FROM BARRISTER BUKKY.
SILVER CHAMBERS LOME TOGO
LOME TOGO WEST AFRICA.
I am contacting you for the claim of your late uncle's fund that was deposited with the union togolaise bank. I must solicit your....utterly confidential and top Secret blah blah blah...
Though I know that contact of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you etc.
I am BARRISTER BUKKY. the attorney to your late uncle,Engr J B. Bolger. (Snr) an oil Merchant with the Federal Government of Lome-Togo,until his death some years ago in Kenya Air Bus(A310-300)Flight KQ430, Banked with blah blah blah...
UNION BANK PLC,Lome-Togo and had a closing balance as at the end of September, 2001 worth US$28,000,000.00 (Twenty eight Million United States Dollars).
The bank now expects the Next of Kin to come forward as Beneficiary etc. etc.
Now the management under the influence of the bank Chairman etc. etc.
All documents and proof to enable you get this fund will be carefully worked out by me etc. etc.
Now it is left for you deceide on what you will give as my percentage for assisting you etc. etc.
My reply to Barrister Bukky:
Just wanted to correct a little typo you made there, calling J.B. Bolger my "uncle." Fact is he was my father! We kept this secret for years and years, because it was rather embarrassing to him to have a love child with his brother's wife. But he's really my dad. And the guy everybody thought was my father, Q.T. Bolger, is my uncle. But he's also my step-father. So I'm my own cousin! When I have children, I'll be their father AND their uncle, which is good, since I have no brothers (or cousins, except me). Got that?
Anyway, please correct your letter and resend.
FROM: BARRISTER JOHNSON KAMARA°
KAMARACHAMBERS & ASSOCIATES,
RUE 58 BE-KPOTA ,
I am Barrister Johnson Kamara,an Attorney at law, and the Personal lawyer to Engineer W.A.Bolger ,a foreigner who used to work with Shell International Republic of Togo blah blah blah...
As it may interest you to know, Your contact was giving to me by divine aspiration at the office of the Chamber of commerce and Tourism in Lome-Togo blah blah blah
On the 21st of April 2002,my client,his wife and their two children were involved in a car accident along Kara-Sokode expressway blah blah blah
I am contacting you to assist in repatriating the fund valued at US$10.5m, blabbedy blab blab
On smooth conclusion of this transaction, you will be entitled to 30% of the total sum as gratification, while 5% will be set aside to take care of expenses that may arise during the time of transfer and also telephone bills, while 65% will be for me. ETC. ETC.
Upon your acceptance to this proposal,. I expect etc. etc.
Barrister Johnson Kamara esq
Wow! What a coincidence! I can't believe you sent me this e-mail about W.A. Bolger...did you realize that is my surname also? Amazing! At first I thought he might have been part of the family, in which case I would feel a bit chagrined for not having sent flowers to the funeral. Then I realized he was one of the "other" Bolgers; not related. It's spelled the same, but we pronounce it "Bol-ger" and they pronounce it "Bolg-er." Don't feel bad...a lot of people make that assumption.
In any event, I'm quite curious about the "divine aspiration" that caused you to contact me. In what way did something divine aspirate?" Was it a Divine Wind? I bet you were resuscitated from a near-death experience! Please let me know. I'm not often party to miracles! I just hope the aspiration wasn't mis-pronounced, and you're really intended to contact one of the "other" Bolgers, because I could sure use the money.
Your new friend,
Rick Bolger (of the Bolger Bolgers)
Barrister Johnson Kamara responded on May 5th:
Dear Rick Bolger ,
How are you doing? Thank you very much for your mail received. The contents were understood.
I contacted you in this transaction for our mutual benefit and for a lasting business relationship, having made unsuccessful attempts upon my several enquiries to locate any of my clients extended relatives. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to contact you as you have the same last name with him.
Firstly, be rest assured that this our mutual benefit transaction is 100% risk free as all the original documents that will be needed in a transaction of this nature ascertaining you as the bona fide beneficiary next of kin of Late Engr W.A Bolger will duly and legally be issued and obtained in your name and favour.
Please understand that I am an adult with family only thinking of how to establish the legacy for my children and that is exactly why I am contacting you in this business.
Let me go straight to explain more on the event that led to this before I expatiate on the project proper. The Engr W.A.Bolger was a big customer of the finance company. He operated a coded account with the firm before he died on a motor accident On the 21st of April 2002,along with his wife their two daughters. (here he goes on and on and on and on)
Well, this is one of the numerous avenues monies are made within and amongst the financial institution management.In fact, Engr W.A.Bolger was one of my best clients etc. ad nauseum
Normally, when something like this happens in financial institution it is reported to the management.The Management can only wait for four years for a next of kin to show up (here he really gets verbose...I'll spare you)
To explain myself properly, I am not a board member and of course, I am not part of the Management and I do not work with the finance company. I am not rich, therefore, if I have this opportunity and throw it to the wolves, then I must be the "stupidest" the most "foolish-man" that has ever lived. (not quite, Johnson, but you're coming close)
I have fully put everything in place and since this is an opportunity open to anybody, I do not see anything wrong in what I am doing etc. etc.
I am a legal Practitioner and the principal partner of Kamara Chambers with registered office address at No.10 Rue Avenida, Lome-Togo in west Arfica. I was the late Engr W.A.Bolger Personal attorney as earlier informed you.
As previously informed you also, after unsuccessful attempts to locate the real relatives of my late client, I resorted to independent search and by divine inspiration I got your contact by divine aspiration at the office of the Chamber of commerce and Tourism in Lome-Togo as I was going through some directories, therefore my contacting you in respect of this transaction of great mutual benefit. The truth remains that you are not the real relative of my late client, but for the fact that he has the same last/surname like you, you can with my aid as his personal lawyer be approved by the firm as his next of kin because I have all the secret information that are contained in this security file jacket with the firm that will facilitate that.
It is only myself that knows that you are not the real relative. Unfortunately my late client did not have any Will before his sudden death. Although he had earlier notified me of that in the near future. (Think about that sentence for a moment)
It is therefore with absolute confidence that I wish to inform you more of the details yadda yadda yadda
As soon as they receive this application,documentation for the claim will automatically start. etc. etc. etc.
For being involve in this transaction, I have therefore resolved to offer you 30% of the total sum as gratification in helping me champion this business. 65% will be for myself while 5% and on and on
Therefore what you are expected to do is to prepare an application letter as next of kin to the deceased etc. etc.
As soon as you give me your hands of co-operation, I will send to you the specimen of the text of application (this is the longest 419 letter I've ever seen, so I'm sparing you the miserable details)
Please, for further clarification feel free to call me on my direct phone number.+228-922-58-38
Looking forward to hearing from you.
My regards to you and your family and God bless.
Barrister Johnson Kamara Esq.
My response to this long-winded monstrosity:
Thank you for your voluminous e-mail. Do you always talk that fast? Sounds like you have a lot of energy!
I really, truly appreciate your endeavours on this money thing. The only problem is, where you say "It is only myself that knows that you are not the real relative." Even though you have secret information in the security file jacket, once the people hear how W.A.'s last name is pronounced, and that mine is pronounced differently, they're going to be suspicious. I think they're going to figure it out, and even the special secret information won't be enough to keep the lid on. They're just going to know.
So I guess it boils down to, how do you pronounce his name? Is it "Bolger" or do you accentuate it like "Bolger" ? Please pronounce it for me in your next e-mail.
It's tough having a confusing surname. In your case, "Kamara," it's pretty straightforward. There was a professional wrestler named "Kamala the Ugandan Giant." But I'm pretty sure that was a stage name, and I think his real name was Fred Johnson! Like your first name! Isn't that a coincidence? I wonder if he left any money hidden in a special secret account.
I'll wait to hear from you.
Johnson fires back on May 6:
Dear friend Rick,
Thank you for you mail response, well i think the pronounciation of your last name does not matter in this transaction, all that matters is your readiness to partner with me as you have thesame last name with my late client, i am here as his personal attorney to guide you the moment you tender an application to the security company for the claim, all the rest of the question concerning the investigation will be directed to me as his personal attorney and Confidant, so there is nothing to fear as i have every document of prove to the consignment which no other person has, so forget about how the name Bolger is being pronounced for it does not matter, but in a situation whrerby you know you cannot champion this course with me just quickly inform me to avoid delaying this transaction for me.
I am waiting for your confirmation as soon as possible.
Thanks and Bless you,
Barrister Johnson Kamara Esq.
Doesn't matter? HA! Here's my reply:
Hey ho! Did you notice I changed the pronunciation on my name? I'm not sure if you could tell from my e-mail address, but I'm saying it differently now. I think this will help minimize the potential for disaster with the pronunciation. I don't know why I didn't just change it sooner. I'm insisting that everyone call me "Bolger" instead of the other "Bolger." So it's ok now.
As for the transaction, I have a couple of ideas we should discuss. You originally said:
"On smooth conclusion of this transaction, you will be entitled to 30% of the total sum as gratification, while 5% will be set aside to take care of expenses that may arise during the time of transfer and also telephone bills, while 65% will be for me. All I require from you is your honest co-operation to enable us see this transaction through."
But see here, I'm doing more than just "co-operating honestly." I'm changing my name! I think you should get 65% as planned, set aside 5% for expenses, and I should get 40% now for my troubles.
I'm just trying to be reasonable.
Your friend in the USA,
note the new pronunciation!
Johnson says we are making progress, May 7:
Dear Friend Rick,
Thanks for your mail response, Well i think for now we are making progress, since the issue of pronounciation is settled, okey on the issue of the percentage, i don't think we will have much to drag about that, because on my side here, i have a lot to spend on this transaction before it will be lifted over to their offshore office where you can now go for the clearance with the necessary document that i will send to you,but all thesame for your efforts and honesty, i am ready to give you 35% percent of the total sum, and i will take 65% as proposed, but i will have to undergo the whole expenses on my side here, and on arrival of the consignment to their offshore clearing center in America, you will take care of the rest of the expenses which will include the clearing charges and other diplomatic bills.However, that is why i have decided to allot the 5% mapped for the expenses for you to increase your percentage to 35%, so i feel as my partner in thuis transaction that this is okey for you.
On your acceptance to this my percentage proposal, get back to me so that i will send to you imediately the Text Of Application Of Claim you will fill and fax to the security company for immediate processing and change of ownership to your name and favour and other official protocols concerning the release of the consignment should followed up by me.
I will also like you to send to me your private telephone and fax number to enable me reach you at any emergency,meanwhile this is my mobile telephone number +011-228-922-58-38,you can call me at anytime of the day for more clarification any where you don't understand.
I am waiting for your urgent response,
Thanks and God bless you.
My regards to you and your family.
Barrister Johnson Kamara Esq.
I disagree. Here's my reply:
Dear Johnson Kamara,
It seems we have run into the first glitch in our heretofore strong relationship.
I don't agree that the issue of pronunciation is settled. It's easy for you to say, (no pun intended) because the only person they're going to confuse you with was a big fat professional wrestler who painted tribal images on his belly. In my case, however, it's a huge issue. Huge. Some people are starting to look at me strangely because of the new pronunciation of my name to match your deceased Bolger. I almost wonder if they suspect that I'm about to inherit a windfall from someone who wasn't really my relative. Nobody's asked me yet, so perhaps I'm just being paranoid. Anyway, I was thinking, "how can I cover all the bases?" You know, make it so this is foolproof as far as pronunciation is concerned?
Well, I thought about it. Then I cogitated, ruminated, and deliberated. Finally, I thought of a way that would kill two birds with one stone: I registered email@example.com as my new e-mail. See how it covers both pronunciations? I can be in both Bolgers, so I'm all set no matter who dies from now on!
Next is the little matter of the percentages. I had no idea you had all those expenses! It really isn't fair to have you absorb all those costs. I think you should keep 65% -- the entire 65% -- for your efforts. I'll agree to the 35% for me, and the 5% for the expenses. Then we should do another 5% for the clearing center, and put another 5% for the diplomatic bills. I also think the forms and faxes are going to add up, so we probably ought to put another 5% aside for incidentals, legal fees etc., and 10% more if anything happens, just to be safe. How does that sound?
Have a great weekend,
Rick Bolger/Rick Bolger
I am Barrister EMMANUEL.P.ANSAR, a solicitor at law,personal attorney to Mr.P.B.Bolger, a national Of your country,who used to work with Shell Development Company in Lome Togo. Here in after shall be referred to as my client.
On the 21st of April 2000, my client,his wife and their only daughter were involved in a car accident along Nouvissi express Road.
All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately etc. etc.
After these several unsuccessful attempts,I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you.
I have contacted you to assist in repartrating the fund valued at US$8.5 million etc. etc.
The said Security Finance Company has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin etc. etc.
Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for etc. etc.
I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. etc.
It wouldn't be fair to go behind Johnson's back, so I answered Mr. Ansar as follows:
You may find it hard to believe, but I've been talking with another guy from your country, who knew another guy named Bolger, who worked for the same oil company, died in the same circumstances! You're probably thinking, "What a coincidence!" But no, it was a different guy. The guy I was contacted about was W.A. Bolger, and yours is P.B. Bolger. I'm going to stick with W.A. Bolger, since he had 10.5 million squirreled away, and your guy only had 8.5 million. So I guess it's not that much of a coincidence. I'm working with Barrister Johnson Kamara. Do you know him?
Thanks for the offer,
Johnson gets back in the picture on May 11. He wants power of attorney...
Dear Friend Rick Bolger,
I understood that you are not very serious to finish up this transaction.So i think the best way we can do it is for you send me a power of attorney for me to change the benefiary of the consignment.
Please reply i am waiting.*
Barrister Johnson Kamara.Esq
Obviously Johnson doesn't know about my offer from Barrister Ansar. Yet out of loyalty I decided to give him the power of attorney he asked for...
What do you mean I am not serious? YOU aren't the one with the unusual name. I haven't heard your answers to my proposed percentages, which is kind of rude, but maybe that's how things are in your little runt of a country. Despite this insulting behavior, I downloaded a power of attorney form, to get a power of attorney just as you asked. In fact I cut and pasted the beginning here:
GENERAL POWER OF ATTORNEY
NOTICE: THE POWERS GRANTED BY THIS DOCUMENT ARE BROAD AND SWEEPING. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THESE POWERS, OBTAIN COMPETENT LEGAL ADVICE. THIS DOCUMENT DOES NOT AUTHORIZE ANYONE TO MAKE MEDICAL AND OTHER HEALTH-CARE DECISIONS FOR YOU. YOU MAY REVOKE THIS POWER OF ATTORNEY IF YOU LATER WISH TO DO SO. I, _____________________________ [YOUR FULL LEGAL NAME], residing at etc. etc.
...anyway, this has to be "notarized" by a Notary Public for it to be legal and binding. But you probably know that, being a Barrister and all. So I filled it out and walked to the library where they have a full time Notary for people like me doing big deals, important business, and various items of international intrigue. I gave it to the lady and she said, "So you need this power of attorney notarized, Mr.....(and then she looked at my name that I had filled in) Bolger?" AND SHE PRONOUNCED IT BO-LGER! A third way of saying it!! Well you can imagine I panicked. I think everybody is wise to what I'm doing here, and I think someone has me under surveillance for all this money I might get.
Now, to add insult to injury, you say I'm not serious! Well for your information Mr. Smarty-Pants Barrister, another Barrister, Mr. EMMANUEL.P.ANSAR, personal attorney to Mr.P.B.Bolger, who used to work with Shell Development Company in Lome Togo, sent me an e-mail similar to your orighal one. He has been talking to me about a completely different deal! This P.B. Bolger didn't have as much hidden away as your client, but Mr. Ansar "guarantees" that he will protect me from the law, and he pronounces his dead Bolger the same way I do, so I don't have to go through any chicanery with changing my name.
Money talks, nonsense walks! That's an American expression for saying I may not want to do business with you any more since you're getting to be hard to deal with. Do you know Mr. Ansar? He doesn't have a secret file, but he's making a pretty important guarantee with all due assurances. And you know, maybe he DOES have a secret file, and it's just more secret than yours!
We're still friends, but I await your apology.
No response. Haven't heard from any more Bolger's Barristers; perhaps Africa is safe once again for the various Bolgers with monies hidden in secret accounts.
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