READ FROM THE BOTTOM UP!
It’s now Wednesday, October
26, and no new e-mails from Frankie or Louie since Friday. I guess the last one finally clued them in
that I was busting their chops. I figured
it would, but I couldn’t resist! I’ve
been stringing this guy along since Sept. 19, and would have been happy to keep
on doing it as long as they kept it up.
Oh, well! It was fun!
----------------------------
Today I used the Jive
translator and also the Zippy the Pinhead random phrase generator - http://home.xnet.com/~warinner/zippy.html I wonder at what point, if ever, these guys
will give up.
Sent :
Friday, October 21, 2005 11:25 PM
To : [email protected]
CC : [email protected],
[email protected]
Subject : I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated
with TEFLON!
Dear Dr. Jackass:
Fust uh all, Mah' name be not
Wowie Zowie! Right on! ah' am Capt. James T. Kirk. Ya' heah? ah' wuz Captain uh
de U.S.S.
Preach it loud, bruddah!!
Right on!
I still dink youse some
Nigerian! Right on! ah' duzn't care whut ya' say. Slap mah fro! You's say ya'
is an Ivorian. 'S coo', bro. Ivory comes fum elephants. So's dat means ya' is
an elephant killerer! Right on! ah' hate elephant killerers! Right on! ah' real
enjoyed watchin' Disney's "Jungle Story'" and ah' real likesd Dumbo
and Jumbo da elephants, and it makes me real real real angry when ah' hear about
elephant killerers. ah' cannot drow bre'd t'an elephant killerer. Ah be
baaad... ah' plum can't do it, ya' hear! Preach it loud, bruddah!! Preach it
loud, bruddah! Dose poo' elephants! Right on!
Will this never-ending series
of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease? bleakness.... desolation.... plastic
forks...GOOD-NIGHT, everybody.. Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID to my pet
LEISURE SUIT!! I wish I was a
sex-starved manicurist found dead in the
FOOLED you! Absorb EGO
SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!!
Either CONFESS now or we go to ``PEOPLE'S COURT''!!
Live long and prosper
Capt. James T. Kirk, CEO,
pHd, SOL
Whizzinator, Inc.
From: atlanticbnk trust
<[email protected]>
To: wowie zowie >
Subject: Atlantic Bank.
Date: Fri, 21 Oct 2005
05:43:54 -0700 (PDT)
Attn: Wowie Zowie.
Sir,
I acknowledged the receipt of
your mail.
Note that the yahoo address
is the remitance director department, the bank email address is,
[email protected]
Do contact the bank
immediately to enable the bank proceed on the transfer process into your account.
I am an Ivoirain and live in
Yours in service,
Dr Lewis Donjack.
From : frank kone <[email protected]>
Sent : Friday, October 21, 2005 3:49 PM
To :
Subject : Say your mind please.
| | |
Inbox
Sir,
I think the bank will be in a
better possition to answer your question, why they are using yahoo email
address, and I don't undertand what you are talking concerning the director's
passport.
Please, if you are willing
to help me and my sister get this money,
kindly send the money for the chnaging of the document to your name so that the
bank will transfer the money to your account immediately.
If you are not satisfied with
the transaction, please tell me so that I will know what to do.
Thank you and waiting to hear
from you,
Today I mixed and matched
various translators - Valley Girl, Pirate, Jive, Swedish Chef. Also, I actually got them to send me two
alleged passport copies, see attached.
------------------------------------------------------------
Sent : Thursday, October 20, 2005 11:16 PM
To : [email protected]
CC : [email protected]
Subject : RE: Find the the attached document
Dear Mr. Jackass:
You be a super nasty nerd t'
make me bitchin' bucko Mr. Konan cry!
Oh, wow! How dare you! Gag me
with a pitchfork! Your be a mean mean man. Are you aye that you be not a
Nigerian? Are you a pygmy? Do they have pygmies in
I demand dat ya' give me an
e-mail address fum some legitimate bank, oh, baby, t'prove t'me dat ya' are
real banker. I demund det yuoo geefe-a
Mr. Ah be baaad... Kunun zee muney RIGHT
NOV, yuoo heer. Right On!
Ah be baaad...
Yo's truly,
Capt. James T. Kirk, CEO,
pHd, SOL
Whizzinator, Inc
http://www.whizzinator.com
From: atlanticbnk trust
<[email protected]>
Subject: Find the the
attached document.
Date: Thu, 20 Oct 2005
10:41:02 -0700 (PDT)
Attn: Wowie Zowie.
Sir,
Find the attached documents
as requested by you, be informed that it is against our bank rule to send customers our private
Id but due to the way your local partner, Mr. Frank Kone cried in my office, I
decided to help by sending you my internation passport.
I advice you to send the
money today to enable us conclude with the legal papper works and to give the
bank legal right to transfer your funds into your account without futher delay.
Thanks for your understanding
and co-operation.
Your's in service,
Dr. Lewis Donjack.
---------------------------------------------------------
I didn't answer since
Wednesday, and he's got ants in his pants. Today I used the Cockney
translator. I've also changed the name of my company
Dear Guvnor Konan:
I'm so terribly sorry, right,
but I 'ave been right ill these past days, right, right, wich is why I could
not answer, right? Right. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? I 'ad 'orrible
diarrhea and could not leave the bloomin' baffroom for 3 days. Do yer 'ave
diarrhea in yor country too, ffen, ffen, right, eh, then, eh? It is truly
orful. Once yer send me the brass I can pay me doctor's bills. I still 'ave not
been able ter contact the bloomin' bloody bank manager. It ringgggs, right, and
ringgggs, right, and ringgggs, and ringgggs, and ringgggs,and ringgggs, right,
but never any answer. I'm bloody well afraid that I right must insist that yer
send me by e-mail scanned copies of the bleedin' first page (wiv the chuffin'
bloody picture) of yor passport, and that of the bleedin' bank manager. As I
mentioned, right, I 'ave been cheated twice before. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up
wivout a joanna. Please be assured that I'm bloody well a man of 'onor and
integrity and will destroy the bloody information I receive it. Yor secret is
safe wiv me. Once I bobby the chuffin' passport copies, right, I will
immediately wire the bleedin' $4500, right, plus a wee extra for yor Barney
Rubbles.
I 'ave a look forward ter
'earin' from yer soon. Sincerely, right, right,
Studebaker Hawk, CEO, pHd,
right, SOL
Wizzinator, Inc.
http://www.wizzinator.com
>From: frank kone <[email protected]>
>To:
>Subject: Sir, the bank is waiting for you.
>Date: Fri, 14 Oct 2005 12:44:25 +0200 (CEST)
>
>
>Dear Sir,
>
>What is the problem please, have I offended you?.
>
>Your silence is making me uncomfortable, please the bank is waiting for you
for the transfer of the money, you just kept everything tigth.
>Waiting to hear from you
as you receive this please,
>Frank Kone.
---------------------------------------------------
Today it's the moron
translator. If you read his response to
my last e-mail, I think he's starting to get a bit testy. He's not going to like this one any better.
From: wowie zowie >
Subject: RE: May God bless you
sir.
Sent: Wednesday, October 12,
2005 9:20 PM
Dear Mr. Konan:
Thank you f' your e-mail. I
real do abbreshate your hard work, 'n you will be rich reerdid f' your eff'ts.
I habe triid and triid and triid to call Mr. Lewis Dondgack at de numbeheh you
gabe me, uh, but dehe is nebeh any answebuhr. I must tell you dat I absoloot
positibe must habe photocopies of the, uh, first page of your passport 'n dat
of Mr. Lewis Dondgack. I habe already been cheatid out of tens of dousands of
dollars by unscrupulous Nigehians, duuhhhh, 'n I don't want it t' happen again.
I know dat you are not a Nigehian, which is errrr, why I am choosigg t' do
bidness. Dose Nigehians are low-down, dirty, mean 'n nasty scoundrels who
probab don't call deir modehs on heh birdday. I hope dat you can undehstand
errrr, why I find it necess t' take dese mehbshurs. I am afraid dat I must
insist on dem.
Sissere,
Studebaker Hawk, CEO, pHd,
SOL
Big Swifty, Inc.
http://www.bigswifty.com
From: frank kone <[email protected]>
To:
Subject: May God bless you
sir.
Date: Tue, 11 Oct 2005
19:51:19 +0200 (CEST)
Dear Sir,
I have met the bank director
and collected their bank contacts.
The banker was annoyed when I
asked him to give me his passport number to send to you, he began to ask me
what do I mean, that you have nothing to do with his passport number, he gave
me the other contacts see it below.
Attached is the deposited
document which the bank issued to my late father the day he deposited the money
with them, the deposit certificate and the agreement he made with them, I just
sent it to you so that you will know all the truth about this transaction, so
see the bank contacts below.
The name of the bank is,
Atlantic Bank & Trust Plc.
Address, 98 bd Giscard d'
Estaing, zone 4
Contact person, Dr Lewis
Donjack.
Tel number, +22505440387.
Fax Number, +22507774583.
Sir, is now over to you, call
him and verify whatever you like from him, and then send the money so that we
will conclude on this please.
Waiting for your positive
response,
Frank Kone.
-------------------------------------------------
Today it's the Elmer Fudd
translator. Next I will invite him and
his sister to my ficticious mansion and yacht.
It's in
From : wowie zowie >
Sent : Thursday, October 6, 2005 4:08 PM
To : [email protected]
Subject : RE: May God bless you sir.
Deaw Mw. Konan:
I am so sowwy you awe having
difficuwties. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! Dat scwewy bank diwectow sounds wike a
cwook. Is he a Nigewian? Is he a
Pygmy? You shouwd go to the powice and
wepowt him. I know how difficuwt it must be fow a fine upstanding Chwistian
such as youwsewf. You awe a Chwistian, awen't you? Awe you a Pygmy? I am a
miwwionaiwe, I have a mansion and a yacht, and I send you the $4500. Pwease
send me the name of youw bank,addwess, tewephone and fax numbews, the routing
number and account number. Awso send me youw fuww name, addwess, tewephone, and
passport numbew.
Wherew's my Hasenpfeffer?
Sincewewy,
Studebaker Hawk, CEO, pHd,
SOL
Big Swifty, Inc.
http://www.bigswifty.com/
From: frank kone <[email protected]>
To:
Subject: May God bless you
sir.
Date: Thu, 6 Oct 2005
10:04:29 +0200 (CEST)
Dear Sir,
Sorry I could not get back to
you yesterday as I promised, I came so late and we are not allowed to out of
the camp at nigth.
I do submitted your
information to the bank yesterday, but there's one thing, the bank director
said that it will cost some little money to make change of ownership to your
name as the owner and beneficiary of the money before the money will be
transferr'd to your account.
He said it will cost the sum
of $4,500, and I do not have it, please try and get this so that they will
tansfer the money to your account please, I have promised to compensate you
with %20 for your assistance, more I and my sister will come over there for the
investment of the money which you will also be the trustee.
Please I am waiting for your
urgent urgent and positive response becasue the bank is waiting for you.
May God bless you,
Frank Kone.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I'll give him credit - he
doesn't give up! Today I used the Swedish Chef
Translator. I still have others left - Valley Girl, Elmer Fudd,
Redneck, Pirate, etc. To be continued!
From: wowie zowie >
To: [email protected]
Subject: Dog is my copilot
Sent: Wednesday, October 5, 2005 5:44 PM
Deer Mr. Konan:
Thunk yuoo fur yuoor
e-maill. I surry fur me-a speek bed Inglesh, boot yoo see-a I ere-a
imeegrant frum
I send lest messege-a in
secret code-a, called Pigg Lateen. I vurry thet peuple-a might feend out
ebuot oor secret. Pig Lateen is tu teke-a furst letter off vurd und poot
at end und poot "ay" effter. Yuo luuk et my last e-mail und noo
yuoo understand perffectly.
Pleese-a send me-a my muney
qooeeckly becoose-a I hafe muny prublems veet bill cullecturs. Zeey cell
me-a dey und nieght. Dere-a is nu sympethy fur un oold man whu mede-a
sume-a meestekes in dee past. I veell kill myselff iff thees cunteenooes.
Bork Bork Bork!
Seencerely
Studebaker Hawk, CEO, pHd,
SOL
Big Swifty, Inc.
Dear Sir,
Thank you so much for the
provided information, and God will continue to bless you for your willingness
in helping me out of this situation.
I will be going to the bank
this morning to submit them for the transfer of the money, once I come's back I
will also let you know.
Your english is to difficult
for me to understand it, please write in a plain english language.
I will get back to you sir,
Frank Kone.
From: wowie zowie
Subject: RE: God is my withness.
Sent: Tuesday, October 4, 2005 5:34 PM
Earday mray. Onankay:
Ankthay youay orfay youray
eassuringray ordsway. Iyay eelfay uchmay etterbay ownay atthay Iyay owknay
youay areyay ayay ustworthytray ersonpay. Unfortunatelyyay youay areyay
amongyay ayay inoritymay ofyay eoplepay atthay Iyay ancay usttray. Inyay
actfay, Iyay eelfay unsafeyay evenyay itingwray isthay e-mailyay, ecausebay
omeonesay ightmay indfay outyay. Ereforethay Iyay amyay itingwray isthay
essagemay inyay igpay atinlay. Easeplay erifyvay ifyay youay areyay ableyay
otay ecodeday isthay essagemay. Isthay ayway ouryay informationyay illway
emainray otallytay onfindentialcay Erehay isyay ethay informationyay youay
equestedray:
Amenay: Udebakerstay Awkhay
Ageyay: 85
Eltay. (900) 385-6387
Ankbay: Ornholiocay Ationalnay Ankbay Ocationlay:
Ueblay Allbay, APAY
eckingchay accountyay: 028800798 413997895
Easeplay urryhay andyay endsay
emay ethay oneymay ightray awayyay,
Incerelysay
Udebakerstay Awkhay, EOCAY,
pHday, OLSAY
Ornholiocay Enterprisesyay, lLCay
From: frank kone <[email protected]
Subject: God is my withness.
Date: Tue, 4 Oct 2005 10:53:22 +0200 (CEST)
Dear Sir,
Thanks for your response it's
well understood.
Please swearing is against my
religion, but I have to do it since you are doubting me, I swear with the name
of God and telling you that this business is real and not a scam, so if you are
willing to help me as you said kindly forward to me the requested information,
your banking details and account where the money will be transferred
into, your private telephone and fax number, your age and occupatio, and
anything to identify you, all this I will go and submit it to the bank for the
transfer of the money.
It's true a lot of things are
happening in the world today, but God in heaven know's that I have not come to
cheat on you, I also have the proove's, such as the deposit certificate and the
agreementory letter which the bank issued to my late father on the day of
deposit.
I am waiting to receive the
information from you after going through this message.
Thank and God will bless you
for your care,
Frank Kone.
From : wowie zowie
Sent : Monday, October 3, 2005 5:16 PM
Subject : RE: Waiting to hear from you.
| | | Inbox
Greetin's uh de day. Right On!
I's gots'ta be eaga' to
assist ya' in dese troublin' times, but befo'e ah' proceed, ah' must remove one
doubt fum mah' mind. As ya' are undoubtedly aware, some lot uh sucka's gots'
been snatchn advantage uh by unscrdownulous Nigerian scam artists. Dose nasty
Nigerians are pure crooks, ah' tell ya'. ah' hope sucka's in
I look fo'ward t'hearin' fum
ya' soon. 'S coo', bro.
Sincerely,
Studebaker Hawk,CEO, pHd, SOL
Big Swifty, Inc.
Sir,
Thank you for your response
and your willingness in helping me out of this situation, may the good Lord
continue to bless you, Amen.
Please, forward the requested
information so that I will go and submit it to the bank for the transfer of the
money.
I will like us to conclude on
time so that I and my sister will make the arrangment of coming over to join
you for the investment of the money, please help we are surffering a lot here.
Thank you and waiting to hear
from you,
Frank Kone.
Betids of dhe day do you!
Wet me intoduce mysef. My name is Studebaker Hawk I am dhe pesiden of Dewey,
Cheatham, & Howe, Inc. . A mid tized manufactuer based bin
I woud wike do nep you bin da business dea dhat you poposed. If dhee is an way
dhat I oud be of assistance do you bin dis dea pease deww me. Pehaps I oud fy
do Toud Afica an we oud discuss dhis after we bet do know each odar better
dhough futher e-mai ontact.
I am wookin' fowad do your
e-maiesponse an I woud wike do nep you an way possibe. May Bod be bid you.
Tinceey,
Studebaker Hawk, CEO, pHd,
SOL
Dewey, Cheatham & Howe, Inc.
BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY
ASYLUM
FROM: FRANK KONE
TEL:00225 07716816
Dear Sir,
CONFIDENTIAL,
I am FRANK KONE the only son
of late former Director of finance, CHIEF VINCENT R. KONE Sierra-Leone diamond
and mining corporation. I must confess my agitation is real, and my words is my
bond, in this proposal. My late father diverted this money meant for purchase
of ammunition, for my country, during the peak of disastrous civil war in my
country, now he has deposited the money with a BANK here in
Now the war in my country is
over with the help of ECOMOG soldiers, the present government of Sierra Leone
has revoked the passport of all officers who served under the former regime and
now ask countries to expel such person at the same time freeze their account
and confiscate their assets, it is on this note that I am contacting you, all I
need from you is to furnish me with your bank particulars:
1) Account name
2) Account number
3) Bank address, telephone and fax number For you to assist me transfer this
money in your private bank account, the said amount is (fifteen Million
Dollars) $15Million.I am compensating you with 20% of the total amount.
Now all my hope is banked on
you and I really want to invest this money in your country, were their is
stability of Government, political and economic welfare. Honestly I want you to
believe that this transaction is real and never a joke. My late father CHIEF
VINCENT R. KONE gave me the photocopies of the certificate of deposit issued to
him by the BANK on the date of deposit, for you to be clarify because,
I do not expose my self to
anybody I see, I believe that you are able to keep this transaction secret for
me because this money is the hope of my life, it is important.
And my late father used me the only son as the beneficiary / next of kin on the
day of deposit and also told me I need an assistance of a foreigner with a
legitimate bank Account abroad who will stand as co-beneficiary and partner
abroad to ensure a successful hitch free transfer of the fund abroad.
Please call me immediately
after you must have gone through my message.Feel free and make it urgent.
Please try and negotiate for me some profitable blue chip investment
opportunities which is risky free which I can invest with this money when it is
transferred to your account, personally I am interested in estate management
and hotel business,please advise me.
Thanks and God bless
Best regards
FRANK KONE.
_________________________________________________________________