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TITLE: Busted!
SCAMMER NAME: Ony Obo
SCAMMER LOCATION: Lagos, Nigeria
SCAMBAITER: Shiver Metimbers
For a slight change, we have a scammer trying to ply his trade
via a different routine. This time it's a repentant dying man, wanting
to distribute his millions to charity. Of course, were someone to
reply to this email wanting to help, the victim would have course
pay fictitious "fees" to a fake barrister that the scammer
would hire to handle the cash transfer.
We've had carvings and artwork from scammers on quite a few
occasions now, and I think it's time to move on to other ways to
cause misery for these thieves, so for my final attempt at getting
artwork out of a scammer I'll try for something a little different.
It all starts way back near the end of July 2006...
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Date: July 23rd 2006
Subject: HELP ME TO SPREAD GOODNESS
Hello my friend,
Hope this day finds you well?, I am Ony Obo a merchant
in Nigeria, I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer, It has
defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only
about a few months to live, according to medical experts.
I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really
cared for anyone (not even myself) but my business. Though I am
very rich, I was never generous,I was always hostile to people and
only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for.
But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life
than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world.
Now that God is about to call me, I have willed and given most
of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members
as well as a few close friends. I want God to be merciful to me
and accept my souL. I have decided to give also to charity organizations,
as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So
far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the
U.A.E, Algeria, Sudan, Europe and Kenya. Now that my health has
deteriorated so badly, I
cannot do this myself anymore.
I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts
and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization
in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they refused and kept the money to themselves.
Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended
with what I have left for them. I will want you to help me collect
my last deposit and dispatched it to charity organizations which
I deposited in security/finance house abroad,
which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of (Twelve Million
Eight Hundred Thousand U.S dollars) I have set aside 25% for you,
then 5% for any expenses incured.
If you are interested, please send your prompt reply to my private
email address below which you will have to reply to if you will
be kind enough to assist;
Email: [email protected]
God bless you
Ony Obo
Things to note:
This guy is a grade 'A' P.O.S. Along with this email - which
scambaiters have seen many dozens of times in many variations -
he sent quite disturbing photographs of a poor guy obviously at
death's door in a hospital bed. The images are too depressing and
private to publish here, and also, they are not of the scammer himself
(obviously). Many scambaiters will be familiar with the photographs
as they have been sent by many hundreds of scammers all over the
Internet. We now know who the real patient is, and sadly he passed
away in May of 2005. This hasn't of course stopped this particular
lowlife from spreading his photographs over the net to try to shock
people into helping him.
Unfortunately the real patient's wife has became aware that
scammers have been passing her husband's photographs all over the
Internet, and in fact she contacted 419eater.com about it. One can
only imagine the pain and suffering this is causing her. Not only
does she have to cope with the loss of her husband, but also the
fact that thousands of scammers out there are passing her husband's
photos all over the Internet in an attempt to scam people.
Time to teach this worm a lesson.
NOTE: Some names have been changed to protect this in-progress
scambait, mainly the scammer's real name.
OK. On with the old faithful "art company" introduction.
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
Dear Mr. Obo,
Thank you very much for your very interesting email, however I am
afraid that I will be unable to help you at this time. These next
three months are by far the busiest and most profitable period for
my company and I cannot give any time to anything other than finding
new artwork for our galleries especially wooden carvings.
You may already know of me since it was you that contacted me. My
name is Brian Anthony and I am the director of Brian Anthony Fine
Arts & Artist Scholarships. We are dealers in fine art and ethnic
art from all over the world. We run eight art galleries and two
scholarship centres here in the UK. We also offer scholarship donations
to aid up and coming new artists who may otherwise not have the
financial means to be able to produce or improve upon their work.
Our scholarship payments range from between $25,000 and $150,000
depending on the potential of the artist.
I am sorry but I am unable to enter into your business proposition
at this time, however if you have any contacts in your part of the
world who may be artists that you think may benefit from our financial
help then I would be very interested to be put in touch with them.
We are especially very keen on promoting new artists with experience
in wood carving and will be happy to offer a very generous $25,000
to $150,000 scholarship package to young or old artists with good
potential who may benefit from our help.
You may see some of our latest recipients and awards on our website
(just click on the "visit this page" link on our homepage).
If you know of an artist who could benefit from our financial help
and who would be prepared to produce work for us to sell or promote
then please do let me know.
Again I am sorry that I am unable to help with your proposition
at this time but I wish you luck in finding somebody to help you.
Sincerely,
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
Will this poor dying cancer victim be able to do some work for
me before he kisses goodbye to this mortal world - surely not?
Well I thought my initial reply had put Obo off as he didn't
reply for nearly two weeks...
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: I WOULD ACCEPT YOUR
mr anthony,
it give me great pleasure to discover you, since this had being
my unending quest. sir, i do request your sponsorship in my artistic
career. (What "career"? You're going to be dead
in a few weeks man!) i own an art studio here in nigeria,
and would be glad should your count me worthy of your donation
thanks
ony Obo.
Strange? He didn't mention his art studio in his first email.
Still, if you're dying of cancer and only have weeks to live I suppose
mundane things like that can slip your mind easily. Obo got back
to me a little too late though...
I have decided for this particular artwork that I would like
the scammer to carve a representation of my own head! Can a dying
man fulfil my request?
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
Dear Mr. Obo,
I am sorry but your reply has come quite late and we have nearly
completed our full quota of sponsorships & donations for this
year. Presently the only artists that we are seeking are those who
have the ability to carve busts (heads). I have attached some examples
to show you what I mean.
If you do have the ability to produce such carvings to our specifications
then I would indeed be interested in hearing from you, otherwise
I do apologise but we have no other opportunities until later on
in the year.
Just for your information I have included information on our programme:
HOW OUR DONATION/SCHOLARSHIP PROCEDURE WORKS:
1. Before we could make any kind of monetary payment to any artist
we would of course require proof of your abilities. We do not ask
artists to send in prepared samples of their work because of course
there is no way for our foundation to know if the carving is indeed
the artists own work, therefore we would require you to provide
a brand new sample for us to evaluate your abilities.
2. My company will submit to you (by email attachment) a sample
photograph or photographs of an item that we would wish you to carve
and submit to us. You would then be required to carve a representation
of the image we send to you. Once your have completed the work it
is to be sent to us for evaluation and then a donation amount would
be awarded according to your skill or potential. Our donation payments
range from between a minimum of $25,000 up to $150,000.
3. On receipt of a satisfactory piece of artwork my four board members
will then gauge the quality and therefore the size of the donation/scholarship
amount to send to you. The payment is sent by whatever means suits
you best and is made usually within 24 hours of receiving your work.
IMPORTANT: The artwork will have to be shipped to us for evaluation.
Please note that no payments whatsoever can be given in advance
of receiving the artwork. It is very important that you understand
this completely. Your shipping charges WILL be refunded in full
however they will only be refunded once we receive the sample. Please
do not ask us to supply any payment in advance of receiving the
artwork because your request will be refused.
Kind regards,
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
I hope Obo isn't too ill to reply.
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: I WOULD ACCEPT YOUR TERMS
Mr Brian,
i am very mush pleased with ur sample, at this stage i would
want you to send me the particular sample you want from me. and
also send along with its details.
ony Obo.
best regards
Phew!
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
Dear Mr. Obo,
[Just a quick note here to let readers know that at this point
I set up a slightly complicated reason for the images I attached.
Obviously giving scammers any of your real detail (including as
I did, my photograph!) is definitely not recommended, however to
get this scammer to carve my own head I had to give him photos of
myself. I gave Obo a cover story to put him off the scent as
to who the photo was actually of]
To qualify for our sponsorship/donation payment you must recreate
Mr. xxxxx's head in the wood of your choice to the best of your
abilities. Please note the following qualification rules:
1. The carving can be any size you choose but must be a MINIMUM
of 10 inches along the longest HEIGHT. Obviously you will need to
take into consideration the weight of the carving so that the shipping
cost is not to great for you, however, remember that we will of
course reimburse your shipping costs in full on receipt of the artwork.
You may make your carving larger than the minimum height if you
wish but no larger than 18 inches along the longest HEIGHT.
2. The carving can be in any type of wood that you choose, but must
NOT be painted. Obviously the quality of the wood, and if possible
a polished smooth finish will increase the chances of your donation
payment being larger. Hard woods such as ebony, mahogany, walnut
or cherry would be preferable woods to use however we are happy
to leave the choice of wood up to the expertise of the artist. Attention
to detail is important and will help my board members to judge the
skill of the artists.
NOTE: An exact duplicate of the sample is not required as
we are presently uncertain of your skills, however the closer your
work is to the supplied sample then the higher the donation payment
is likely to be.
You will need to ship the completed sample to us by a courier such
as FedEx, DHL or similar fast courier. You may choose a slower and
cheaper postal system if you wish to, but please bear in mind that
of course the longer the sample takes to arrive with us then the
longer it will take for your payment to be calculated. All your
shipping fees will be refunded in full but your fees will only be
refunded AFTER we receive the completed sample. It is not our company
policy to pay for work that we have not yet received.
On receipt of satisfactory artwork we will then judge the skill
level of the artist submission and will reward you with a monetary
donation depending on the quality of your work As mentioned previously,
the minimum donation amount per artist is $25,000 but this can rise
up to $150,000 per artist. Note that my board member will usually
pay higher amounts for carvings which have obviously taken great
skill and time to produce. Donation payment are usually given within
24 hours of us receiving the sample artwork.
Should your artist be some skill we would then like to make arrangements
to have some more work produced by you after we have received your
sample. If this is the case we will of course pay your full fees
in advance. As a guideline for good quality carvings we tend to
pay between $2,000 - $15,000 per item depending on the subject matter
and/or size, so as you can see if your work is of sufficient quality
you could benefit greatly from our partnership.
Kind regards,
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
[Photos attached]
A week after sending the photos, Obo gets back to me with
good news.
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: please do reply quickly to this mail
mr Brian,
i am already at work with the carving of the burst head of mr
peter lord , i am at present worried of the shipping address, so
, i wish that you mail me the shipping address and your phone number.
for my easy conveyance and communication.
best regards
ony Obo.
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
Dear Mr. Obo,
Thank you for your email.
My contact telephone number is +44 8707 6xxxxx
The shipping address (our head office) is below also. Please ensure
that you advice me of the date you will be shipping the sample carving
so that I may ensure myself and my board members will be ready to
expect it.
Sincerely,
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
[Anonymous postal address attached]
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: Re: please do reply quickly to this mail
mr. Brian
am realy taking my time out to give you the very best of my
expertise, i would be sending the sample in two weeks from now,
reason being that for me to successfully send it i need to undergo
some legal procedure from the ART AND ANTIQUITIES COMMISSION ,in
my country so that i wont be aprehended at the course of sending
it over to you. i do warmly apoligise for any inconviniencies that
i might have course you. i realy rely doing business with you.
thanks for your cooporation.
ony Obo.
A week later, Obo gets in touch.
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: Re: please do reply quickly to this mail
Goodday, need intimate you on the fact that i will be sending
the burst head by nest week , cos of the of the legal process that
i afformentioned in my previuos mail to you. i now need the shipping
address of you secretary to enable me send the work. thank you.
(That would be the address I already gave you a week
ago, dumbass.)
ony Obo
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
Dear Mr. Ony,
Thank you for your email and I am glad to learn that the carving
will be ready soon. I have repeated the address for you below, however
please mark the package for the attention of my secretary Miss Lindsey
Francis. I shall not be in the office next week however Miss Francis
will notify me immediately that your work arrives and I shall then
contact you the same day.
Please address the package exactly as follows:
[Anonymous shipping address]
VERY IMPORTANT: Please ensure the carving is carefully packaged
and protected from damage. We can not give out any awards for damaged
artwork.
Thank you again for your message and please notify me of any tracking
numbers etc. once the item has been shipped.
Sincerely,
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: completed work
dear mr anthony,
is nice to hear from you once again, i am done with the work
but i am not yet done with my countrys laws regarding exportation
of artwork from the country, but i am persuaded that i will be done
on saturday but our poster service dose not work on that day , hence
i will send it over without fail on tuesday,the reason for this
delay, is the fact that many people uses this means to trafic hard
drugs, and if should be hot with them, it my land me in big trouble
, please do understand and bear with me , cos i do not want any
thing that will wrong our transactions. am sorry for any inconvinience,
least i forget , i will be sending my work via NIPOST, my country
national courier service.this is to asertain the fact that it is
pure and clean.
thanks for your understanding,
ony Obo
Obo's health seems to be holding up well, and not a single
complaint. What a brave man.
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
Dear Mr. Obo,
Thank you for your email and your confirmation of shipping the item.
I shall of course notify you immediately that your package arrives.
One question that I forgot to ask you previously. Can you recall
the height of the completed carving? It is not important if you
do not recall.
When your carving arrives it will be immediately inspected and providing
there is no damage I will contact you to explain your payment amount
and any other future work you may wish to do for us. If you are
interested we also have a yearly convention where many of our members
gather together to share information, help and ideas for work. Everyone
is welcome and I will post you all the relevant information about
that shortly.
Sincerely,
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
A couple of weeks go by with no sign of the carving, along with
several, "has it arrived yet" emails from Obo. Finally
though, the carving does arrive and it's a pretty good job:
A big plus mark for Obo is that his artist (you didn't really
think he carved this himself did you?!) made me look thinner, so
full marks for that one!
I'll give Obo the good news.
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
Dear Mr. Obo,
I am writing to you to confirm that my secretary has telephoned
my to let me know that your package has now been received. I shall
be returning to my office later this evening to inspect the work
and I shall be in touch with you as soon as possible.
Sincerely,
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: confirmation
Brian Anthony
i wond be glad should you intimate me the donation procedures.
thanks
Ony
There's a problem (regular readers will know, there's always
a problem with me!). I make out that I've previously sent Obo
a couple of unanswered emails.
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
Dear Mr. Obo,
I have written to you twice over the last couple of days but have
not had a reply to my questions. I shall repeat them here once more.
As I told you some days ago, I can confirm that I have received
your sample carving, and it has now been inspected by my board members.
We have however noticed a small problem, and before we decide top
authorise your payment we need to knew the answer to the following
questions:
1. Were you the person responsible for packaging the sample?
2. Was the packaged sample stored for any long period of time before
shipping?
3. Was the packaged sample left unattended for any long period of
time?
Please get back to me as soon as possible with your reply.
Sincerely,
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: Re: confirmation
mr. Brian
1. i took the sample work to the poster service, they did the
packaging.
2.it was not stored for long before shipping.
3.it was not left unattended.
i did the work with a very durable wood with the capacity of more
than 30yrs life span . it is called IRON WOOD.
Now for the really bad news!
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
Dear Mr. Obo,
I am surprised by your replies because I must be truthful with you
and tell you that I was very shocked when I opened your package.
Before I even opened the box I was suspicious that something was
wrong. In the bottom corner there was a small hole about 3 inches
wide which looked like it had been chewed open. On opening the package
I was given a great shock as some kind of rodent jumped out and
nearly had my eye out, the little bastard. My personal assistant
Mr. Ernest Crevis acted quickly and managed to capture the rodent
with his fireman's helmet.
As you can see by the attached image, something very wrong has happened
to the carving. I was greatly impressed by the original photographs
that you sent to me on August 9th however the pictures you sent
to me are proof of some very disturbing happenings during the shipping
to me. Not only does the carving seem to have changed colour but
two very large holes have been chewed into the head by the rodent
which nearly left me cyclopic.
We managed to capture the responsible rodent and so as not to make
it too nervous of its surroundings we decided to keep it in the
bust so that it has familiar surroundings for the moment. We will
be calling out a vet in the morning to try to identify the species
of animal that it is. After that I am not sure what we shall do
with it.
I am afraid that this problem leaves us in a rather uncertain predicament
Mr. Obo. As I noted to you in my email of August 4th; we cannot
accept any kind of damaged artwork, and I am sure you will agree
with me that having a rodent tunnel through your cranium is definitely
damaging. I can if you wish return the artwork back to you however
you may feel (as we do) that it is unfit for any kind of purpose
other than the rubbish dump.
As a consequence of the above I am afraid that my board members
cannot reach any agreement on any amount of payment so I must tell
you that your application for a donation.scholarship payment will
be refused. You have three choices open to you at this point:
1. You may submit another artwork sample.
2. If you do not wish to work on another carving you may wish to
apply for our photography donation/scholarship payment instead.
3. You may wish to refuse any further work in which case we thank
you for your time and wish you good luck.
Please get back to me as soon as possible with your decision. We
realise of course that these problems are not your own doing so
we would want to try to help you in other areas as soon as possible.
Sincerely,
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
I attach photographic proof of the ghastly state of the carving:
There is no real damage to the bust of course. I added the squirrel
and other damage in Photoshop.
Obo is of course not a happy man, and not just because of
his looming demise.
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: reply fast.
Brian,
I must first confess that i was totally surprice at what i saw
in you recent mail to me. well,
1. i want you to send me the damage artwork,so that my lawer
could take legal case with the poster agency.
2. i want the artwork to pick up legal case with the specialist
wood seller.
3. and finally i will procecute the art and antiquity commission
here in my country, for certifying it save.
i am realy shock at the development.cos i had spent much. if
you are sending it use my poster address.
thanks
Ony eugene Obo.
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
Dear Mr. Ony,
I shall arrange with my secretary to have your artwork returned
as soon as possible.
Sincerely,
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
A couple of weeks go by, and of course I'm not actually going
to return the bust.
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: reminder
Brian Anthony
i need your reply in respect to my last mail. i want to remind
you that my lawyer had file pepers in respect of the work you claim
to have being damaged and i is awaiting the arrival of the work
to commence action, the court procedings shall last for aleast severer
months. unfailily i shall be needing the art work by 5th of october,
please do send it.
regards
Ony.
I don't bother to reply!
Obo's getting impatient now, and even accuses me of manipulating
the photograph of the damaged head. I'm insulted!
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: Re: reminder
Brian Anthony
i shall be trutful to you mr Brian , i mailed you about severer
times now and i got no reply from you. i have not got my artwork
sent to me , neither have you send my donation to me. i must tell
you sincerely that what you send to me was a perfect deceit of andvance
use of graphics into manipulating the original pictorar work i did
for. at this point i seek that you honestly pay me just as i have
honestly done and send the work down to you in uk . as i write you
now my lawyer is already poise to execute the legal procedings.
Well, what can I say. I'm rather upset that I should be accused
of underhand tactics.
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
Dear Mr. Obo,
You carving was shipped back to you LAST week. I send you a SCAN
of the shipping receipt LAST WEEK (I didn't, but he doesn't know
that!). The shipping receipt showed CLEARLY the delivery date
to you would be September 28th. You did not have the good manners
to reply to me to confirm that you had received it.
How DARE you insinuate that I have done something negative against
you, HOW DARE YOU. You will apologise IN WRITING to me IMMEDIATELY
or else you can go to Hell and forget any partnership.
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: read this
dear mr Brian,
i must be honest with at this point that i have not receive
my work back.as i mail you now i had prosecuted the specialist wood
seller. i am not guessing ,i have not got the work, remember i sent
a like pattern address as this. p.o box . 1xxx oshodi lagos nigeria.
. so as am mailing you now i have not gone to the post office. and
let me tell i did not get any receipt of your sending my work to
me what so ever. may be you mistaken some letters in my email address.
i am yet to get the work . i shall notify you should i recieve
the work.
regards
Ony.
A short and sweet reply.
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
You will get NOTHING from me until I receive a full HANDWRITTEN
apology for your previous INSULT to me.
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: apology
Brian Anthony -
so do you mean you have not sent the work over to me. am so
sorry for insulting you at the first place, cos i know by your statement
that you did not send it. could you send me the work or my donation.
GOD BLESS YOU AS you do this,
your pontential partner.
Ony
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
Your apology is not accepted. I want it hand written on paper,
scanned, and then sent to me as a email attachment. You must write
a MINIMUM of 20 lines of apology.
When, and ONLY when you have done this will I send you a scan of
the shipping receipt for the artwork and of course the contact details
for the shipping company.
If you are not prepared to do as I ask then please do not reply
to this email.
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: Re: apology
what do you think you are doing by this act that i should scan
a hand written apology letter to you, dont you know that it will
cost me cash to do all of that. even as i mail you am paying for
the tiket.
what i need is my money or my art work. if you fear and honour
GOD , do send my cash or my artwork.
you shall be hearing from me .
regards.
Ony.
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
Do not contact me again unless you are sending your hand written
apology.
Goodbye.
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
I don't receive any reply from Obo for just over two weeks,
and just as I am beginning to suspect he has given up on me, I get
this:
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: what is delaying my donation
Brian Anthony -
i have do what you ask me to do , what is now delaying my donation
, i want you to understand that ii could give you more work should
you so desire , at my donation. please do send me my donation. i
am sorry for the insult i did to you.
Ony eugene.
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
What donation? I do not owe you any money at all. You sent DAMAGED
work in to my company, which I have returned to you. All I have
received so far from you is my valuable time wasted.
I told you before that you would get no further help from me until
I received a written and scanned apology.
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
From: Ony Obo
To: Brian Anthony
Subject: doc/apology
dear mr Brian,
i have forwarded an attached handwritten letter to you , check
on attachment to fine it. i know you are a quiet gentle man . do
send my donation ,so that we could go down to business.
Ony Obo's apology letter:
Nice one Obo; you will now get your reward.... kind of.
From: Brian Anthony
To: Ony Obo
Dear Mr. Obo,
Thank you for your apology. It takes a big and noble man to give
such an apology, so for that I thank you once more.
As I told you previously, your carving was shipped back to you on
September 16th and you should have received it by now. However having
said that I do not recall receiving confirmation from the shipping
company ( www.klingontrading.co.uk ) however you may if you wish
contact them as the recipient to enquire as to the status of your
package.
Please find attached a copy of my shipping receipt.
Sincerely,
Brian Anthony
Director
Brian Anthony Fine Arts
I attach the shipping receipt (fake of course!):
Hopefully Obo won't notice I signed the receipt "Shiver
Metimbers"....
Obo doesn't reply to me, but instead contacts Ranjit Burger
in the Delivery Confirmation department of Klingon Shipping.
From: Ony Obo
To: Klingon Shipping
Subject: where is my shipment
dear klingon,
my name is mr Ony moses Obo, whose artifact was shipped
via your company,on the 16th of september had not got to me till
date, i saw the receipt via which it was sent , but why has my burst
head not got to me.please i want you to get my work back to me .
here is my addreass. P.O. BOX 1xxx , OSHODI LAGOS NIGERIA.
Ony.
From: Ranjit Burger
To: Ony Obo
Dear Sir.
Thank you for contacting Klingon Shipping. My name is Ranjit and
I hope I can be of service to you. I have spoken to our shipping
staff and have been given the full facts.
Unfortunately, it appears that during the overnight storage period
before airmail courier shipping, your package sustained quite extensive
damage due to the fact that a rodent had been sealed within the
package. One of our staff spotted that the packaging appeared to
be damaged and our delivery manager ordered it to be inspected for
safety reasons. On inspection, we found a dead rodent which had
obviously suffocated due to lack of air within the package, and
it appears that the rodent had chewed approximately 80% of the wooden
carving inside the package. I can only assume that the creature
did this in order to try to create more space inside the package
for itself. I am afraid that the carving is almost totally destroyed.
Our insurance department immediately took the rodent to the vetenary
surgeon for inspection to ascertain the cause of death, which it
transpired was a case of stuffmefatgutzwivwud, which in laymen's
terms means it was poisoned by ingesting too much of the wood from
the carving, which also contained various trace chemicals, which
encouraged the death even more.
Under normal circumstances, as the package initially appeared to
have been damaged in our possession, we would of course compensate
the owner to the full value of the item, however we were informed
by a local the vetenary surgeon that in fact the rodent was an African
Tree squirrel (Helioscirurus sp.) and could only have come from
your part of the world, unless of course it had escaped from a local
zoo, which I find very unlikely as we have no motorbikes in the
city.
Consequently I contacted the person who packaged the item, a Mr.
B. Anthony, and was informed by him that in fact the rodent was
present in the package when he received it, and that when he shipped
it back to you he assumed it was dead so left it in the package
as some kind of proof to you of what had happened. Of course, it
now transpires that the rodent was not dead, but sleeping, and whilst
in our warehouse it chewed even more into the wood.
I am afraid that we cannot allow this item to be shipped as it is
a health hazard, and compensation is out of the question as you
screwed up. It will be stored in one of our large storage freezers
until such time as you contact Mr. Anthony and discuss what action
you both wish to take.
For your records I attach a photograph of the opened packaging.
Sincerely.
Ranjit Burger
Delivery Confirmation Dept.
Klingon Shipping
I quickly knock up a Photoshop of the packaging, dead fat squirrel,
and damaged bust:
Just in case it's not obvious to some people, no squirrel was
hurt during this scambait! Lets hope Obo doesn't notice that
the squirrel seems to have changed colour since the last photo...
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