I will tell him I cannot send the $20 deal? If no then Arrange yua sef because God don butta my bread wit dis mugu if you agree i will let the mugu send you the money then we canmeet to share the cash
Date: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 10:09:38 -0700 (PDT) DEAR IN THE LORD, I RECIEVED YOUR MAIL OF YESTERDAY AND NOTED THE CONTENTS THEREIN. ATTACHED ARE ANOTHER VIEW POINT OF OUR CHURCH. THANKS FOR YOUR EXPLAINATORY MAIL WHICH EXPRESSED ME AS YOUR FIRST CONTACT. TO PROOF MY FACT, I EXPLAINED TO YOU THAT OTUMBA
& CO, STARTED CONTACTING YOU AFTER YOUR NAME WAS I HAVE WARNED YOU TO STOP FURTHER COMMUNICATION
WITH OTUNBA & CO, TO AVOID BLAM AT LAST. I HAVE TENDER THIS
MATTER TO THE CHURCH COMMITEE AND EVERY PERSON WERE AMAZED ON THIS
URGLY SITUATON. THE CHURCH COMMITEE HAVE MAPPED OUT MEASURES TO TACKLE THIS ISSUE IN OTHER TO FIND THE CULPRINTS OUT,NOTE THIS, IN A HOUSE OF GOD THERE MUST BE "A" JUDAS EVEN AMONG THE DISIPLES OF JESUS CHRIST. YOU SAID THAT ALL THE THINGS OTUMBA SENT TO YOU SEEMS TO BE TRUTFUL, NOTE THAT HE HAS BEEN MONITORING THE DEVELOPMENT SO FAR AND THE COMMITEE. AS OF NOW, WE DO NOT KNOW OTUMBA IN PERSON, THEREFORE, YOU ARE WARNED TO KEEP AWAY FROM HIM AND REGARD ANY INFORMATION FROM HIM INVALID. REFFRENCE TO YOUR MAIL, IT WAS OBSERVED THAT OTUMBA INTENDS TO SEND $ 20, TO YOU.WHAT DOES THAT MEANT FOR?, IT IS TO CONVIENCE YOU TO SEND HIM THE DONATION YOU HAVE PROPPOSED FOR THE LORD?, THE $ 20 DOLLARS CAN NOT PROOF ANY SENCERITY OR HONESTY OF OTUMBA, BECAUSE THE SAME OTUMBA HAD EARLIER REQUESTED FOR HELP FROM YOU AND NOW TURNED ARROUND TO SEND YOU $ 20 DOLLARS FOR YOUR CHURCH TO ENTICE YOU. LET BE SENSITIVE WITH THIS MAN CALLED OTUMBA & CO. MEANWHILE, YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT THIS PROBLEM
WOULDN'T STOP YOU TO DO WHAT GOD HAS DIRECTED YOU TO DO. THE CHURCH
COMMITEE HAVE AGREED TO INVITE YOU DURING OUR NEW YEAR CRUSADE COMING
JANUARY 2004. MAY THE ALMIGHTY GOD BE WITH YOU AND YOUR COMMITEE
FOR YOUR EFFORT AND YOUR UNDERSTANDING SO FAR. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU AS YOU PROMISED TO GET BACK TO ME, THAT WAS WHY I COULD NOT SEND YOU MAIL SINCE MORNING. REGARS, {EVANG SAMUEL EZE.} [Samuel attaches the mother of all bad photo-editing jobs. He's taken the original Vatican pic he sent to me, stretched it, and then added a home-made sign to it. Notice on the enlarged version the sign legs actually end outside of the picture!]
From: Father Ted Crilley Dear Samuel, I am disturbed by the last image that you sent to me. You showed me a picture with a sign, yet Mr. Otumba has sent me the EXACT same picture, without the sign. How can you explain this? Also, the picture you sent is the same picture you sent to me, but it has somehow been stretched. This is very suspicious. With regard to the $20. Mr. Otumba has said that this would prove his dedication to me. I have told him that I would only accept the following: 1. That he send $20 in cash by priority mail. Mr. Otumba said yesterday that he would send this payment because when it arrives I know he is the serious one in this deal. I think that because he is going to the trouble of doing this for me that he must be more truthful. Also, you say why is Otumba willing to send me $20 when he is asking me for money.... I can ask you why you are needing my money when your church looks so big and powerful. I have never seen a church that looks so big before. I have contacted Mr. Otumba and told him that I would give the donation to the first of you who send me the $20 by mail. One who is very serious about this donation will make the best effort to satisfy my troubled mind. Blessings, Father Ted Crilley
[Samuel seems a bit biffed. He sends me the following Cap-Locked and BOLD message...] Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 02:42:16 -0800 (PST) DEAR IN THE LORD, I BEGAN TO SURPECT ALL THIS SITUATION. I CONTACTED YOU FOR HELP IN OUR MINISTRY, YOU DID NOT EVEN GIVE ME YOUR PRIVATE PHONE NUMBER SINCE THEN. AFTER SOME FEW DAYS YOU TOLD ME THAT SOME BODY CALLED OTUMBA CONTACTED YOU ALSO FROM THESAME OF OUR MINISTRY. I ASKED FOR OTUMBA'S PHONE NUMBER , YOU COULD NOT BE ABLE TO PROVIDE THAT EVEN YOUR OWN. NOW, HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE THIS THING IF YOU ARE NOT IN THE SAME PLAN WITH OTUMBA?. I AM NOT READY TO SEND EVEN A CENT FOR THE SITUATION, BECAUSE MY MINISTRY IS VERY POOR, THAT WAS WHY I CONTACTED YOU FOR THE ASSISTANT.
THEREFORE, IF YOU WANT TO SEND US THE DONATION AS YOU PROMISED INITUALLY, PLEASE KINDLY DO IT AND FORGET THE ISSUE OF OTUMBA & CO.
REGARDS AND GOD BLESS YOU. EVANG SAMUEL EZE.
From: Father Ted Crilley Dear Samuel, On the 24th of October I sent you my personal telephone number TWICE. Here it is again 044 7092 037 526 (United Kingdom). [Actually, I didn't send him the number, but what the Hell!] If you do not want the donation, that is fine with me. I will contact Mr. Otuumba instead. It is obvious that for some reason you do not trust me, when it seems like I am the one who is being lied to. If your ministry is so poor, perhaps it would be a good idea not to spend money for the Internet connection? By the way, I cannot give you Otumba's phone number because he
has not yet given it to me. What he has given me is more honest
answers. Good bye, Father Ted Crilley.
[Samuel grovels] Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 10:11:59 -0800 (PST) DEAR FATHER IN THE LORD, RECEIVED YOUR MAIL AND SINCERELY I AM SORRY FOR THE WORDS I USED IN MY PREVIOUS MAILS TO YOU WHICH YOU DO NOT DESERVE. YOU KNOW QUITE WELL THAT WE ARE HUMAN AND IN SITUATION LIKE THIS ONE ATIMES GET CONFUSED. THE FACT IS THAT I BELIEVE THAT WHATEVER GOD HAD SIGNED MUST COME TO PASS, THEREFORE NO MATTER WHAT OTUMBA & CO ARE PLANNING AGAINST OUR CHURCH MUST FAIL BECAUSE I KNOW THE GOD I AM SERVING. I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT OTUMBA IS AFTER YOUR MONEY. THAT IS ALL. HE IS NOT AFTER THE INTEREST OF GOD'S LOVE BIBLE MINISTRY. NOTE THAT I HAVE EARLIER TOLD YOU THAT I DO NOT KNOW WHO THIS OTUMBA IS EVEN UP TILL THIS MOMENT. IF HE IS OUR CHURCH MEMBER, I DO NOT KNOW. ALL I KNOW IS WHOMEVER THIS OTUMBA MIGHT BE, HE HAS EVERY KNOWLEDGE OF YOUR WILLING DONATION TO THIS CHURCH. MEANWHILE AS EARLIER INDICATED TO YOU, ALL THE REQUIREMENTS HAD BEEN FULLFILLED WHICH I HOPED ARE IN YOUR CUSTODY IN CASE OF VERIFICATION. PLEASE KINDLY SEEK THIS OTUMBA'S PHONE NUMBER. THIS WILL ASSIST AND ENHANCE IN KNOWING WHO THIS VERY MAN IS. PLEASE AND WITH THE MERCY OF GOD ALMIGHTY, WE NEED THIS DONATION TO REHABILITATE OUR CHURCH AND HELP SOME NEEDY ONES ESPECIALLY THE PREVILAGE, ORPHANS etc. TOMORROW, WE'LL SEND TO YOU AN ACCOUNT WHERE YOU WILL SEND THE "GOD'S APPROVED WILL DONATION" TO. TODAY, I AND MY ASSISTING PASTORS COMMENCED FASTING ON THIS URGLY DEVELOPMENT AND HOPED GOD WILL DO HIS WORK. I TRIED YOUR PHONE SENT TO ME BUT ALL EFFORTS YIELDED NO END. ONCE MORE SORRY FOR ALL INCONVINIENCES AND MY PAST STATEMENT TO YOU. REGARDS, EVANG. SAMUEL EZE. GOD'S LOVE BIBLE MINISTRY
[Samuel contacts my fake Joseph Otumba again] Date: Tue, 28 Oct 2003 23:46:00 -0800 (PST) I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE COLLETED THE MONEY FROM
THE [I didn't bother to reply. Make him sweat]
From: Father Ted Crilley Dear Samuel, [I attach the photograph I received in my other bait 'The Church of Bread & Wine' which happens to be a picture of another lad messing about with a loaf of bread and bottle of win.! I'm sure regular readers have already seen it!]
Click to enlarge.
[Samuel is frustrating] Date: Wed, 29 Oct 2003 00:58:13 -0800 (PST) PLEASE ,WHAT IS YOUR REQUEST THAT I HAVE NEVER COMPLY ,PL I WILL LIKE TO KNOW. GOD BLESS YOU EVANG SAMUEL EZE
From: Father Ted Crilley Dear Samuel, This is what the donation committee have demanded: Send $20 in cash by priority mail then they would IMMEDIATELY approve the payment to you by virtue of you being the one to first show 100% proof of your integrity. They have agreed that the payment would be made to you the very same day that your gesture of proof arrives. This is the fastest way that I can think that this situation can be resolved. I am sorry but my hands are tied here Samuel. Because of this Mr. Otumba the situation has been made very difficult for me and the committee will only free the cash to the person who sends the payment. Nothing you can say will convince them, they are demanding physical proof. If you do not want to send the payment then I am afraid I can no longer help you. If you will send the payment, please let me know ASAP and I will give you the address of my ministry. Blessings, Father Ted Crilley. [Surely Samuel can't pass this up?!]
[Samuel again contacts my fake Joseph Otumba guy] Date: Sat, 1 Nov 2003 10:19:18 -0800 (PST) BOY LOOK GUY CANNOT GUY A GUY, SO COOL , I STARTED THIS GUY SINCE 1971 SO SHECK HOW MANY YEARS THANKS [Haven't a clue what he's talking about here (1971?). I ignore him again]
[Two days after sending the above email and Samuel still hasn't replied. Time for an ultimatum...] From: Father Ted Crilley Dear Samuel, How are you? I hope you are well. I have been told by the Donation Committee to inform you that if you do not send your payment of $20 by the 7th of November then the donation award will be cancelled and the payment will then be forwarded to the next worthy cause. Once the award has gone through the cancellation procedure this cannot be reversed under any circumstances. I urge you to act very quickly if you still require the donation. Please remember that your $20 will be returned with the donation. I am sorry to have to make this demand of you but the end of the churches financial year is the 13th of November and all excess church funds that have not been claimed will be forwarded to the Inland Revenue so as to avoid UK tax charges. If you are not prepared to send this payment, please let me know urgently so that I can close this case. Sincerely, Father Ted Crilley.
Date: Sat, 1 Nov 2003 01:37:53 -0800 (PST) DEAR FATHER TED, I AM SORRY THAT OUR MINISTRY DID NOT PROMISED TO SEND $ 20 FOR THE FIRST DAY. THEREFORE, IN THIS REGARDS, KNOWING THE RIGHT PEOPLE WITH $20 DOLLARS IS WHAT WE CAN NOT AFFORD, BECAUSE WE KNEW THAT THE TRUTH MUST BE OUT EATHER NOW OR IN THE NEXT TO COME. WE NEVER GIVE BRIBE IN OUR MINISTRY, IF OTUMBA PROMISED TO GIVE YOU $20 DOOLARS, YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND GET THE MONEY FROM HIM, HENCE THE $20 DOLLARS IS WHAT WILL MAKE HIM BEING THE RIGHTFUL ONE.
[Sadly, I have to admit defeat. Looks like Samuel will not send me the $20. Three days later I send him a final email] Dear Samuel. How are you? Yes, that's right, this is "Father Ted Crilley" here. Do you recognise the email you sent to "Joseph Otumba" below? I think it is time to start telling the truth to you. Joseph Otumba was a man I invented to fool you. In fact, Joseph Otumba and myself are one and the same person. You see, like yourself, I opened a fake Yahoo account, and sent the Otumba emails to you. I have seen the emails you sent to Joseph Otumba. Look, I think you should start telling the truth now Samuel (maybe that is not your real name). You know and I know that the God's Love Bible Ministry does not exist. In fact, you have made this name up just to try to scam people like me out of my money. Of course, I am not a church man myself, and of course my church, "The Church of Bread & Wine" does not exist. All the pictures of the church I sent to you were fakes. I added the name of the church myself to fool you. I have attached some pictures of the real pictures that I edited. You will see that the church is not called The Church of Bread and Wine, and the picture I sent you of Joseph Otumba with the sign was fake. I wrote the sign myself, and added it to the picture. I really laughed so much at the church photo that you sent to me! You idiot, you sent me a picture of one of the most famous buildings in the world! The church picture you sent to me was the VATICAN in Rome. And what about that stupid sign that you made up outside the church?! That was the worst forgery I have ever seen! Even my dog would be able to make a better forgery than that. [I attached some of the un-edited picture for him, just to rub his nose it it a little more]
Sadly Samuel hasn't given me the courtesy of replying
to my email
END.
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