TITLE:  Caveat Deceptor!......He's Back!......And He's Not Happy!

 

[Scammer Beware!.......Professor Rupert J. Felcher rises again!]

 

Characters:

 

[Black Text]: Ms Veronica Karim (the principal Scammer, located in Accra, Ghana)

[Blue Text]: Professor Rupert J Felcher III (Icelandic explorer with a grudge against 419 scammers)

[Green Text]: Major Muff Diver (President of Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd)

[Orange Text]: Commander Jethro Tull (Forensic Services, Scotland Yard)

 

[Special guest appearances from the following:]

The Rolling Stones [Self-proclaimed greatest rock & roll band in the world]

Maggie Thatcher [British ex-PM]

Mr Henry Karim [Brother of Veronica & also a scammer]

Led Zeppelin [see the Rolling Stones]

Mr Norbert Agyeman [a.k.a. A-Guy-Man, & yet another scammer]

Charles Bukowski [American poet and author]

Sean Connery [James Bond]

Ian Anderson [Jethro Tull]

A scurrilous assortment of other would-be scammers & scammer associates

 

[Red Text]: Additional commentary



Professor Rupert J Felcher III

 

INTRODUCTION:

 

Professor Rupert J Felcher III has entered the building. His office in downtown Reykjavik, that is. Today marks his return to the workplace following a somewhat lengthy period of convalescence. [It has of course been documented how he sustained his many serious injuries when he first crossed swords with 419 scammers in ‘Quis Decipio Ipsos Deceptors?’] He seems to have recovered rather well, due no doubt to a fortuitous combination of the miracles of modern medicine and his own resilience. Seated comfortably at his desk, he activates his computer, pulls a massive toke on his spliff, and reflects on how fortunate he is to still be alive. But wait a moment! As he logs into his email account he is horrified to discover his inbox absolutely overflowing with accumulated 419 scam letters. The normally serene expression on his face evaporates, to be replaced by a scowl, as he glares at the screen with his one good eye and lets fly with a diabolical stream of scorching profanity. Such colourful language sounds quite out of place emanating from such a distinguished gentleman, and in such austere surroundings. As the red mist dissipates he calmly selects one of the scam letters at random and resolves to teach the unfortunate scammer a lesson they’ll never forget. And so……..

 

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: xxxxxxxx@hotmail.com

Date: 05 / 03 / 06

 

Dear Friend

 

you may be surprised to receive this letter from me since you do not know me personally, [Actually...no...that's what a catcher account is for...I am fully expecting to get letters from scammers like you] I got your contact  when i was searching for a reliable person who can assist us stand as our foreign beneficiary to help us receive our belongings which was deposited by my late father in a security company here in ghana before he died.

 

My name is Veronica Karim iam a citizen of Liberia the daughter of the late personal assistance to the former Minister of Mines and Energy Dr. Camara Karim.  he was also a Gold and Diamond Merchant,before the death of my father he normally export gold and diamond to India and dubia, and most of the time when his customers will demand for a large quantity of Gold he will have to come to Ghana to get some and mostly deposit them in a security company here in ghana.

 

My Father died during the war in my country liberia and he was killed by rebels from Charles Taylor the former president of liberia who is now on exile just because Charles Taylor found out that my late father was in the opposition group. Before my Father’s death i  came with him to ghana to deposit two boxes of funds which he Made from sale of diamonds,gold and during his term in office and gave my mother all relevant document covering the deposit of the two boxes in the security company here in Ghana .

 

I lost my family during the war left with me and my brother so I and my brother were able to move out from Liberia through the UNITED NATION cargo ship, that Coven refugee from Moronvia to Accra Ghana, as refugees because we lost all we had during the war including my mother and my sisters during the war.My late father left behind physical cash of $26.4 Million USD which he safely lodged in a security and diplomatic company here in Accra Ghana for safe keeping during the war and registered it with my name as next of kin  no one know about this fund, they are in two boxes .$26.4 million u.s.d cash deposited as family belongings

 

When we got to  ghana we went to the company with the documents and after the company cross check it they told us that every documents we have is genuine, but we have to come with our late fathers foreign partner, when we ask them why, they showed us an agreement that was made between the company and my late father, that on no account should the company release the consignment[the two boxes] to  me with out his foreign partner.So all this while, we have been looking for somebody, who is God Fearing that will assist us claim this boxes, but  know that we have found you we believe you can assist us stand as my foriegn partner and make the claim of the boxes from the company and they will deliver the boxes to you in your country because they have a diplomatic means of making delivery of goods around the world.

 

I am hereby soliciting your assistance to be my foreign partner and assist me and my brother make the claim of my boxes of fund from the security company here in Ghana and it will be  transfered down to your country where it will be invested hence my late father has registered it with my name as next of kin,and after the company has delivered the boxes of fund to you in your country then you will now help me and my brother travel down to your country for the investment because I do not know much about investment and we need you to assist me for investment of this fund in your country because iam just 21yrs old.

 

You will be entitled to 15% of the total sum,10% for your assistance and 5% for any expences for the boxes to be delivered to your door step, Your compensation for the assistance is negotiable.After the success of this transaction you are going to make arrangement for me and my brother to meet you over in your country but all we need from you is full trust because as you can see now we have no choice.

 

Your urgent reply will be highly appreciated. All the necessary documents of deposit from the Security Company are with me please get back with your telephone and fax number for more details.

 

looking forward to hear from you soon.

 

Thanks and God bless.

Veronica Karim

 

 

 

[Well that was certainly a long-winded introductory scam letter. Reading that load of bollocks has done nothing to improve the Professor’s disposition toward scammers. Veronica Karim eh? Well….. let’s see what you’ve got scammer!]

 

 

 

From: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 08/ 03 / 06

 

Professor Rupert J Felcher III
Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises
Reykjavik, Iceland


Calvary Greetings My Dear Ms Karim!

An interesting proposition I must say. I may be able to assist you, however, before proceeding I will be needing assurance that everything is strictly kosher. I'm sure you will agree that the internet is used to perpetrate all manner of fraudulent modalities, and being a small businessman I need to be careful. I have to admit your proposal is tempting, I'm always interested in meeting new friends and particularly in alternative sources of income to help finance my exploration activities. Please contact me and we can discuss this some more.

Kindest regards,

Prof. R.J. Felcher III

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 10 / 03 / 06

Dear Sir,

Thank you for replying me, according to my proposal to you, i and my brother are in Accra Ghana now trying to claim the boxes which my late father deposited in a security company here in Accra Ghana.

I am writing you because we do not intend to invest here in Africa, we are also to claim the consignments with a partner due to the agreement made during deposit. I want you to send to me your phone number so that i can call you.

Am hoping to hear from you at your earliest convinience.

Veronica karim

 

 

 

[I left her hanging for a few days here because, well, she's not the only scammer in the world and I was dealing with what I believed to be a few more advanced exchanges at the time.]

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 12 / 03 / 06

Dear Rupert,

Thank you for responding to my email, this deposit is a confidential matter because my late father deposited two trunk boxes in Ghana here in the name of family prcious items.

I want you to be my beneficiary since i am the next of kin, my brother Henry is here with me in Ghana and wewilll reward you in any assistance you render to us, i want you to send your phone number so that i can call you and talk to you about this.

God bless.

veronica karim

 

 

 

[The professor lets her sweat it out a few more days, while he deals with more urgent business matters.]

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 14 / 03 / 06

 

Sir,

 

i am still waiting for you.

thank you

Veronica

 

 

 

From: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 15 / 03 / 06

 

Professor Rupert J Felcher III

Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd

Reykjavik, Iceland

 

Dear Veronica,

 

Please note that I only use e-mail for all business communications. This is because as an explorer I travel extensively in remote areas and rely totally on my wireless laptop computer to stay in touch. Before we can proceed to the next step I must verify your identity. As so much business is conducted on the internet these days I have developed my own method of verifying the identity of potential business partners.

 

It works like this: I would like you to send me a picture of yourself holding a sign. The sign must have written on it a password that I give you. In this way I know for sure that the person in the picture is you because no-one else would know the password. The password I want you to use is 'BIG-TIME SKUNK FELCHER' (do not reveal this password to anyone). Write the password on a large sign and then take a photograph of yourself holding the sign. The photograph needs to be large and clear, and the password easily readable. Send the photograph to me as an e-mail attachment.

 

We can proceed to the next stage of our business immediately I receive the password encoded picture. Please feel free to send me any other photographs of yourself as well - I would be interested to see them. As a show of good faith on my part I am sending you a picture of myself.

 

Regards

Prof. R.J. Felcher III

 

[This is the photo I sent her. Keith Richards of course + Arctic skunk......]

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 17 / 03 / 06

 

DEAR Mr.Rupert J Felcher ,

 

HOW ARE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY INCLUDING BUSINESS, MAY GOD LAY IS HAND ON WHAT EVER YOU TOUCH AND BLESS ABUNDANTELY {AMEN}.

WHICH I LIKE TO INFORM YOU THAT I REALLY HAPPY TO SEE YOUR PICTURE BEEN LOOKING AT YOU SHOW YOU AS A RESPONSIBLE MAN, [Now there’s a scammer with an eye for responsible people. Keith Richards responsible?]

 

ABOUT YOUR REQUEST IT WILL TAKE BY NEXT WEEK BEFORE I CAN SNAP THE PICTURE AS YOU SAID THAT I HAVE TO CARRY THE PASSWORD FOR YOU TO KNOW THE PERSON YOU ARE DEALING WITH,

 

SO I LIKE TO ATTACH THESE PICTURE OF MY AS FIRST IDENTIFICATION BEFORE I SNAP THE ONE YOU REQUST FOR WITH SIGN PASSWORD AS YOU STATED. HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU. WHICH I WILL LIKE YOU SEND ME YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER.

 

THANKS  
VERONICA

 

[And here’s her first picture. Sweet Jesus........what have I got myself into here! She’s butt ugly, even for a scammer. Don’t think much of her accommodation either. Worst of all though, she hasn’t sent me the picture I asked for; there’s no password. You’ll have to do better than that, Scammer! And try to wear something half-decent and make an effort with your personal appearance too!]

 

 

 

 

From: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 20 / 03 / 06

 

Professor Rupert J. Felcher III

Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd

Reykjavik, Iceland

Dear Veronica,

 

As soon as I receive the password-encoded picture we will be ready to proceed. Remember my business philosophy encompasses the following modalities:

1) Secrecy - Do not release any information I give you to anyone else.
2) Speed - So we can all achieve the results we want in the least amount of time.
3) Security - Anyone I do business with must have their identity verified.
 
Please feel free to send me any other pictures of yourself in the meantime.
 
Regards
Rupert J. Felcher III

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 23 / 03 / 06

 

Dear sir,

 

thank you for corresponding with me, i have not taken the type of picture that you required because i have to fill a form and pass other process before i will be allowed to leave the refugee camp where i live with my brother.

 

By this week end, i will collect the picture and send it to you so that we can proceed, i will like you to send your phone number so that i can also call you.

I have attach the documens you needs to study so that you can come to Ghana or write a letter of claim to the Provident Insurance Company Accra Ghana for the claim.

I am waiting for your response and may God bless and guide you all the days of your life.hope to hear from you soon.

 

yours,

veronica karim

 

[And here's the "security" documents. Nothing to get excited about. Straight out of the standard version of the scammer starter kit.]

 

 

 

 

 

[The professor is so unimpressed with the phoney documents he decides not to reply this time, and just wait for the picture instead.]

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 25 / 03 / 06

 

Dear Rupert J Felcher,

How are you sir? this is a free day for me in the refugee camp and i used this oppotunity to collect the picture you told me to take and i have attached it to this email.

I will like you to send your telephone number to me so that i and my brother can talk to you, we want to know how soon it will be for you to come down for the claim of the boxes from the security company here in Accra Ghana.

The reason why we need you is that we have to pay for the storage charges of the deposited boxes before the death of my father, i can send the information of the security company so that you contact them. I hope you write me back soon.

 

Thank you and God bless you.
Veronica Karim

 

[And here’s her latest effort. The sign is there this time. Outstanding! Looks like the real thing too. She’s given herself an extreme make-over too!]

 

 

 

From: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 26 / 03 / 06

 

Prof. Rupert J Felcher III
Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd
Reykjavik, Iceland

Dear Veronica,

Received your picture. I am suitably impressed. It seems we are progressing well. Let me remind you once again that I only use e-mail for all business communications. There are 2 reasons for this:
1) As an explorer I travel a lot in remote areas and rely totally on my wireless laptop computer & email to stay in touch.
2) Telephones and faxes are to risky from a security point of view. My own telephone was being tapped by the Canadian Mounted Police who were still trying to fabricate evidence of my wartime activities in the Balkans. (They weren’t at all pleased when I escaped to Iceland). As soon as I discovered this I threw the telephone out the window and haven't used one since.

And speaking of security, how many people know about this money? You mentioned a brother. The more people know about the money the more risk involved. Just to be on the safe side I'd better have a picture of this brother too so I can see who I'm dealing with. As a further display of my own sincerety and committment to security I am sending you another picture of myself. It shows me in my Reykjavik office with a cheque for $10,000 which was donated by my good friend Sir Paul McCartney to finance my next field expedition.

Please get back to me as soon as possible so we can proceed rapidly to the next phase of the operation.

Regards
R.J. Felcher III

 

[Another picture recycled from a previous Rupert Felcher scambait........]

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 27 / 03 / 06

 

Dear Rupert J Felcher III

 

Thank you for getting back to me and i recieved your picture, it is nice.Please i want to ask you some few questions, in your full name after Felcher, 111 is added, what dose 111 satnd for?, again why do you work in remote areas? what is exactly your profession?

 

you also demanded that i send my elder brothers picture to you so that you wil know all the people you are delaing with, i have attached my brothers picture in this email because he is also with me in the refugee camp. we do not have father or mother.

 

No body knows about this buisness only me, my brother and you, even the security company where my late father deposited the boxes dose not know the content of the boxes, it was deposited as family precious items and i am the next of kin, what we want you to do is to come down and pay the dumorage bill and claim the boxes for us.

 

I want you to make the arrangments about how this money will be invested in your country, company or if you have a better plan for the investment. I and my brother and my father parked this money together before he deposited it in Accra Ghana before he was killed and i am sure that the total amount of the money is ($50.4m) Fifty million four hundred U.S dollars in cash $100bill domination matchine parked.

 

You said that when i send the picture you requested, then we will go to the nextlevel of the buisness, now remember that we areoffering you 20% of the total money and also 5% for the expensis you make for the claims. We are surfering in the camp, our condition of living is very poor and bad, because the way we use to live when my father was alive, i mean good life and luxry life, now we find things difficult and bad, we eat once a day and we never knew that we will surffer this way in our life.

 

Please sir, will you come with your friend Sir Paul Mccartney to Ghana for thie claim, dose he know about the buisness? remeber we have tokeep secrecy and secure our plans. You can still reach us with this phone number in the camp +233-244-777-948. in your last picture, you look very handsome.


I am waiting for your next mail and take care of your self.
God bless.

veronica karim

 

 

[So many questions. So few answers. She wants to know what the III after my name stands for. What exactly is my profession? Why do I work in remote areas? Does Paul McCartney know about the business? Why do birds suddenly appear? Somehow I think I might have a problem convincing Paul McCartney to come to Ghana with me; don’t even know him for starters.]

 

[Here’s the photo of her alleged brother. Henry the scammer. The pic is mondo crapola but he sure as hell looks like a scammer.]

 

 

 

From: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 28 / 03 / 06

 

Professor Rupert J Felcher III

Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd

Reykjavik, Iceland

 

Dear Veronica,

 

I see you have a few questions, which I will now try to answer. Note: the numeral III after my name stands for 'the Third'. My father and grandfather had the same name as it is traditional for fathers to give their first son the same name as themself. Thus, my grandfather was Rupert J Felcher I, my father was Rupert J Felcher II, and I am Rupert J Felcher III (the Third). Get it? Anyway, in future, just call me Felch; all my friends do so.

 

I work in remote areas because I am an explorer. That is the nature of exploring. Remote areas need to be explored and explorers need to explore so it's the ideal occupation. That's why my business name is Arctic Skunk EXPLORATION Enterprises. Our business line is exploration. Of course, one cannot afford to explore simply for the sake of exploring, so when I venture into the field I collect gold, platinum, diamonds, uranium and any other valuable commodities I happen to find lying around. These items can be exchanged for cash, so this is one of the ways in which the business makes money.

 

Another way we make money is through investments and donations from wealthy international corporations and individuals. Sir Paul McCartney is a good example of this. He is a personal friend of mine who regularly contributes to our projects. He does not know anything about my arrangement with you; the cheque I received from him was related to an entirely different matter. The newspapers here in Reykjavik love to get pictures of that sort of thing, and it's good publicity for us as well. (I have not mentioned our communications to anyone else).

 

Perhaps if you could send me some pictures of the terrible conditions in the refugee camp I could convince the board of directors of my company, and perhaps others such as Sir Paul McCartney, to make a cash donation to the refugee camp. This might help to make life easier for yourself and all those other people suffering in the camp. Let me know if this is a good idea and we can get started on it.

 

Regards

Felch

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 29 / 03 / 06

 

Dear Felch,
Thank you for your email, i have take few pictures of the refugees in our camp so that you can convience your friends and board members to help us in our terrible conditions, i will scan them and send to you tomorrow.
[Can’t wait.]

 

I and my brother was in the security company where the boxes were deposited and presented the deposit documents to the operation manager and he told me all we have to do is to pay for the dumorage charges which will attract the sum of fifteen thousand euros (15,000.00 euros) so that we can claim the boxes from the company.

 

Now i wish to ask you when you will be coming to Accra Ghana so that we can finish all this, so that you can see things, the refugees and claim our boxes for us, we want you to be the one who will help us in this our terrible condition. We suffer from Maleria every two weeks, we need to leave the refugee camp to a gust house and wait for your arrival.

 

I want you to send your travel plans to me so that i and my brother can wait for you at the airport. We wish to live in the guest house before you arrive but we dont have any money, we buy our food from town and we go to internet cafe in town to send you all this messages and we pay the photographer for the pictures.

 

Felch, i sold the necklace my mother gave to me before she died just for us to buy food to eat and medecines. I want you to have compancion on us and help us relate this massage to your board of directors and Sir Paul McCartney so that they can help us have a better life.


God bless.

 

Veronica karim

 

[Ohh shit…..What have I got poor old Paul McCartney into here? At least she’s calling me Felch now as I asked her to.]

 

 

 

From: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 30 / 03 / 06

 

Professor Rupert J Felcher III
Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd
Reykjavik Iceland

Dear Veronica,

Please note that I have discussed making a donation to the refugee camp with my board of directors. They are showing considerable interest in the idea because donations in excess of a certain amount attract significant tax benefits here in Iceland. Additionally, the company has just experienced a major gold find, so everyone is in good spirits and now is a good time to be hitting them up for donations. As I indicated, the board will require some photographic evidence of conditions in the camp, but as you have assured me this will not be a problem. They will also need to know the name of the camp director or owner for sending any payments. The rest is simply bureaucratic red tape; leave it with me.

Regards,
Felch

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 31 / 03 / 06

 

Dear Felch,
Thank you for the your last email, i have attached to this mail the few photographs of the refugee in my camp.The name of our camp director is John Adeyi.

 

I am glad about your concern and your wish to help us and the refugees, and also i want you to tell me when you might come and meet with the security company for the collection of the boxes.

 

Am waiting for your responce asap.
God bless you.
Veronica Karim

 

[Here’s some of the scammer’s photos of the “camp”……….]

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 01 / 04 / 06

 

Professor Rupert J Felcher III
Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd
Reykjavik Iceland

 

Dear Veronica,

 

Exciting news! After viewing the pictures you sent showing the horrors of camp life, the directors of my company appear to be very enthusiastic about making a substantial donation. I've attached a photo of our latest meeting where the issue was discussed. Hope it looks all right, we've got a slight problem here with rats at the moment; they ate part of our network cable so some of the data may be a little distorted.

 

Thanks for supplying the name of the camp director. When the directors have finally decided on the size of the donation we will send the money to him via MoneyGram. Do you know if there is a MoneyGram office close to where you are? I may need some more details. Please send more pics; it all helps the cause.

 

Regards,

Felch

 

[This is the photo I prepared for the occasion. The Rolling Stones aren’t really convincing as company directors but what the hell. Anyone who’s read the previous scambait featuring Professor Felcher may recall Jagger making an appearence as Major Muff Diver.]

 

Ladies and gentlemen….Arctic Skunk Enterprises and MoneyGram International are proud to present THE ROLLING STONES, with a special guest appearance from British ex-PM Maggie Thatcher!

 

 

[And here’s what I actually sent. I didn't feel like spending 2 hours on a perfect photochop just for the benefit of a scammer so I cover up any obvious faults by running a moderately heavy film grain filter over the image and introducing a major jpeg artefact.]

 

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 02 / 04 / 06

 

Dear Felch,

I saw the picture you sent to me, i showed it to my brother as well, your board directors look nice and you also look good in the picture, the picture showed in black and white in my p.c, i wonder why. [I told you that rats shredded the data cable you dopey bitch!]

 

My brother said that there is a Money Gram here in Accra Ghana, [surprise, surprise] any money which is sent to the camp controller will surely get to us,i and my brother also informed the camp controller about how we gave you his name so that we might recieve funds from philantropists in Ice-land.

 

My brother also said that we will make a great effort to take one or two more pictures of the refugee camp so that the board will belive more in our statements, i will send the picture latter today or tomorrow.

 

Again, you have not said anything about my late fathers deposit, what is happning to that, we need if you can come here by your self or send a representative or even send the dumorage fee to the company via moneyGram.

 

Finally, in your other mail, you concluded your letter with ( The rest is simply beuraucratic red tape ) i tried to find out the meaning of that but i cant, please explain to me in your next email.

 

Thank you for your kindness and efforts to help us.

Veronica Karim

 

[Well it seems my efforts weren’t wasted. I look good in the photo, as do the directors. Maybe if she’s that undiscerning I should have just sent her the original anyway. Notice how she’s using words like ‘philanthropist’, but doesn’t know the meaning of ‘bureaucratic red tape’. Something strange going on there. Anyway, I’ve got her well off-script now; she hardly even mentions the original scam.]

 

 

 

From: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 03 / 04 / 06

Professor Rupert J Felcher III
Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd
Reykjavik Iceland

Dear Veronica,

 

My apologies for the picture being black and white. Most of the pictures I have access to are taken by local newspaper photographers here in Reykjavik and they only use black and white film. Nothing wrong with your computer; the pics were originally black and white. I'm sending you another pic of myself, and Major Muff Diver, the president of Arctic Skunk Exploration. As well as being our president, he is a very close personal friend of mine, and he also shares my fondness for making donations to worthwhile causes.

 

Glad to hear there is a MoneyGram office close by. MoneyGram are one of our corporate sponsors, and we use them exclusively for all money transfers. You asked me what is the meaning of 'bureaucratic red tape'. I'm glad you asked. It is one of the curses of the western world. The expression refers to the endless paperwork that needs to be filled out in order to accomplish even the most basic business activities. (For example, the taxation department is part of the government bureaucracy, and the 'red tape' is all the documents we have to keep and forms we have to fill out just to ensure they are not ripping us off.)

 

Anyway, hope you are keeping well. Don't forget to send more photos.

 

Regards,

Felch

 

[Professor Rupert J Felcher III and Major Muff Diver.]

 

 

 

[Well, it looks like I’ll be dusting off my MoneyGram modalities fairly soon. The massive renamed dll file, the corrupted jpeg, the black box, the blurred MG receipt, the near-fatal accident at the MG office……ahhh, so many choices. I might just use them all.]

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 04 / 04 / 06

 

Dear Felch,


Thank you for your efforts in trying to help us, i also recieved your picture its very nice. I have attached another two pictures of our refugee camp, the house where over 10 people sleep in the night, people from diffrent countries in Africa so that you can present them to your borad so that they will render help to us.

 

You have not said anything about how you will help me and my brother claim the boxes which i told you that my late father deposited in a security company here in Accra Ghana, Felch what are you doing about it? [Actually.....er..... nothing.] I think it will be a good idea to tell your friend Major Muff Diver so that both of you might come down to Accra to retrieve the boxes from the security company and ship them to your country so that we can invest it there.

 

We cannot do anything now because according to the deposit documents, we are owing the company the storage charges of fifteen thousand euros (15,000 euros), we have consulted with the company director and he assured us that as soon as we pay the fee, the boxes will be realesed to us, i want you to do something about this particular matter and let me know when you will arrive, i want to meet you in person.

 

Just as i said before, we have MoneyGram here in Accra Ghana and i do not think that it will be difficult if you want to send money to the company or the camp Director, all we need now is to go to the next step in this transaction because we are suferring alot, the pains is very high, we are putting our trust and hope on what you will do for us because it is a big pleasure to meet some one like you.

 

I am waiting for your responce and i wish to remeind you that the deposit is my late fathers belongings and you have 20% of the deposit as soon as you recieve the boxes, we nned you to do the basic things so that the boxes will be claimed by you and then we will pay all the expensis that this transaction might incure. [Hmm.....did they just bump me from 15% to 20% of the haul? Gee thanks scammers.]

 

Thank you and may God bless and guide you.


Veronica karim

 

 

[More depressing scenes of camp life…….]

 

 

[Have a good look at this next picture. Some of the faces here will appear shortly in different roles. Here they're supposed to be refugees, but the one in the yellow shirt lying on the bench to the left of the picture morphs into the camp director's secretary, the appropriately named Mr Norbert Agyeman. And the one in the white shirt just above centre turns out to be Veronica's brother Henry, who we've already been introduced to earlier.]

 

 

 

 

From: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 05 / 04 / 06

 

Professor Rupert J Felcher III

Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd

Reykjavik, Iceland

 

Dear Veronica,

 

Got the pictures you sent. The directors were very impressed. In fact Doctor Charles Watt was so overcome with emotion it was all we could do to stop him running down to the MoneyGram office immediately. It took three of us to restrain him. We had to give him a shot of whisky and explain to him that we need to follow the correct procedure in order to comply with the taxation modalities.

 

Now listen carefully!

I am sending you an application form for the donation.

It’s the yellow form attached (form-1.jpg).

You must print the form and give it to Mr Adeyi the camp controller.

He should complete the form, then scan it and email it back to me.

The money can only be sent when I receive the completed form.

 

There is one further item of documentation I require. I am also sending you an application form for a grant to conduct research on behalf of Arctic Skunk Enterprises. As I am to pay the 15,000 euro demurrage costs, the only way I can justify this is if I claim it as a tax expense through my business. That way I cover myself if any questions are asked at this end about what the money is for, and I will be able to recover the 15,000 euro as a research expense through the tax system here in Iceland. (Remember, this is quite separate business from the donation money.)

 

Please print and fill out the attached application form I am sending to you. It is the blue form (form-2.jpg). Just write on it that you intend to explore for diamonds in South Africa or something like that. It’s just so I've got something to show the tax people when I claim a refund as a business expense. This way I can't lose whatever happens. Complete the form then scan it and send it back to me as soon as possible.

 

If you have any questions do not hesitate to ask. Do not forget that both forms require a passport image to also be attached when you return them. As soon as I have both forms for my records I will be ready to make plans to travel to Ghana.

 

Regards

Felch

 

 

[The shonky paperwork………]

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 06 / 04 / 06

 

Dear Felch,

 

I thank you so much for your responce and intensions to help us, May the almight God bless you and make your company to prosper. I recieved the forms and i rushed with it to the camp, i showed the camp director Mr Adeyi and they belived more in you, he told me that because of his present schedule, that it will be better if his secretary Mr Norbert Agyeman will be the one who will be recieving the money on behalf of the refugees, that is why we used the name of Norbert Agyeman to fill the yellow form.

[Ahh….Norbert Agyeman eh?......I suppose he would be ‘A GUY MAN’ then, wouldn’t he?]

Now is there any means which i can reach you through telephone? Yesterday we experienced a heavy rain and the camp was damaged by the flood and most of the building was distroyed and now most of the refugees slept outside because they have no shelter.

 

We have filled the forms and i have attached the form to this email as you advised us to do, i hope we did the right thing. I will be glad to have you here in Accra soon so that you can finish the claim and shipment procedue on my behalf, i was in the Provident Insurance and  Security Company yesterday with my brother to inform the Director about your intension to send the dumorage fee for the claim and he told us that when we pay the dumorage, we can claim the boxes.

 

I am greatful for your efforts to help us with other refugees here in Bujubora Camp Accra Ghana and we are waiting for your your arrival, send your travel plans when you book them.


Greetings to all your board members and your friends.

 

Veronica Karim

 

[The completed forms were sent, but the quality was so deplorable most of it was indecipherable so no point in showing them here. Of course I demand that the scammers send them again.]

 

 

 

From: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 07 / 04 / 06

 

Professor Rupert J Felcher III

Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises

Reykjavik, Iceland

Dear Veronica,

 

Received the documents with your last email. Unfortunately I can’t tell if they are filled in correctly because they are too blurred to read properly. Official documents need to be readable. You must send the documents to me again. This time do not use any jpeg compression when you save the images as this is what causes the problem. Re-scan the documents, save them without compression, then attach them and send to me.

 

I am already at the airport. I have attached a picture of me at Reykjavik International Airport. I will be travelling first to Scotland, then London, by airship. That is our company's private airship you can see in the picture and I have been able to secure its use for this journey. We use the airship quite a lot in our exploration activities. Once I arrive in London I will be flying on to Africa by more conventional means. I will provide you with details once I arrive in Scotland.

 

Major Muff Diver has gone to the MoneyGram office here to send some of the donation money. He will email me the receipt when he has done this and I will send it on to you. Success here is dependant on me sending him a readable version of the donation application form so please re-send it quickly. All going well I should be in Ghana within 10 - 12 days.

 

Regards

Felch

 

[Here’s the picture I sent. Hmm……a massive airship full of HYDROGEN…………those things have a notoriously poor safety record I believe. How would you rate the Professor’s chances of getting to London in one piece?]

 

 

 

[Okay….I think we’ve just stepped outside the bounds of credibility once again. I mean, shit…..Keith Richards standing at an airport near an airship bearing a MoneyGram logo, a Tasmanian devil, a ridiculous fake company name and some equally ridiculous Led Zeppelin symbology. If the scammers see that picture and then still re-send the documents I’ll pretty much know they’re in for the long haul, and are thick as bricks.]

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 08 / 04 / 06

 

Dear Felch,

Sorry for the mistake, i have gone round to scan the documents again, I have reattached them to you, i hope thatit meets your demands, i expect your arrival in 12 days time. [Don’t hold your breath scammers]


Please send your travel plans so that i meet you in the airport. Send my Regards to Major Muff Davis and other friends of yours.
[Major Muff DAVIS???] In case they want to send donation through moneyGram,Kindly informm them to send it to the name of,Norbert Agyeman, Accra Ghana West Africa, send the payment information to me through my box so that i can meet them and give the infomation to them.

I will also need your phone numberwhen you get to schottland. [Apologies to the Scots for this butchery]


Thank you.

Veronica

 

[Well here’s the completed forms at last. The scan quality is still extremely poor but I don’t feel like providing detailed instructions on how to produce good ones to these scammers. The originals that I sent were written in MS-Word, printed to PDF with Adobe Acrobat, then opened in Photoshop and saved as GIF images. (JPEG works best for photos and GIF or PDF for documents but we don’t need to tell the scammers that.) These forms have been completed by a different scammer, not Veronica Karim. Look at the spelling in her email, it’s atrocious. The forms were done by someone with fair spelling ability. Handwriting suggests they were both done by the same person too, so Veronica’s having a lend of me here.]

 

 

 

[The camp director’s secretary demonstrates a fair knowledge of piracy. Note his response to the question “What is meant by the word Pirate?”

A1) Someone who attacks ships to steal

A2) Someone who duplicate videos illegally to make money

He’s one ugly son-of-a-bitch however; check out his attached photo! He's the guy from the refugee camp photo too!]

 

 

 

[And Veronica’s off to look for diamonds. She’s supplied me with another picture of herself too. I’m afraid she’s going to need more than diamonds.]

 

 

 

From: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 09 / 04 / 06

Professor Rupert J Felcher III

Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd

Reykjavik Iceland

 

Dear Veronica,

 

Received the scans with your last email. No problem, those are quite acceptable. The directors were ecstatic.

 

I am currently somewhere over the North Atlantic Ocean in the Arctic Skunk Airship on my way to Scotland. These airships are rather slow compared to commercial jets, but they are a hell of a lot less expensive and much more environmentally friendly. Even so I should be in Edinburgh (the capital of Scotland) within 3 days. From there I will travel the short distance south to London, where I will board a British Airways flight for Africa.

 

Major Muff Diver has emailed me the receipt from the MoneyGram office so I've attached a copy to this email. I hope it looks OK as there's a lot of vibration in this airship and the intense cosmic radiation at this altitude doesn't improve wireless transmission either. Anyway, I'll be able to take care of it in person when I arrive in Ghana so there's nothing to worry about. I will contact you again when I arrive in Scotland. Please contact me again and let me know what you are doing, and I would like you to send me some more pictures of you and your family as well so I can show my friends in London.

 

Regards,

Felch

 

[The MoneyGram receipt……… Hope they don't get blurred vision trying to decipher it.]

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 10 / 04 / 06

 

Dear Felch,

 

Thank you for you mails and kindness, the donation document which your friend Major Muff Diver sent through MoneyGram was not clear when i went to the internet with the camp secretary Mr. Norbert Agyeman.

 

Mr. Agyeman continued to say that you do not need to scan the document, all you need to do is to write the senders name, senders address, receiving name, control numbers. He said that with these informations, we can claim the donations. I have been praying for you especially now that you have to fly with the airship to Scotland.

 

I know that my God will guide you and protect you till you get to London to see your friends. I will go to the photographer with my brother tomorrow to take another picture of me and my brother as well but remember about what you told me at the beginning about secrecy, confidentiality about this matter.

 

We anticipate having your flight schedule so that we can receive you at the Kotoka International Airport AccraGhana. I want you to come with your cameras because Accra is an interesting place to be. We hope to hear from you at your earliest convenience and May Gods journey mercy be on you this palm Sunday.

 

Veronica Karim

 

 

 

From: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 11 / 04 / 06

 

Professor Rupert J Felcher III

Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd

Reykjavik, Iceland

Dear Veronica,

 

I have arrived in Scotland. I landed at Edinburgh Castle, a famous Scottish landmark. I have attached a picture of me at the castle. It’s a popular tourist attraction. Became quite an attraction there myself when I landed right on top of the castle. Those bloody tourists had never seen anything like that before!

 

You don't need to worry about secrecy and confidentiality. My friends such as Sir Paul McCartney and the board of directors know only about the donation fund modality - they know nothing about the other business. I am using the donation modality as an excuse to cover travel and expenses.

 

I am leaving for London in the airship tomorrow. This is only a short distance so should only take 1 - 2 days. I will make the flight booking from London to Africa on-line and send you a copy. Don't forget to send pictures. Actually, what I would really like is a picture of you and your friends holding a large sign saying - ACCRA GHANA WELCOMES PROFESSOR RUPERT J FELCHER III - That would really be something. Could you manage this as a special favour to me, and attach it to your next email? As soon as I receive the picture I will send the British Airways flight details.

 

Regards,

Felch

 

[The picture I sent…….Professor Rupert J Felcher at Edinburgh Castle + Zeppelin]

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 12 / 04 / 06

 

Dear Felch,

 

I got you mail. Here are the pic you demanded.Hope its what you want. We have problem to get the pic becaus of mmoney problem here in the camp however we manage to send it to you. Please let us advised your travel plan so we can meet you at the airport here in accra ghanna.

 

Thanks and remain blessed

Veronica karim

 

[And here’s their latest effort. 'Fraid not lads!…that’s NOT what I wanted. Does that look like a LARGE sign? And I wanted more people in the photo. A welcoming committee of three isn’t very convincing. And addressing me as ‘Felch’ is just way too informal for such a grand occasion. COME ON!..... FIRE UP, YOU IDIOTS !!!]

 

[Well, it's apparent by now that I'm dealing with a team of scammers. There's at least the three in the above photo, plus Mr Agyeman, the camp secretary. Ageyman is probably the brains of the outfit, relatively speaking of course, and the other three are strictly shitkickers.]

 

 

 

From: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 13 / 04 / 06

 

Professor Rupert J Felcher III

Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd

Reykjavik, Iceland

Dear Veronica & Friends,

 

I have received the email and photograph. I am afraid I was hoping for something a little more spectacular than that. After all, I am traveling halfway across the world to meet everyone in the camp in Accra and to make a large contribution to improving their lifestyle. The least I can expect is a little more enthusiasm for my arrival on their part. Don't you agree? Also, my friends here in Scotland and in London would be very delighted to see photos of my new friends in Africa.

 

Please follow my instructions to the letter. You must take another photograph for me. Get as many of your friends as you can to be in the photo. They should hold a large banner with the following personalized greeting on it:

 

ACCRA  GHANA  WELCOMES  RUPERT  J  FELCHER  III’

 

The banner should be at least 2 meters wide, and the greeting should be in letters at least 30cm high and easily readable in the photograph. Please do not deviate from these instructions. It is most important to me that the photograph meets my exact specifications. I have many wealthy friends in London and if I have the photo to show them I am sure they will be interested to make further donations to the refugee camp.

 

Regards,

Felch

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 14 / 04 / 06

 

Dear Felch,

 

Thank you for all your updating emails, I was late in response because of the picture you told me to take with my family members, we were not having money to go to the city to take the picture, (transportation and foto charges) any way, I managed with my brother to take some money from the camp director [What?...You stole it?] so that we can take the picture and send it to you.

 

I have attached the picture in this email, I also want when you to come to Ghana, I and my brother will be there to receive you at the Kotoka International Airport Accra Ghana. Are you in London now? If you are give us your contact phone number so that we can at least hear your voice.

I am expecting your travel plan as soon as you can have them so that we will be notified before coming.

 

Thank you and remain blessed.

Veronica karim

 

[Now this is more like it! There’s something a bit suss about that banner, it looks like it's made out of cheap crappy tissue paper, but at least the scammers have put some effort into it this time….and what more can we ask for. Typical scammers though…they make the woman with the baby hold the banner as well.]

 

 

 

From: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 15 / 04 / 06

Professor Rupert J Felcher III

Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd

Reykjavik, Iceland

 

Dear Veronica,

 

I got the picture thanks. I have decided to be spending Easter here in Edinburgh Scotland with some friends of mine. I will travel to London on Sunday evening, should get there early Monday morning if the weather is good. I have attached my flight booking receipt from British Airways. As you can see I will arrive in Accra about 8.00pm Monday 17th April. Please contact me immediately and advise me what arrangements you will be making for my arrival. I will expect to be met at the airport by you and your friends, with the welcome banner, just as in the last picture you sent.

 

Regards,

Felch

 

[The phoney booking receipt (sort of plagiarized from 419eater)…….]

 

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: rjfelcher@fastmail.fm

Date: 17 / 04 / 06

 

Dear felch,

 

I recieved your flight booking and we are arranging to  recieve you at the Kotoka International Airport Accra Ghana by your arrival time.

Hope to see you soon Felch. I will come with the last picture i sent to you so that you will be sure of me at the arrival hall.

 

[NO! NO! NO! You dopey f%&#ing bunch of scammers……I didn’t ask you to bring the photo, I told you to bring the goddamned banner! These scammers have got an absolutely abortionate track record for following instructions.]

 

Veronica Karim

00233-244-777-948

[Hmm….what’s that?.....a phone number?......don’t think I’ll be needing it.]

 

 

 

[Now you really didn’t think Professor Felcher was going to arrive safely in London after traveling all that way in an airship did you? No way. Just as it looked as though he might make it, tragedy strikes at Heathrow. And Major Muff Diver is once again left to take up the strain, much as he detests dealing with scammers...............]

 

 

 

From: mmdiver@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 18 / 04 / 06

 

Major Muff Diver

President & Director of Marine Research Division

Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd

Reykjavik, Iceland

My Dear Ms Karim,

My name is Major Muff Diver, and I am a friend and business associate of Professor Rupert Felcher. I am afraid that I must inform you of some terrible news. My dear friend Rupert Felcher has been killed in an unbelievably tragic accident. I have attached the leading article from the front page of this morning’s London newspaper describing the tragedy. You can see from the photographs the magnitude of the explosion.

You may be aware that he took an airship from our research base here in Iceland, to travel to Scotland, and that was the last we saw of him. Under the circumstances, I have had to take charge of all his affairs including his email correspondence. As president of this organization I am aware that Felch was to provide financial assistance to your camp director by way of a donation. I myself emailed him a MoneyGram receipt for $5000.

If you wish further information you should contact me on this address, however it may be several days before we have the complete picture of what happened. The word terrorism has even been mentioned. Can you believe it? Why would terrorists wish to harm such a great philanthropist as Felch? You must understand I am extremely disturbed by this event, and very busy at the same time, so I will have to leave it at that for now. Please contact me if you have any questions or if I can help you in any way.

Kind regards,

Major Muff Diver

[The front page report from London……….]

 

[Yeah I know…… waaaaay over the top, but I’m thinking these scammers can probably cope with it after everything I’ve thrown at them so far, and considering the time they’ve invested in the exchange. Guess we’ll find out anyway…….]

 

[And just as I suspected, Major Muff Diver receives the following message a couple of days later, after the scammers have had a chance to think it over.]

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: mmdiver@fastmail.fm

Date: 20 / 04 / 06

 

Dear Sir,

what can i do, what can i say, he was about to help us and now he is dead, please i need you to help me and my brother claim the boxes deposited by my late father here in ghana, $26.4 million u.s dollars in  cash.

 

I will also be glad to recieve the donations because we are suffering alot and am sick now. Hope you write back.

 

Veronica karim

 

 

[Ahh……the donation has become significant again. Not much feeling there on the part of the scammers for the late professor. It’s straight back to business and whingeing about their own problems. Major Muff Diver is far from impressed. And of course, the major isn’t up to speed on the original scam because Felch didn’t tell him that part; he only knows about the donation, so the scammers are going to have to explain to him what’s going on!]

 

 

 

From: mmdiver@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 21 / 04 / 06

 

Major Muff Diver

President & Director of Marine Research

Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises

Reykjavik, Iceland

My Dear Ms Karim

 

I have received your mail thankyou. This is a very difficult time for all of us, as I'm sure you will understand. Felch was a very close friend of mine as well as a business partner. All of the directors here are having a difficult time dealing with this tragedy. I am travelling to London in a few of days’ time to collect Felch's computer and the box of diamonds that were recovered from the crash. The computer contains sensitive information, and the diamonds are of course extremely valuable, so I insisted on them being returned as soon as possible.

In your mail you mentioned something about a certain cashbox containing $26.4 million. What is this? I'm afraid Felch did not tell me anything about it. We only discussed the donation. Could you provide me with more information about the cash and then I may be able to help you. How did you get this money? What was Felch going to do with it? Is there any risk involved? Please contact me at your earliest convenience to discuss it. I have attached a picture sent to me by some of my London associates. It shows the AFTERMATH of the zeppelin explosion at Heathrow.

I remain as always, at your service

Major Muff Diver

 

[The attached picture. And it makes me wonder. Even the most tragic circumstances can be a source of inspiration............]

 

 

 

 

[And here’s the reply. How many goddam times to I have to tell these scammers they’re not getting a phone number? And she’s signed off with her name backwards. How many people would do that, even a dumb scammer? My guess is the original scammers are a bit rattled by recent events and a newer and more senior scammer has entered the loop to try and sort things out.]

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: mmdiver@fastmail.fm

Date: 22 / 04 / 06

 

sir,

can i have your phone number? it is important that you give it to me.

the money is my late fathers money, i need attention.

hope to hear from you.

karim veronica

 

 

 

From: mmdiver@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 24 / 04 / 06

 

Major Muff Diver
President & Director of Marine Research
Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises
Reykjavik, Iceland

My dear Ms Karim,

I'm afraid I still don't understand what I am supposed to do with this money. I'm sure I can assist you with a donation, but I know nothing about your father's money. Could you please send me a copy of the original email you sent to Felch. If I read this I am sure I will have a better understanding of what is required. As I stated previously, I am currently on my way to London by submarine to collect Felch's belongings and to make arrangements for a memorial service in his honor.

I will be in London shortly, but you should stay in touch with me by email. I'm afraid Felch's computer contained some extremely sensitive information and it is vital that it fall into my possession without delay. I have received an email and photograph from Commander Jethro Tull of Scotland Yard advising me that they have concluded their investigation of the airship crash. I have attached a copy of the email.

[The major decides to finally provide the scammers with a number they can call. And call. And call. It's a K7 number so no matter how many times they call they won't be able to speak directly to Muff.]

You can contact me on +1-XXX-XXX-XXXX. It's my American office and the call will be re-routed to me wherever I am in the world. If I don't answer immediately just leave a message and I'll get back to you. Anyway, hope you're all in the very best of superlative health. And by the way, please call me Muff. Contact me immediately by email about the money.

Sincerely as always,
Major Muff Diver.

 

 

[The fictitious email from Scotland Yard……..]

 

 

From: j_tull@scotland_yard.uk

To: mmdiver@fastmail.fm

Date: 22 / 04 / 06

 

Commander Jethro Tull

Forensic Services Division

New Scotland Yard

London UK

My Dear Sir Muff,

 

Allow me Sir to first express my sincerest condolences on behalf of everyone here in London as regards your tragic loss. The professor had many wealthy and influential friends in this part of the world and he will no doubt be sadly missed by all. Damn nasty business these zeppelin crashes. Always so little evidence to be recovered. So little of anything really.

 

Getting down to business for a moment Sir, there are a few questions we need to ask you concerning a certain box of diamonds, the contents of Professor Felcher’s computer hard disk, and his activities immediately prior to arriving in London. I understand you are coming to London in the next few days to finalise arrangements for a memorial service. If you would be so kind as to call in and see us we can get this minor unpleasantness out of the way as quickly as possible and at the same time I can personally return the Professor’s possessions to you.

 

I have attached a picture of myself with the items recovered from the crash site. As you can see, the diamonds are all still there Sir, there'll be no need to count them, we've already done that for you. The laptop computer still works, and you will have no trouble recovering the information from the hard disk. We didn't read it of course, just confirmed the unit was still functional. Only problem we had was we couldn't extinguish the fire. The blasted thing is still burning. Our forensic team had never seen anything like it before. Completely baffled they were. Don't know how you'll get it home while it's on fire like that. Oh well, the good news is the fire doesn't seem to be consuming it at all. Reminds me of that old biblical story, you know, the burning bush and like that.

 

Oh well, I am sure we won’t need to be delaying you for long Sir. Understand you will be traveling by submarine. We look forward to your safe arrival; we don’t want any more accidents now do we. Got my AQUALUNG on hand just in case.

 

At Your Service

Comm. J. Tull

 

[And the fabricated picture attached to the fictitious email……..]

 

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: mmdiver@fastmail.fm

Date: 25 / 04 / 06

Dear Mr Muff Dive,

I called your phone but it was voice message that came up, i droped my message in the voice matchine.

Will you recieve the boxes for us? We will be happy if you will assit us, all the deposit documents are with us here in Ghana, you can also call me through my phone number, +233-244-777-948. I want you to call me so that i can hear your voice and also get more use to you.

Thank you for your concern about us, i wish you can come to Ghana so that you will know us more and also belive more in us.
God bless.

Veronica karim

 

[Here's the link to scammer Veronica's phone message to my K7 number.................]

>>>>> Veronica Karim 1.mp3

[Nothing to get excited about, but at least the team from Accra have wasted a little more time & money.]

From: mmdiver@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 27 / 04 / 06

 

Major Muff Diver
President & Director of Marine Research
Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd
Reykjavik, Iceland

Dear Ms Karim,

I am now in London, having arrived by submarine this morning. I am about to send you a donation of $5000 from the MoneyGram office here in London. Security is very tight here due to recent events and all money transfers now require security clearance. Please complete the attached forms and return them to me immediately. You will be able to collect the money after MoneyGram in Accra has been notified by the London office that the forms were received.

Major Muff Diver

 

 

[Here’s the MoneyGram security forms I sent; all six of them. Not my work this time; all credit to 419eater member ‘Bulldozer’ for preparing and making available this outstanding collection of time-wasting paperwork. As always, click on the thumbnails to view the full-size forms........]

 

 

         

 

 

 

[The scammers really seem to be losing the plot now. Their reply is rather incoherent, even by scammer standards. The theme of their messages is starting to come accross like some sort of pathetic mugu-mantra: “Help us Sir…..The boxes…..The donation…….Your phone number……..Help us Sir…….The boxes……The donation…..” and so on. At least they’ve completed the forms I sent, which is a bonus at this stage of proceedings. They’ve filled out so many forms and sent so many photos they’d have to be getting either bored or suspicious by now.]

 

 

 

From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: mmdiver@fastmail.fm

Date: 29 / 04 / 06

 

Dear Mr Muff,

 

We have fill the forms and attach. Mr Agyeman had to write the forms as i have maleria fever.

Sir we still have to claim the boxes.Time is running out. Please can you help us now.We are suffering terribly here in the camp. Professor felch promised to assist us with donations and we expect you will honor his promise.

 

Can you come to Ghana to collect the boxes. We need you to contact us by telephone to duiscuss this. My number is 00233-244-777-948.

 

God bless

Veronica Karim

 

 

[And now have a look at how the scammers have butchered those lovely forms. Not a trace of colour left and they look like cheap photocopies. This doesn’t seem to be the same Norbert Agyeman who filled out the earlier yellow donation form. The scammer is using the same name & same photo ID, but the handwriting doesn’t match & this scammer is obviously far less educated all round.]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Hmm.......Major Muff Diver is thinking these scammers just might be good for another photograph. Well, it won't hurt to ask anyway. They're only scammers after all.]

 

 

 

From: mmdiver@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 01/ 05 / 06

Major Muff Diver
President & Director of Marine Research
Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd
Reykjavik, Iceland

Calvary Greetings Ms Karim!

Thank you so much for completing the paperwork. I am sure we can move ahead very quickly now with the donation. I'll just get these forms down to the nearest MoneyGram office here in London. The people at MoneyGram are always so pleased to see me you know. MoneyGram are one of our largest and most enduring corporate sponsors. In fact, all this talk about money and donations has given me an idea.

As I didn't actually get to see any of the more recent pictures you sent to my dear departed collegue Felch I will ask you to provide me with another one. The picture should be of you and your friends and family holding a large banner. The text on the banner should read:

"CALVARY GREETINGS MAJOR MUFF DIVER
FROM ALL YOUR FRIENDS IN ACCRA GHANA"

The banner needs to be at least 2 meters wide and the greeting should be written in letters no less than 30cm high. These are standard international requirements for greeting banners, as I'm sure Felch already pointed out. The photograph should be large enough that the greeting message is clearly readable, and the faces of all the people in the photograph are clear as well.

As soon as I have the photograph I will take the forms to the MoneyGram office and send your donation. In the meantime, please remain in outstanding health.

Kindest regards as always,
Major Muff Diver


From: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

To: mmdiver@fastmail.fm

Date: 03/ 05 / 06

Dear Sir,
I recieved your last email, please my fears is that i might go through this stress and at the end of the day you will not come to Accra Ghana to see what am telling you or care for me. We need you to come for the boxes.
[Arrrrrgh.......The goddamned boxes again!]


We and the camp controller Mr adeyi will reward you well. Since you have given me your phone number, i will call you and say hello again.
I really need you to call me on My number 00233-244-777-948 so we can talk.

We will be please to have the donation.Thank you for everything and may the lord guide you all the days of your life.
veronica karim

 

 

 

[These scammers just can't get their shit together. Not only did they not send the picture, there wasn't even any reference to it or an excuse for not sending it. Nothing. Major Muff Diver's patience has just about expired. He gives the scammers one last chance to come up with the goods.]

 

 

 

From: mmdiver@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 04/ 05 / 06

Major Muff Diver
President & Director of Marine Research
Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd
Reykjavik, Iceland

Dear Ms Karim,

 

Your last email made no sense to me. You need to listen very carefully to my instructions. In my previous mail I asked for a photograph. You seem to have overlooked this in your last response. Let me stress that I must have the picture before we can proceed. Send me the picture, exactly as I described, then I will send you a donation of $5000 by MoneyGram. I will then travel to Ghana by submarine to assist you in claiming the boxes. Is that clear? Please do not delay in responding. Every day you waste the closer you come to missing out on the money.

 

Sincerely,

Major Muff Diver.

 

 

 

[Nothing doing. It's been over a week now. Major Muff Diver suspects the scammers may have decided to chalk this one up to experience. What the hell. The major decides to send them a farewell message, just to let them know what they've missed out on............]

 

 

 

From: mmdiver@fastmail.fm

To: veronicakarim@yahoo.com

Date: 14/ 05 / 06

Major Muff Diver
President & Director of Marine Research
Arctic Skunk Exploration Enterprises Ltd
Reykjavik, Iceland

Dear Ms Karim & Friends,

I am terribly sorry I was unable to assist you, however things have a way of working out for the best. If you had sent the picture, the money would now be yours and I would be on my way to Ghana to claim the boxes. Fortunately for me, your delay in responding meant that I was introduced to Bianca, who is also from Africa, and has been living in even worse conditions than yourselves. She sent me an email virtually begging me to help her. Well, what could I do? I sent her three donations of $5000 each. Then she sent me her picture so I can see how happy she is now, and how her life has completely changed because of the money. I've attached the picture she sent so you can see for yourselves. Something tells me she's keen to demonstrate her appreciation when she joins me here in London at my expense in a few days time. And all this has been made possible because of you! I really must thank you again. I am certain the money has gone to an even more worthy cause, and I have made another new friend. The good lord certainly does work in mysterious ways!

 

Adios.............

Major Muff Diver

 

 

[And here's the picture of 'Bianca' I sent to the scammers..............]

 

 

 

 

Well it certainly looks as though Major Muff Diver won't be running short of BROWN SUGAR for a while. And what of Professor Felcher? Of course he didn't really die in that zeppelin explosion, did he? Commander Jethro Tull & the forensic mob certainly found no hard evidence of his death at the crash site. There's the usual rumours doing the rounds to the effect that he faked his own disappearence because he'd had a gutful of dealing with 419 scammers, not to mention living on the Arctic Circle and freezing his ass off 24/7. Who could blame him really? However, there's already been several unsubstantiated sightings of him at various locations around the planet. Throwing a television set out of a Los Angeles hotel room window; at a Rolling Stones performance in Tokyo, Japan; falling out of a coconut tree in the Pacific Islands. Anyway, one thing's for sure, the professor is one of life's true survivors. And you know the old saying................

 

 

It's all right now in fact it's a gas.

It's all right, Jumpin' Jack Flash it's a piece of ass!!!

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