Crusade To A Fetish Village


TITLE: Crusade To A Fetish Village
SCAMMER NAME: Donald Pedro
SCAMMER LOCATION: Owerri State & Lagos, Nigeria
SCAMBAITER: Scam Patroller

It all started off with an email sent to me by a known Nigerian charity scammer called, Donald Pedro, he rips of churches and charities and asked for a donation from my baiting church website, I guess he picked the wrong site this time :)

These are the characters in my bait.

I am Father O'Hanxxx, my emails are in green text.
The scammer, Donald Pedro, is in blue text.
The scammer, Reverend Samuel Peters (this is also Donald Pedro using different name), is in purple text.
I am Pope Benedict in brown text.
I am Father A Dxxx in bronze text.
My notes or comments are in black or highlighted in red text.




May 24th 2006, the scammer has applied for a grant through my fake church website, this is what he needs the grant for :).

Name: DONALD Pxxxx
Postal Address: 127 ROxxx ROAD OWxxx IMO STATE NIGERIA
Country: NIGERIA
Age: xx YRS
Date of Birth: 16/02/19xx
Occupation: FARMER/CHURCH PARISH WORKER
Email Address: xxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com

Amount Required: 2000 POUNDS
Reason For Grant: TO SPONSOR A TWO WEEK CRUSADE IN A REMOTE AND FETISH VILLAGE TO RID IT OF ITS AGE LONG FEMALE DEITY BELIEVED TO BE EATING UP FEOTUS/EMBRYO MONTHLY FOR SACRIFISE.MANY ATTEMPTS TO GET RID OF IT PREVIOUSLY HAD SOME RESULTANT FATAL EFFECTS ON THE TEAM BUT NOW,REKNOWNED MEN OF GOD ARE WILLING TO COME WITH ME IF I AM READY.VERY STRONG MEN OF GOD EVEN SOME FROM GHANA.

THANKS FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED COPERATION.





He sent that 3 times using the online form on my church baitin website, and just to make sure he sent it as normal email as well, I really must find out more about this :)

DEAR FATHER O'H,

I JUST FILLED AND SUBMITTED YOUR GRANT FORM BUT I FEAL I SHOULD ALSO NOTIFY YOU ON MY REASONS FOR THE GRANT. REASON.....

TO SPONSOR A TWO WEEK CRUSADE IN A REMOTE AND FETISH VILLAGE TO RID IT OF ITS AGE LONG FEMALE DEITY BELIEVED TO BE EATING UP FEOTUS/EMBRYO MONTHLY FOR SACRIFISE.MANY ATTEMPTS TO GET RID OF IT PREVIOUSLY HAD SOME RESULTANT FATAL EFFECTS ON THE TEAM BUT NOW,REKNOWNED MEN OF GOD ARE WILLING TO COME WITH ME IF I AM READY.VERY STRONG MEN OF GOD EVEN SOME FROM GHANA.

THANKS FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED COPERATION.

YOURS BROTHERLY

DONALD SEAN PEDRO.





I think we need to get some more info about it first of all, I sent him this.

Dear Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, it is absolutely outrageous that a deity is eating the feotus's and embryo's of unborn children for sacrifice, I have heard of these deities before and the evil they do, please give me a full account of what has been happening with regards to this evil doer and the fetish village, I want to know exactly what goes on there in detail, what practises do they do in the fetish village?

I would like a full written breakdown of all the individual costs that will be incurred on this crusade, please state all items that will be required to deal with the deity.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Got a reply, the lads really do make me laugh with the stuff they come up with :)

DEAR FATHER O’H,

THANKS FOR YOUR URGENT RESPONSE.

IT IS BELIEVED THAT THIS DEITY IS FEMALE AND WAS A WIFE TO THE god OF THUNDER"AMADI-OHA" BY THE PEOPLE OF THIS VILLAGE. THEIR ANCESTORS WORSHIPPED HER TO THE FULLEST BEFORE THE EARLY MISSIONARIES EXPLORED.

AT A TIME MAY BE EARLY 40’S TILL RECENTLY,THE ACTIVITIES IN THE SHRINE WEREN’T TAKEN SERIOUSLY BUT JUST FEW YEARS AGO,A NEW SHRINE PRIEST[OCCULTIC]WAS IMPLANTED TO RUN THE ACTIVITIES OF THE SHRINE AND THIS NEW PRIEST WITH VIGOR STARTED OBSERVING SOME OF THE ABANDONED RITUAL PRACTISES TO THE god.

ANY PREGNANT WOMAN THAT DOES NOT BRING AT LEAST A COCK a what, oh that sort of cock :) DURING HER GESTATION PERIOD USUALLY HAVE A STILL BIRTH AND ANY NON-INDEGINEOUS LADY[PREGNANT]THAT PASSES THE WAY OF THE SHRINE GETS MISCARRIAGE WITHIN A WEEK.THIS DOES HAPPEN AND SEVERAL RELIGIOUS GROUPS HAVE TRIED TO DESTROY HER TO NO AVAIL,THOUGH THEY ARE NOT SUCH A FORCE.

SOMETIME IN NOVEMBER LAST YEAR IN MY DREAM,THE LORD MINISTERED TO METHAT I WILL BE THE ONE TO FORM A FORMIDABLE FORCE TO DELIVER THE PEOPLE OF UMUCHOKO VILLAGE FROM THIS. SINCE THEN I HAVE BEEN CONSULTING AND ARRANGING WITH VERY STRONG MEN AND WOMEN OF GOD ALMIGHTY INCLUDING A CATHOLIC REVEREND FATHER FROM MY VILLAGE.AND I HAVE ARRIVED AT THE MODALITIES. I HAVE PUT IN A LOT OF MY WIDOW’S MIGHT ON THIS PROJECT UNTIL GOD DIRECTED ME TO THE CHURCH OF GOODWILL.

AS TO THE BREAKDOWN ON THE INDIVIDUAL COSTS:

[1] THE AIR TICKETS OF THOSE COMING FROM GHANA AND THEIR FEEDING/ACCOMODATION FOR TWO WEEKS--------1,200 POUNDS

[2]HIRING OF CANOPIES AND MINI BUSES FOR CONVEYANCE-----300 POUNDS

THE CHURCH HAS PUBLIC ADDRESS SYSTEMS AND A COMPETENT GOSPEL BAND---NO COST a fricking band, at least that's free, damn, he could have got £300 for that if he had asked nicely :)

[3]HIRING THE BULLDOZER TO CLEAR THE SHRINE AFTER THE REVIVAL/DELIVERANCE SESSION-------200 POUNDS WTF, a bulldozer, not heard that one before, what a craker :)

[4]PRINTING OF HANDBILLS /RADIO AND TELEVISION AWARENESS JINGLES------200 POUNDS you having a laugh mate, radio and TV jingles, would love to hear those

THIS WILL TOTAL TO 1,950 POUNDS AS AGAINST 2000 POUNDS I REQUESTED. thanks, you saved me £50

BUT I GUESS THE EXTRA 50 POUNDS IS FOR OTHER MISCELLENOUS EXPENCES. I guess you didn't save me £50, make sure you use every pound wont you

ACTUALLY,WE ARE NOT RELYING SOLELY ON YOUR GRANT BUT IT WILL HELP A GREAT DEAL. yeah, I can just see people queuing up to help you with this

MAY ALMIGHTY GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU ATTEND TO THIS. PLEASE IF IT WILL BE GRANTED ME,LET ME KNOW SO THAT I WILL START MAKING OTHER PRE-ARRANGEMENTS AND NOTIFY OTHER PRINCIPAL PARTICIPANTS.

ALL MY CHRISTIAN LOVE

BROTHER DONALD PEDRO.





So who is this fetish god of thunder called, "Amadi-Oha", that he is talking about. I searched Google, and this is the fetish who we will be fighting, Amadioha (Thunder God) & His Wife:

Looks quite cute actually LOL, I have sent him a reply, I didn't want to ask for too much this early on, wanted to get a good hold first, but then I thought, sod it, might as well ask for some things now to see how responsive he is, also offered him a job as our Nigerian pastor if he fancies it, might sweeten him up a bit.

Dear Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, from your description that deity sounds truly ghastly, we shall certainly have to deal with it and make sure that it never takes any more unborn children, I and my church will do everything in our power to help you rid the village of the evil one.

I have looked over your breakdown of individual costs, but can you explain to me in detail why people need to come from Ghana to help you, what is so special about them that they can help with this evil doer?

How far is the deity located from where you live, I gather it must be very local to you, because you mention that when pregnant women walk past it, they are caused to have a miscarriage some time later, so presumably, it must be close to you as pregnant women cannot walk very far. Which brings up the issue of why you will need canopies and mini busses for transport, surely if the deity is very local, you will not need transport, or am I missing something?

The bulldozer I have no problem with, it is essential item needed to crush the evil one and it's shrine to the ground and grind it in to dust. Please put the words "sponsored by the Church of Gxxxxxxx" painted on the bulldozer so that people know it was us who helped you destroy the evil one, it will be great advertising for my church.

You mention about making handbills, plus radio and TV jingles, this intrigues me, so you are going to do a mass advertisement broadcast about the downfall of the evil deity? I must say that sounds very good and will raise a lot of interest, which will also be good for the Church of Gxxxxxxx in Africa because we have no church in your area. I trust that you will be mentioning the name of my church on all the handbills and jingles?

I would like too see some drafts of the handbills you are having made, and I would also like to hear a draft of the recording of the jingle, these are needed for church records, this will go a long way to proving you are genuinely in need of this £2000 grant, because my Bishop has absolute final say in all financial matters now regarding grants, although I do also have a big say in who gets a grant, so providing you do whatever I ask of you, I can report back to my Bishop and you should get your full grant without any problem!

I will also need some photographic proof of the deity for church records, please send someone to take photographs of it as soon as possible so as not too delay your grant application.

Brother Pxxxx, I take it from you using the name "brother" that you are a man of the church? Are you an actual pastor? If you are, I have something which you personally may be very interested in, I have been speaking to my Bishop about your problems, and as I mentioned before, we have no branch of our church in your area, if you are a real pastor, would you be interested in running the Nigerian branch of our church?

You seem to be a man who gets things done and I like that a lot, especially as you are fighting evil on your doorstep, and we need someone like you in Nigeria as our representetive, as with our other overseas pastors, you would of course receive a pastors wage of approximately £15,000 per year, we would also provide substantial funds to build a church and living quarters for you, you would have complete control over the church, to give you an idea, our most recent overseas pastor has a new church which cost us nearly £120,000 to build in kenya, it also has it's own personal residence attached to the church with a large conference hall, it really is very plush, I visited it when building work was completed, it is very palatial place.

You will of course have to show me some documentation showing that you are indeed a fully fledged pastor, which I am sure you can provide, please let me know if you would be interested in being our pastor in Nigeria, as my church is always looking to branch out in new areas.

Well Brother Pxxxx, I will end my email here, please get back to me and tell me when I can expect to have copies of the drafts for the handbills and the jingles, plus the photo of the evil deity for our records, may God guide you in all you do my son.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Already, the scammer makes his first demand for money, he wants £50 as a token to send the handbills, jingles and shrine photos by courier, I will reply to him later this evening.

DEAR FATHER O'H,

I WILL RESPOND TO YOUR MAIL ACCORDINGLY,I COULDN'T WRITE BACK TO YOU IMMEDIATELY YESTERDAY BECAUSE I HAD TO GO TO THE BULLDOZER MAN TO INQUIRE IF WE CAN PRINT THE CHURCH OF Gxxxxxxx ON HIS EQUIPMENT .

HIS ANSWER WAS NO BECAUSE OF THE PROCESS OF PAINTING AND REPAINTING BUT WE LATER CONCLUDED ON PRINTING IT ON TWO OR THREE BANNER POTRAYING THE CHURCH OF Gxxxxxxx ON IT. THESE BANNERS WOULD BE FITTED ALL ROUND THE BULLDOZER CONSPICIOUSLY SUCH THAT IT WILL LOOK AS PAINTED.THIS IS ONE.

SECONDLY,TO BE TOTALLY FRANK WITH YOU,I AM NOT A PASTOR NEITHER AM I A REVEREND BUT I AM THE THIRD IN COMMAND IN MY CHURCH AND CAN ALWAYS MAKE THE ARRANGEMENTS FOR YOUR OPENING A BRANCH HERE IN NIGERIA THROUGH A REKNOWNED MAN OF GOD.

THIRDLY, THE ISSUE OF MINI BUSES IS IMPERATIVE BECAUSE THE SHRINE IS SITUATED AT MY MATERNAL HOME WHICH IS IN IMO STATE IN NIGERIA WHILE MY CHURCH AND GROUP STAY AT LAGOS STATE WHICH IS ABOUT ONE HR FLIGHT OR 8HRS JOURNEY BY ROAD.SO WE NEED BUSES TO CONVEY PEOPLE [EJA PRAYER WORRIORS] FROM LAGOS TO THE VILLAGE HABOURING THE SHRINE.THE MEN FROM GHANA WERE THOSE WHO REMOVED A DEADLY SHRINE FROM A TRIBE IN NORTHERN NIGERIA WHICH IS PREDOMINANTLY MUSLIMS AND BUILT A CHURCH ON THE FORMER SHRINE.THEY ARE NEEDED AND I FEEL AFTER THE DEMOLITION,YOU CAN COME TO NIGERIA AND NEGOTIATE WITH THE PASTOR I WILL PROVIDE ON HOW TO ESTABLISH THE CHURCH EVEN IF IT IS ON THE SHRINE.

WHEN I SAY PREGNANT WOMEN PASSING THROUGH THE SHRINE,IT DOESN'T REALLY MEAN A WALK ONLY,THEY CAN BE IN THEIR HUSBAND'S CAR WHILE THEY DRIVE PAST IT AND GET THE SPELL.

FATHER O'H,YOU MADE MENTION OF MY SENDING DOWN TO YOU A COPY OF THE HANDBILL AS WELL AS A RECORDED JINGLE CONCERNING THIS. AS YOU CAN SEE,I HAVE NOT MADE ANY YET SINCE MY GRANT HAS NOT BEEN GRANTED BUT IF I CAN GET YOUR MAILING ADDRESS AS WELL AS A LITTLE TOKEN IN THE TUNE OF FIFTY POUNDS,I WILL GET ALL TO YOU VIA UPS WITHIN 5 WORKING DAYS. THIS WILL ALSO ENABLE ME SEND ACCROSS TO YOU THE LIVE PICTURES TAKEN FROM THE SHRINE AS YOU REQUESTED.

FEEL FREE TO ASK MORE QUESTIONS ON AREAS WHICH YOU NEED TO BE CLEARIFIED BECUASE,IT IS NOT JUST EASY TO DOLE OUT 2000 POUNDS WITHOUT THOROUGH VERIFICATION.

ALL MY CHRISTIAN LOVE

BROTHER DONALD





I couldn't be bothered replying to him yesterday, thought I would let him stew for bit, so he mails me again today.

DEAR FATHER O'H,

I WAS EXPECTING YOUR MAIL THIS MORNING.I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM YOU SINCE ON SATURDAY WHEN I LAST WROTE YOU A MAIL,PLEASE GET BACK TO ME SO THAT I WILL KNOW MY STAND ON THE GRANT.

ALL MY CHRISTIAN LOVE

BROTHER DONALD





Doesn't he realise I am busy with church matters on Sundays :), just for that, he will now not get a reply until tomorrow, got another email from the lad this morning, very impatient isn't he.

DEAR FATHER O'H,

I HAVE WRITTEN SEVERAL MAILS TO YOU WITHOUT REPLIES,I HOPE YOU ARE OKAY.

BROTHER DONALD





I replied giving directions on what I require for now, and invented my own church spirit called, Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar, it's a spirited way of saying 419eater :)

Dear Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, sorry for not getting back to you sooner, as you can imagine, Sunday is a very busy day for me with numerous church services to perform, also, Monday was very busy as it was a bank holiday in the UK and I had to perform 2 weddings, a christening and a funeral, hence not being able to contact you sooner.

With regards to your previous email, there really is no need for you to send anything by courier, all I need is scanned images sent as gif images for church records. So please send scans of the handbills and also of the photos of the evil doer's shrine, and the jingle can be sent as a .wav file.

As for the bulldozer, putting banners over it with the name of my church on it is acceptable, although we will need to see the banners in place on the bulldozer prior to giving you your £2000 grant to deal with this evil amongst you.

Do you have any good deities over there in Africa that you could use against the evil one for the time being? Although we are a christian church, some of our original members back in 1922 were pagan priests, and as such we still worship the great guardian spirit whom we pray to, she is the spirit called Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar, in ancient pagan script, Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar is translated as "For One And All" we will pray to her to ask for help in fighting your evil.

Here is the text I would like written on the banners, please write the text clearly and in large letters exactly as it is written below so that it can be clearly seen by everyone there:

The Church of Goodwill In Africa
Bringing The Evil Doer's Of Africa To Justice
Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar Will Destroy The Evil Doer's Of Lagos
All Praise The Great Spirit Of Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar And Her Power Against Evil
Join The Church Of Goodwill Today And Change Your Life For the Better

As soon as you have made the banners with that text on them, attach them to the bulldozer and take some photos from various angles, it would also be good to show the Bishop some photos of you and your friends holding the banners up in your hands so that he can see you are good people, that will speed your grant application up if the Bishop sees that!

My church has a policy of not giving grants until conditions are met, this is because we have been scammed by some Africans before, and as you can imagine, we don't want that too happen again do we!

That is why we ask for things such as photographic evidence and scans of documents etc, because we know only a legitimate person would carry out those tasks, a scammer is only interested in money and will not waste their time doing things like that, you come across as being a good honest man, but I have to abide by church rules, so please send me the scanned images and photos for church records as soon as possible, so as not to delay your grant.

On the subject of our church in Africa, it would be splendid if you could find me a pastor there, I like your idea of building our church on top of the shrine after it is demolished, that is an excellent suggestion. Could you please find out how much it will cost to purchase the land where the shrine is located, so that I can start having plans drawn up by our architect for the new church.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





I got a reply from the lad, he will do as I asked, but he has one objection, and that's the use of the wording, "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar", I shall have to dissuade him from that ;).

DEAR FATHER, I AM VERY HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU ONCE AGAIN, I WILL ADHERE TO YOUR RULES BUT FOR ONE EXCEPTION, MY CHURCH GROUP MIGHT READ OTHER MEANINGS TO THE INSCRIPTION Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar. PLEASE I WOULD LIKE YOU TO CONSIDER THIS MY NOT PUTTING IT IN THE BANNER,BUT OTHER PROTOCOLS WILL BE OBSERVED. no brother, all protocols will be observed

BUT FATHER,I WOULD LIKE YOU TO GIVE ME EVERY ASSURANCE THAT I WILL GET THE GRANT BECAUSE IT WILL BE SO BAD BEFORE THE LORD THAT I WILL USE MY MEAGRE RESOURSES TO PREPARE ALL THESE THINGS FOR THE CHURCH OF Gxxxxxxx AND LATER WILL NOT GET THE GRANT. PLEASE FATHER ASSURE ME AND I WILL GO DO THE BANNERS AS WELL AS THE PHOTOGRAPHS. yeah, yeah, you have my 100% risk free guarantee, nice too see better obedience from you anyway laddy

THEN AS REGARDS THE COST OF THE LAND AFTER DEMOLITION,THE LAND BELONGS TO NOBODY SO WILL BE FREE OF CHARGE AFTER DEMOLITION .SO GO AHEAD AND CONSULT YOUR ARCHITECT ON THE CHURCH BUILDING PLAN.I HAVE ALREADY LAIASED WITH A COMPETENT PASTOR ON YOUR BEHALF,IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO MAIL HIM ,I WILL GIVE YOU HIS EMAIL ADDRESS OR PHONE NUMBER. free, are you mad, I can pay you £50,000 for that land :)

BUT FATHER,PLEASE KINDLY GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER FOR EASIER COMMUNICATION

LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU.

ALL MY CHRISTIAN LOVE

BROTHER DONALD





Lets see if they still have issues with it after my reply.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, nice to hear from you again.

With regards to the name of the guardian spirit to whom we pray called "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar", it is really not an option to have her name left off the banners, and I can see no possible reason why your church would read anything in to the meaning of her name, as I told you before, it simply translates as "For One And All".

She is a powerful guardian spirit of our church along with christ our saviour, and to not have her name on the banners is not an option, it has to be on there to help expel the evil doer you have there, so it is imperetive that her name is on the banner!

On the subject of your grant, I can give you my utmost assurance that just about everyone who applies or a grant gets one, it is fairly straightforward, so I forsee no problems getting your grant for you Brother Donald.

I really am surprised that the land to build our church on is going to be free of charge, that is most excellent news, it means more money can be spent on the actual church building itself, and please feel free to pass my email address to the pastor you have liaised with.

I look forward to getting scans of handbills, a recording of the jingle and the photos of the banners on the bulldozer, and of the shrine, we can then get you grant approval fully under way.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Got a reply from the lad, he will include "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" on the banner after all :).

DEAR FATHER O'H,

OK,I WILL INCLUDE THE INSCRIPTION "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar", PLEASE,ALWAYS PRAY FOR ME THAT GOD IN HIS INFINITE MERCY SHOULD GRANT ME THE STRENGHT TO CARRY OUT ALL THESE TASKS I HAVE IN HAND THIS MATERIAL TIME.

STILL NOT YOUR PHONE NUMBER OR IS IT NOT NECESSARY?

ALL MY CHRISTIAN LOVE

BROTHER DONALD





I just received a photo of a handbill from the lad.

DEAR FATHER,

HERE IS A SAMPLE OF THE HANDBILL,MY EFFORTS TO CONVINCE SOME PHOGRAPHERS TO COVER THE SHRINE WAS ABORTIVE,THE ONLY ONE WHO VENTURED TO HAVE SOME SNAP SHOTS ONLY DEVELOPED BLANK NEGATIVES. is he bullshitting, hmmmmmm

BUT I WON'T GIVE UP,JUST GIVE ME SOME TIME TO PRAY AND I WILL MAKE IT.

ALL MY CHRISTIAN LOVE

BROTHER DONALD

And the Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar handbill :)





Got another email from the lad this morning asking if I got the photo he sent, I replied telling him it looked tacky, I also mentioned about a little cleansing ceremony that my church likes people to do, I replied.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, nice to hear from you again.

Sorry for not replying sooner, I have been very busy with church work.

With regards to the handbill, I find that it looks very tacky, I dare not show it to my Bishop, he would be most disappointed, it's not at all what I was expecting!

I am also shocked to hear that the photos of the shrine came out blank, this suggests the evil doer is quite potent, but I have a way to deal with that for now.

Our guardian spirit "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" is a very strong force, far stronger than the evil deity in the village shrine, "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" was personally blessed by him emminence, Pope John Paul of the Vatican whilst he was on a visit to our church in the UK, her power is beyond anything you have there, and we use her in our cleansing ceremonies when performing exorcisms on haunted houses and against poltergeists, so here is what I would like you to do.

You need to perform the "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" cleansing ceremony, that will protect you and any people who go near the shrine and it will protect the whole village, it will also enable you to take the photos of the shrine.

You will need the following items for the ancient cleansing ceremony of the 12 points:

13 people (they represent the 12 Apostles and Christ)
A tin of white paint
30 large white candles
12 pints of milk (preferably cows milk, but goat milk will suffice)
A large jar of honey
12 buckets of water
Some petrol and matches
12 large fish (represents the fish used in the miracle in the Bible)
12 loaves of bread (represents the bread used in the miracle in the Bible)

DIRECTIONS FOR THE CEREMONY OF THE 12 POINTS:

1) Paint a large 6 pointed star on the ground as close to the shrine as possible (I have sent you images of what the star looks like for you to copy)

2) 1 person needs to stand at each junction of the star lines, 12 people in total (as indicated by the circles on the star image I have sent you).

3) The 13th person plays the part of annointing the other 12 people on the star.

4) On each "outside" point of the star (6 star points) there must be a lighted candle, then each person must hold a lighted candle in each hand (all candles are too be lit by the 13th person).

5) In the centre of the star, use the white paint to write the words "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar", the 12 people on the star must chant those words "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" 12 times during the ceremony. 6) While the 12 people are holding lighted candles, the 13th person shall pour half of the cow or goats milk over the head of each person standing on the star.

7) The 13 person then has to rub honey on the heads and chests of the 12 people standing on the star, after using the honey, use the remaining half of the milk and also pour that over the heads of the 12 people on the star.

8.) Once the milk and honey cleansing has been completed, each of the 12 people on the star has to have a loaf of bread placed on their head by the 13th person.

9) Now each person on the star has to hold a fish in their mouth, the 13th person has to place the "tail" of the fish in each their mouths for them to hold on to, at the same time, they must all hum the words "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" 12 times, if any of the 12 people drop the bread or the fish, then all 12 people must repeat that part again!

10) The ceremony is now almost finished, you now need to take the bread off their heads and place it at their feet so they can stand on the bread.

11) Now take the fish from their mouths and place the fish on their heads, now they must again chant the words "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" 12 times.

12) Finally, the 13th person must remove the fish from each of their 12 heads, they must also put each candle out one at a time starting from the outside points of the star and working inwards to the inner junctions, then pour 1 bucket of water over each of the 12 people on the star for the final cleansing. Now take the candles, paint, bread, fish, honey and milk and place them right in the centre of the star, pour plenty of petrol over them and set fire to them, whilst watching them burn, chant "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" another 12 times, you have now completed the "ceremony of the 12 points".

You are now fully protected from the evil doer and can go as close to the shrine as you like, no harm will come to you as "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" will protect you at all times!

I will require photos showing each of the 12 stages of the ceremony to make sure that it has been done properly, once I have the photographic proof, I can continue with giving you your £2000 grant, I am sure my Bishop will be tingling with anticipation, we will rid the village of the shrine and the evil doer once and for all!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.

I sent him these 2 images to copy, whether he will do it or not I don't know, worth a crack at it anyway






Got a reply from the lad, he wants to know what's wrong with the handbills blah blah blah, well I shall have to tell him not to use every font known to mankind when designing a handbill. He also moans about the 12 point ceremony, forgot to tell him it's a requirement anyway, so he may well tell me to feck off, but I don't care, I'll go for it anyway.

DEAR FATHER,

WHAT ACTUALLY IS WRONG IN THE HANDBILL,YOU WOULDN'T COMPARE OUR LEVEL OF DEVELOPMENT TO THAT OF YOURS OVER THERE,WE ARE STILL BACKWARD.

THEN AS REGARDS,THE 12 POINT EVENT,IT WILL BE EXPENSIVE FOR ME AND MORE TUDIOUS TO CARRY OUT,SINCE THE SCOPE IS TO GET THOSE SHRINE PICTURES,I HAVE ARRANGED WITH OTHER MEMBERS TO PRAY PRIOR TO SNAPPING THE SHRINE AND I WILL GET YOU THE PICTURES SOONEST.

PLEASE PARDON ME BUT ALWAYS REALISE THAT I AM ALSO A HUMAN BEING,WHO HAS A FAMILY TO FEED AND OTHER CHURCH ACTIVITIES.

THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME I AM ASKING FOR YOUR PHONE NUMBER SO THAT WE CAN ALWAYS COMMUNICATE. I DO NOT KNOW WHY YOU ARE AVOIDING THIS.

BEST REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD





I just replied to him, if I lose him, too bad, I will just bait him from a new addy.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email,

Firstly, on the subject of the handbill, I don't expect you to have access to the best tools available to design a spectacular handbill, but you must admit, it does look very poor in it's design, you have used just about every different font known to mankind on it, there is absolutely no need to use that many diffrent fonts on such a document, it just makes it look messy and amateurish, also, the overall design looks like it was made by a small child using an MS Paint program, surely you can do much better than that Brother Donald.

Now about the cleansing ceremony of the 12 points, I understand you have a family to feed and church activities etc, but there really is very little expense involved for you, you simply require some white paint, most people have some used tins of paint in their homes, the candles you can borrow from your church, and bread, fish, milk and honey are very cheap in Africa, I know that as I have been there many times over the years, so the expense to you should be minimal, and in any case, you can claim expenses for that ceremony after your grant appication has been procesed and granted, then you can send me an itemised bill and I will send you the amount that it cost you for materials used.

The actual cleansing ceremony is something we ask all grantees to perform, I just thought that I would ask you to do it at this stage for extra protection from the evil doer, but it is actually a "requirement" of all people applying for a grant to undertake the cleansing ceremony prior to getting their grants.

I can give you my mobile phone number, but I am 75% deaf in both ears and only use my phone for receiving SMS text messages, this is beacuse when I was on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem back in 1982, I was caught in the blast of a suicide bombers explosion which burst my ear drums as I was quite close to the bombers explosion, I have been practically deaf since then, so whilst you can phone me, I will not be able to hear a word you are saying, I do all of my work via email now because of that and I check my emils many times a day, apart from Sundays, which as you can imagine is a busy day in church for me, so this is the easiest form of communication for me Brother.

I had an email from my Bishop today, he would like to thank you for finding a Pastor for us in Nigeria, and also for helping to build our new church on the land where the shrine is located, he send his best regards to you all over there.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Well how dare he tell me my 12 point cleansing ceremony is bizarre and ungodly GRRRRRRR, at least he accepts my burst ear drums excuse for not phoning. At the risk of losing him, I am going to be very offended by him saying what he said about my cleansing ceremony, and that I can not help him any further as he has angered me blah blah blah.

DEAR FATHER,

I AM VERY SORRY FOR THE EAR MISHAP IN 1982,PLEASE ALSO EXTEND MY REGARDS TO THE BISHOP.

PLEASE FATHER,MY CHURCH GROUP ARE FINDING THE EXCERCISE BIZARRE AND UNGODLY,I HAVE TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,PLEASE WHY CAN'T WE PROCEED WITH THE OTHER STEPS ,WE REALLY NEED THIS GRANT AND I WOULD TAKE AN OATH [THOUGH WRONG] IF NEEDED TO PROVE TO YOU THAT THE GRANT WILL BE SPENT WISELY.

I WOULD BE HIGHLY APPRECIATIVE IF YOU CAN SHOW THE BISHOP THIS MAIL FOR CONSIDERATION AND ALSO WILL ASK YOU TO PRAY TO GOD TO REVEAL TO YOU IF ACTUALLY I AM GENUINE,GOD WILL ALWAYS DIRECT YOU. PLEASE FATHER,CONSIDER THIS AND GET BACK TO ME. I ASSURE YOU THAT EVERY OTHER THINGS YOU NEED FROM MY CONGREGATION WILL BE GRANTED YOU IF WE GET THIS GRANT.

ALL MY CHRISTIAN LOVE

BROTHER DONALD





I have replied to him, I wasn't too harsh, he can either do the ceremony or forget it.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

I really do take offence at you saying the 12 point cleansing ceremony is "bizarre and ungodly", did I not tell you that the our guardian spirit "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" was blessed by his emminence, Pope John Paul of the Vatican, you must know who the Pope is, do you think he would have blessed her if she was ungodly?

I am absolutely horrified and outraged that you used the word ungodly to describe one of our guardian spirits, I am also very angry about it, it takes a lot to anger me, but you have really annoyed me with your words, I suggest you apologise immediately, I dare not tell my Bishop about this, as I know he would phone the Vatican and ask that your church and priests be excommunicated from the church!!!

You asked me to show your email to my Bishop, but for the reason stated above, I can not show it to him, it would mean and end to your grant application for certain. If you feel you cannot do the cleansing ceremony of the 12 points, then I am afraid there is no way I can carry on with your grant application, as I mentioned previously, it is a requirement of all people applying for a grant to carry out the cleansing ceremony.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





The lad has apologised, he showed my email to his church members and they have agreed to carry on with the ceremony.

DEAR FATHER,

TO ERR IS HUMAN BUT TO FORGIVE IS DEVINE,I AM VERY,VERY VERY SORRY. PLEASE FIND IT SOME WHERE IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE US,I SHOWED MY MEMBERS THIS MAIL AND THEY UNDERSTOOD YOU AND WE WISH TO CARRY ON WITH IT.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU HAVE FORGIVEN US.

BEST REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD





See, it's handy having the Pope on my side and the threat of excommnunication of his priests and church :), I replied.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your apology, in my mind, you are forgiven. I trust now that you can continue with the 12 point cleansing ceremony, and then we can carry on as per normal with your application.

I will not make any mention of this to my Bishop as I see no point in incurring his anger over it!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





I have received a strange email from the fetish lad, talking about killings, machette attacks, riots etc, not heard from him since 10 days ago on June 9th, now this, bullshit or true hmmmm, bear in mind he is a lad and no photos were attached of the bulldozers or of the cleansing ceremony, vivid imagination?.

DEAR FATHER O'H,

I AM HIGHLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU FOR A MAN OF YOUR CALIBRE IN THE SOCIETY TO FORSAKE ME AT THIS POINT,YOU HAVE NOT HEARD FROM ME OVER A WEEK NOW AND YOU DIDN'T BOTHER TO MAIL ME AND ASK OF MY FATE IN WHAT WE WENT TO DO [CLEANSING].

I KNOW YOU DO NOT MAKE CALLS BECAUSE OF YOUR HEARING PROBLEMS BUT AT LEAST SINCE I GAVE YOU MY PHONE NUMBER,YOU WOULD ATLEAST SEND ME AN SMS BECAUSE IT IS A GSM LINE.

HEAR WHAT HAPPENED TO US;

AS WE EMBARKED ON THE CLEANSING EXCERCISE AS YOU DIRECTED IN THE FRONT OF THE EVIL DEITY'S SHRINE,WE NEVER KNEW THAT THE CHIEF PRIEST OF THE SHRINE AS WELL AS HIS COHORTS HAD PREMONITIONS ABOUT OUR OPERATIONS AND INTERCEPTED THE CLEANSING EXCERCISE WHILE THE 13TH MEMBER WAS ABOUT LIGHTING THE FIRST CANDLE,WE STARTED SHOUTING "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" AND ONE OF OUR MEMBERS WHO WAS NOT IN THE 13 GROUP BUT WAS OUTSIDE POINTED HIS CRUSIFIX AT THE CHIEF PRIEST AND SUDDENLY THE EVIL MAM BECAME EPILEPTIC AND STARTED FOAMING FROM HIS MOUTH AND RIGHT NOW HE HAS DEVELOPED A PARTIAL STROKE AND THIS MADE HIS COHORTS TO INFLICT HEAVY MATCHET CUTS ON OUR MEMBERS AND UNFORTUNATELY ONE OF OUR FEMALE MEMBER DIED ON THE SPOT.

THIS OBSCURE AND RANCOUR ATTRACTED THE POLICE WHICH BUNDLED WE UNINJURED TO THE CELL WHILE THE CORPSE AND THE INJURED WERE RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL.

I WAS JUST GRANTED BAIL THIS MORNING AND I DECIDED AFTER TAKING A GOOD SHOWER TO CHECK MY MAIL IN ANTICIPATION THAT YOU MUST HAVE BEEN WORRIED OVER ME BUT NOT. MY CHURCH MEMBERS WHO CAME TO OUR RESCUE HAVE BEEN ASKING ME IF MY DIRECTOR BEING YOU IS AWARE OF THE MISHAP BUT I SAID NO SINCE I COULD GET FREEDOM AND ACCESS TO EMAIL.

BUT TO GOD BE THE GLORY THAT EVERY DISAPPOINTMENT IS A BLESSING .

THE YOUTHS OF THE COMMUNITY IN OUR SUPPORT WENT ON A RAMPAGE TO THE STATE GOVERNMENT ON THE ISSUE AGAINST THE DEITY AND THREATENED A RIOT IF THE SHRINE WAS NOT DEMOLISHED CONSIDERING WHAT THEY DID TO US [MESSENGERS OF GOD]AND THIS PROMPTED THE DISPATCH OF THREE BULLDOZERS BY THE GOVERNMENT TO DESTROY THE SHRINE WHILE WE WERE STILL IN DETENTION BUT FORTUNATELY,THE YOUTHS WHO WERE IN POSSASSION OF THE BANNERS WE MADE TIED THEM ON ONLY ONE OF THE BULLDOZERS.

FOR NOW THE SHRINE HAS BEEN DEMOLISHED AS PLANNED BUT WE LOST A MEMBER AS WELL AS GOT INJURED.

LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU.

REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD





I have replied to his email urging him to get the ceremony done.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I must say I am quite shocked at the things you say have happened.

Firstly Donald, I never told you to perform the cleansing ceremony of the 12 points right in front of the shrine, I only said to go *as close to the shrine as possible*, not right in front of it, you could have done it a mile away from the shrine, it only needed to be in the general vicinity of the shrine, also, this ceremony was to have been done before you even went there, the ceremony was to protect you from the evil doer when you went to the shrine.

I am not sure why you would think that I wanted you to do something as dangerous as actually performing it right outside the shrine, surely you must have known doing the ceremony that close would cause serious trouble!

I am very sorry to hear people have been injured and worse, but please try to look on the bright side, they have given their lives as Christ did in striving for a better world. Please pass on my condolences to all of them, I shall perform mass this evening for them all.

I am quite shocked by the way you have written to me, suggesting that I do not care about you, nothing could be further from the truth, when I had not heard from you for a few days, I assumed you had changed your mind and didn't want to do the cleansing ceremony after all, so I had no need to contact you. If I had known you were in trouble I would have done anything to help you.

You mention that the banners were only on one of the bulldozers, that is a shame, I have on many occasions in the past known evil doers to carry on despite their shrines being demolished, I also know of people who were stricken down by the evil doer after they thought it had been banished.

Brother Donald, I emplore you to urgently perform the full cleansing ceremony again to protect everyone in the village against it causing more destruction to you all, the full ceremony must be completed as soon as possible. As the last ceremony was interrupted during the cleansing process, this is also very dangerous, as it means the spirit of "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" is now left in a state of limbo.

Please for your own good, complete the ceremony quickly so that the spirit of "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" can be released from limbo, please take clear photos of each stage of the ceremony so that I can see that is has been carried out correctly, and also go over the ground where the shrine was with banners on all of the bulldozers, this will also protect you as the banners have sacred words upon them and "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" was blesed by his emminence the Pope.

One the ceremony and the bulldozing have been done and photographed, we can then concentrate on getting our church built on the land where the shrine was located, I assume that we will get full planning permission to start construction as soon as possible?

What size area does the land where the shrine was located measure, I will need to instruct our architect about the measurements?

Please keep me updated on developments there.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





A reply and a request for financial help for the dead and wounded :), he does seem a bit worried about "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" being in limbo, more likely false worry as he probably never did the ceremony in the first place, he must do the cleansing right away.

DEAR FATHER O'H,

I AM HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN,THIS IS A RELIEF TO ME.

IN THE OTHER HAND,I AM VERY SCARED OF THE FACT THAT "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" IS KEPT AT LIMBO,WILL IT CAUSE ANY HARM? WE MUST FINISH UP THE CLEANSING IMMIDIATELY. yep, it will cause harm if not freed from limbo by cleansing immediately:)

THE LAND SIZE OF THE SHRINE IS ABOUT 500 METERS IN LENGHT BY ABOUT 210METERS WIDTH,THIS IS AN APPROXIMATION BECAUSE IT HAS NOT BEEN SURVEYED.

PLEASE FATHER,I AM ASKING THIS FROM YOU AS A MAN OF GOD,KINDLY ASSIST US FINANCIALLY TO TAKE CARE OF THE INJURED ONES IN THE HOSPITAL AS WELL AS THE DEAD SISTER IN THE MORGUE.NO MATTER HOW LITTLE,WE WILL HIGHLY APPRECIATE IT AND GOD ALMIGHTY WILL ALWAYS BLESS YOU AS USUALLY. I HOPE YOU ARE NOT EMBARRASSED AT THIS BUT WE ARE IN NEED. I will see what I can do, but.......

LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU.

BEST REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD





I have replied to his email above that he sent today, hopefully this will put the wind up him a bit with his lies :)

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, firstly, let me stress how very important it is for you to complete the cleansing ceremony, as I told you, the spirit of "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" is now in limbo due to the cleansing ceremony being interrupted when you performed it.

There have been other occasions where this has happened, and the spirit of "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" due to it's limbo state caused terrible things to happen, as you know from my previous emails, she was originally a pagan deity brought to our church by some of our priests many years ago, and we adopted her as our guardian spirit. Although she is blessed by his emminence the Pope, she still has ancient pagan traits, she was used in rituals some 2000 years ago, she was discovered in an archaeological dig in 1905, she had been buried for the last 2000 years, all other artifacts around her in the ground had perished over time, but not "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar", she was still in pristine condition and untouched by time, she was donated to one of our priests a few years after that and became out guardian spirit.

The problem for you comes from her being in limbo, even taking her name in vein can cause terrible problems, there was a group in Kenya about 20 years ago who said they had done the cleansing ceremony for my church, I later found out that they were only saying they had done it to save money and had not actually completed it, but this caused "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" to reverses her ancient powers of good to evil, for she was used in ancient times as a truth sayer and she detests liars who use her for their own good, we later found out that many people in the Kenyan village had died in mysterious circumstances or ghastly accidents, this was attrributed to the spirit of "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar", at that point, the village people dressed in their costume clothes and performed the full cleansing ceremony, no sooner had they finished it, then things in the village returned to normal and there were no more deaths, please do not underestimate the power of "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar", she has great power to do good, but if used in lies or in vein, she turns her powers on to those who are just using her for their own good.

I emplore you to carry out the cleansing ceremony without any delay, make sure you take clear photos of every stage of the ceremony for me to make sure everything has been done correctly, I would hate for anything worse than has already happened to occur!

Thank you for the apporoximate measurements of the land where our church is to be built, I have passed the details to the architect and he informs me that the size is more than enough for the builings needs.

On the subject of helping with the wounded and the dead, I will of course be happy to help with paying for any medical fees, and will also take care of any expenses relating to the burial of the poor woman who lost her life, and I will also be able to make payments to the dead womans family if she was one of the main money earners in the family.

But as I have stated previously, the cleansing ceremony has to be performed by all people applying for a church grants, we are not allowed to give any financial aid under any circumstances until will see full photographic proof of the ceremony being carried out correctly, once you have done that, I have free will to give you whatever financial aid that you require for the dead and wounded, please get back to me as soon as you have performed the ceremony and have the photos to send to me via email.

May the Lord have mercy on you and your fellow villagers in your time of need!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Another reply from the lad begging for £200.

DEAR FATHER,

I KNOW THAT YOUR CHURCH WILL GET ME THE GRANT LATER,ALL I AM BEGGING IS IF YOU CAN HELP US WITH ABOUT 200 POUNDS FROM YOUR PERSONAL MONEY AND WHEN WE GET THE GRANT WE PAY YOU BACK. MOST OF THE INJURED ARE POOR AND LESS PRIVILEGED,PLEASE CONSIDER THIS WITH THE SPIRIT OF GOD.

SINCE YOU ARE A MAN OF GOD,I SUGGEST YOU ASK GOD IN YOUR OWN WAY IF I AM GENUINE OR NOT,IF GOD ANSWERS YOU AND SAY THAT I AM NOT,THEN DON'T GIVE US EVEN THE GRANT.

WE ARE IN A FIX,PLEASE HELP.YOU NEED TO SEE THEIR FACES.

BEST REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD





I sent a short reply, this bait might not last much longer, if he tells me to forget it, then I will just have to have him fill some forms in in order to get a small donation for now.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, there is not much I can do to help you with my personal money, all I receive from my church in return for my work, is my rent free home in the vicarage, and I get all of my meals paid for whilst I work for the church, I do not get any wages because I took a vow of poverty when I joined the church many years ago, the only people in our church who earn wages are our overseas church workers.

I am afraid there is nothing I can send you until you have performed the cleansing ceremony in order to get your £2000 grant, and as stated earlier, I will then be able to make arrangements to send additional financial aid for the wounded and dead there, please let me know when you have carried out the full cleansing ceremony and attach the photos.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Well the lad accepted what I told him about not having any wages due to my vow of poverty, and says he will do the ceremony.

DEAR FATHER O'H,

IF THAT BE THE CASE,WE MUST CARRY OUT THE CLEANSING EXCERCISE BUT I HOPE IF PROPERLY CARRIED OUT,NO OTHER THING WILL STOP THE GRANT.YOU KNOW THAT WE ARE LN A FIX RIGHT NOW AND SOME OF MY GROUP MEMBERS ARE AFRAID TO CARRY ON,BUT I DO NOT GIVE UP,I MUST RE-ENCOURAGE THE FIT ONES.

BEST REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD





I replied

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I can assure you that once the cleansing ceremony is fully completed, you will be well on your way to receiving your grant as quickly as possible!

Please remember to take photos of "every" stage of the ceremony so that I can submit those photos to my Bishop to show him it has been fully completed, and also to make sure it has been carried out correctly. Sorry this is just a short email, I am very busy in the church today as I have a marriage ceremony to perform shortly, but I stepped out for a moment to reply to you.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Received a short email from the lad.

DEAR FATHER O'H,

PLEASE I TRAVELLED TO UP NORTH TO RAISE SOME MONEY FOR THOSE PATIENTS,I WILL GET BACK TO YOU NEXT WEEK ASSOON AS WE COMPLETE THE CLEANSING PROCESS.

REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD





So fingers crossed, next week we should have photos of each stage of the cleansing ceremony with the candles, bread, fish, honey, goats milk and petrol, unless dumbass decides to ask again for some money to help out with cameras and stuff.

I sent him a short reply.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, how wonderful to hear from you again, I trust you had a pleasent journey up north.

I hope the injured patients are bearing up well after the trouble they had, the prayers of everyone in my church is with them, I conducted a mass for them and for the dearly departed sister, may she rest in peace!

I look forward to receiving the photos of the cleansing ceremony next week, and then it should be plain sailing to get your grant, and also the additional money to take care of the injured and the funeral fees for the departed sister, may the Lord have mercy on her soul!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





It is now July 5th and I have not heard from this lad since June 24th, when he said he was travelling up north and would get back to me in a weeks time, so I mailed him last night for an update.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

How are you keeping, well I hope?

I have not heard from you since June 24th when you said you were going up north, and that you would be getting back to me within a week after finishing the cleansing process, but I have not heard anything from you since, do you have an update on what is happening with the cleansing ceremony?

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Excellent, he has replied this morning, he always seems to get himself in to trouble doesn't he.

DEAR FATHER,

PLEASE BEAR WITH ME FOR A WHILE,AS I CAME BACK FROM THE NORTH,I MET ANOTHER PROBLEM AS THE ELDER BROTHER TO THE SISTER THAT DIED GOT ME ARRESTED FOR HER DEATH,HE IS NOT A BORN AGAIN AND WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND BUT I KNOW GOD WILL SEE ME THROUGH.MY CHURCH BAILED ME YESTERDAY BUT WITH THE AGREEMENT THAT I WILL BE AVAILABLE TO THE POLICE WHENEVER NECESSARY.THOUGH HER FAMILY IS DEMANDING FOR COMPENSATION OF ABOUT 3,000 POUNDS,THE POLICE IS TRYING TO BROKER PEACE AND ASKING US TO COME UP WITH 1,500 POUNDS TO END THE MATTER.

THIS IS THE SITUATION FOR NOW.

I WISH YOU CAN TELL THEBISHOP ABOUT THIS,MOREOVER WE WILL DO THE CLEANSING SOONEST.

ALL MY CHRISTIAN LOVE

BROTHER DONALD





I have replied with.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I am shocked to hear you have yet again ran in to trouble over the death of your fellow village woman, I really wish there was some way I could help you at the time, but as you know, my church has strict rules about making payments too people who have not carried out the required cleansing ceremony prior to payments being made.

Whilst we cannot make a payment to you at this stage, I will remind you that my church is ready to accept part liability for the death of the woman, so upon us receiving the photos of you completing each stage of the cleansing ceremony, I am at liberty to make special payments to you to cover the cost of her funeral, and also, to make a compensation payments to her family in the sum of £3000 that you mentioned, I have talked to my Bishop about that and he is in full agreement that we can pay the whole £3000 too the victims family!

It is of utmost importance that you complete the ceremony as soon as possible, so as to speed up the payments we shall make to you and the victims family.

One other thing, could you please supply us with a scanned copy of the dead womans death certificate for our church records.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





The lad replies with a short email.

DEAR FATHER,

THANKS FOR YOUR CONCERNS,I WILL MAKE AVAILABLE THE SCANNED DEATH CERTIFICATE OF THE WOMAN AS SOON AS WE SETTLE WITH HER FAMILY.I DO NOT THINK THEY WILL LISTEN TO ME AT THIS POINT BUT MAY BE LATTER.

BEST REGARDS

BRO DONALD





The lad has just got back to me with some good news about the cleansing ceremony:).

DEAR FATHER,

WE JUST CONCLUDED THE CLEANSING EXCERSICE AND HAVE SENT THE PICTURES FOR DEVELOPMENT IN THE STUDIO,I PRAY THAT BY TOMMORROW YOU WILL GET THE SCANNED.

YOURS IN CHRIST

BRO DONALD





I replied asking how many photos he took, if he has done it correctly, there should be a photo of each stage, should be about 12 photos in total I hope, but you know what lads are like for following instructions, so I don't know what to expect.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I trust that you took photos of every stage of the ceremony, how many photos are there in total? I look forward to receiving the scanned images tomorrow to make sure it has all been done correctly!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Just received this email and 7 images from the lad, it looks like he will be getting a slap for shoddy work, totally unacceptable photos, nice seing them all with bread on their heads, but I expected to see them all with fish in their mouth, not just one of them and all standing on the loaves etc etc, these will do for now, will try to get him to do them again :).

DEAR FATHER, THESE ARE THE PICTURES REPRENTING EVERY STAGE. AS YOU CAN SEE,THE SOIL IS DAMP AND AS A RESULT,THE STAR PAINTING IS A LITTLE FAINTY,BUT ALL OTHER PROTOCOLS WERE OBSERVED. like fuck the protocols were observed, fooooool GRRRRRR

LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU.

BROTHER DONALD


The photos he sent of the cleansing ceremony :):

I like the guy pointing in this photo, his face looks like he is saying, why the fuck are we burning the food LOL :)







I got a short email from the lad this morning.

DEAR FATHER,

I HOPE YOU GOT THOSE PICS,I WAS EXPECTING TO HEAR FROM YOU YESTERDAY AS WELL AS TODAY.

BEST REGARDS

BRO DONALD





I replied telling him the ceremony was a failure, I wonder what he will say to that :)

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, sorry for not replying sooner, I was having problems with Hotmail yesterday and I could not log in to my email account.

I have to say I am very disappointed with the cleansing ceremony photos, I dare not show the photos to my Bishop for his approval, as I know he would tell me not to give you the grant based on them, and I do want to give you the grant, so it is best if you rectify the problems as soon as possible. There are several reasons why the ceremony was not done correctly.

1. The star you painted on the ground is hardly visible, you have painted it on to lumpy clumps of grass and leaves, you should have cleared and levelled a large patch of ground so that the ground was flattened mud, which means the star could be seen clearly.

2. The star is far too small, the people standing on the star are to close together, they need to be further apart on a larger star.

3. One of the women on the star is wearing a dress, no dresses are allowed to be worn during the cleansing process, it is absolutely forbidden.

4. You were instructed to rub honey on to the bare chests of all the 12 people on the star, you have not shown any photos of that stage at all. All of the people are wearing shirts or tops, the ceremony should be performed topless so that we can see the honey on their bare chests.

5. we need to see photos of each person having the milk poured over them, each person having the honey rubbed on their chests.

6. The fish you used were far to small, you can hardly see them, they look like small sardines from a tin, large fish at least 12 inches long are to be used. Also, in the photos, not every person has a fish in their mouth, we need to see each person holding a fish in their mouth.

7. Some of the women are wearing headwear, no person on the star is allowed to wear anything on their head,otherwise the milk and water is not going directly on to their heads, you have only shown one person having water poured over them, we need to see each individual having water poured over them.

8. I can only see 1 person standing on a loaf of bread, we need to see photos over every person on the star standing on the bread.

9. You only show the fire at the end, we need to see photos of the items being put on the fire, and also we need to see photos of petrol being poured on them and the fire being lighted.

Please perform the cleansing ceremony again and send me all of the new photos, there is no way I can show these very poor photos to my Bishop, he will be very angry!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Laddy is not very happy with the way I am treating him :).

DEAR FATHER,

I AM NOT HAPPY AS TO THE WAY YOU ARE TREATING MY CASE.IN YOUR INSTRUCTIONS,YOU NEVER MADE MENTION OF NOT WEARING ANY DRESS OR SHIRTS.DO YOU EXPECT THE WOMEN TO EXPOSE THEIR BREASTS.I CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND YOU. THIS ISSUE IS BECOMING TOO DIFFICULT FOR US,CAN'T YOU SEND SOMEBODY DOWN HERE TO HELP US DO THE CLEANSING PROPERLY?

BROTHER DONALD





Yeah, I will send someone all the way to Nigeria to show you how to do it, what a twat, I replied

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, it is very obvious to anyone doing the cleansing ceremony, that when they are required to rub honey in to their chests, they must do it without a shirt on, otherwise, how are you to be cleansed properly with clothing in the way, I didn't mention to you to remove the shirts, because I would have thought it was obvious to anyone to remove the shirts shirts prior to rubbing the honey on to the chest, in any case, you sent no photos of honey being rubbed on chests, either with or without a shirt, so the ceremony was not completed properly because of that on it's own, without all the other errors!

As for the women exposing their breasts, bare breasts are very common in Africa, there is nothing wrong in Gods eyes about seeing naked flesh, we are all born naked, it is very natural.

The ceremony is very simple, I have given you written details which are simple to follow, yet you still made many errors doing it, please follow the instructions carefully and complete the process again, this time, please remember to show photos of each person as detaild in my last email.

Do you honetly expect me to send someone thousands of miles to show you what to do? I have never heard anything so proposterous in my life, you have full written instructions, please read them carefully and get back to me when you have properly completed the ceremony again.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





He has replied begging for money , he's tired and broke, awwwwwww, probably wont get any more photos from this lad, so will try another angle soon.

DEAR FATHER,

I UNDERSTAND YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY INCOME,EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU COMES FROM THE CHURCH BUT PLEASE ACCEPT THIS REQUEST IN THE NAME OF CHRIST JESUS.

YOU WOULDN'T ASK YOUR CHURCH,NO! PLEASE JUST HELP US EVEN IF IT MEANS YOUR ASKING ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS OR RELATIVES TO DO YOU A LITTLE FAVOUR ON OUR BEHALF.I DO NOT WANT THE SPIRIT OF FORN EIN UN EITER TO REMAIN IN LIMBO. this idiot is getting a slap for spelling the name of the spirit of Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar wrong

JUST DO SOMETHING.NO MATTER HOW LITTLE AND I PROMISE WE WILL CARRY OUT THE EXCERCISE CORRECTLY THIS TIME.

BEST WISHES FROM YOUR TIRED AND BROKE BROTHER I love that sentence :)

DONALD





I have replied to him, I hope he is superstitious and cherishes his genitals :)

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, as you are aware, I get no personal wages from my church, I have never borrowed any money from anyone in my entire life, also, I am not permitted to borrow money from anyone, that is a rule of my church that cannot be broken.

In any case, I really do fail to see why you need money to complete the ceremony again, you have many members in your congregation, and I am sure that if you have a collection, all of your members will contribute to the items you need to purchase for the ceremony, it is not a difficult thing to do with so manywilling members.

On another note, I am most angry with you, not only have you left the spirit of Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar in limbo, but you have also spelt her name wrong, you wrote it as FORN EIN UN EITER, how could you make such a terrible mistake, you must be incredibly stupid to make such a mistake, a small child would never have written it like that, you are supposed to be a man, yet you make the mistake of an illiterate child smaller than a small child which can write properly, are you deliberately trying to invoke bad spirits upon yourself, if you do not carry out the cleansing ceremony very soon, all manner of bad things will surely happen to you, I am sure you remember me telling you about the death and mayhem last time she was left in limbo, please rectify the situation urgently, I remember a man from South Africa who once spelt her name wrong and carried out the cleansing ceremony incorrectly, and because of those mistakes, his genitals vanished completely, I would hate the same thing to happen to you!!!

I have spoken to my Bishop again about the compensation for the dead woman and her funeral, the Bishop has agreed to pay the family of the deceased woman an out of court settlement of £10,000, and a further £5000 to cover her hospital bills and burial costs, so in total, you are approved for a payment of £17,000 in total including your £2000 grant, as soon as I have received the second lot of the cleansing ceremony photos, I will start the payment transfer procedure.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





It's now July 24th and I have not heard from the lad since I sent my email to him on July 15th, where I mentioned about his genitals possibly going missing due to him getting the name of Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar wrong, and that spirit now being in limbo, I guess he wants to keep his genitals, because he has now replied promising to do the cleansing ceremony again :)

DEAR FATHER,

I AM VERY SORRY TO HAVE SPELT Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar WRONGLY,I HAVE ALSO PRAYED TO THE GOD OF ABRAHAM,ISAAC AND JACOB,TO CHRIST JESUS TO GUIDE AND PROTECT ME AND ALSO FORGIVE ME FOR WHICH EVER WAY I HAVE ERRED.

THIS I BELIEVE GOD FORGIVES ACCORDING TO THE SCRIPTURES.

FATHER O'H,PLEASE ALSO FORGIVE ME AND TELL THE BISHOP THAT WE ARE TOTALLY COMMITTED AND THAT I HAVE GOTTEN FULL ASSURANCE OF THE DEMOLISHED SHRINE LAND FOR THE BUILDING OF YOUR CHURCH HERE.

I PROMISE TO REPEAT THE CLEANSING EXCERCISE.

BEST REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD





I have replied with

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, it is very nice to hear from you again.

I have forgiven you for spelling Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar incorrectly, but I do not think the spirit has forgiven you for your mistakes, I even had to have an African shamen based in the UK visit us and give advice after we experienced some problems of our own due to your mistakes, he threw bones and other objects on the ground and he said the omens were very bad for you whilst Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar was still in limbo, the shamen has asked me to urge you to complete the cleansing ceremony as quickly as possible.

I am very happy to hear that the shrine land is ready for the building of the new church, the sooner you get the cleansing process completed and release the spirit of Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar, the better for all concerned it will be.

Please remember that when you send the photos of the second ceremony, that you send individual photos of each person during each stage of the ceremony, such as having milk poured on them, the same with the honey being rubbed on them and the "large" fish in each persons mouth, same thing with the water being poured over them, we need to see photos of each indicidual being cleansed!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





I had not heard from his since his last email on July 24th, It's now August 2nd and I received this from him today.

DEAR FATHER,

PLEASE I AM SORRY FOR THE LONG PAUSE,THE FAMILY OF THE DECEASED LADY GOT ME BACK INTO POLICE CUSTODY AND AFTER MUCH PLEA-BARGAINING BY MY LAWYER WHO IS ALSO OUR CHURCH MEMBER,I WAS RELEASED ON THE GROUND THAT THEY WILL BE COMPENSATED OUT OF COURT SETTLEMENT.

I SHOWED THEM A COPY OF THE MAIL YOU SENT TO ME REGARDING YOUR BISHOP'S PROMISES TO THE DECEASED FAMILY.THAT HELPED ME ALOT.

BUT FATHER,PLEASE WE ARE READY FOR THE CLEANSING TO RELEASE Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar FROM LIMBO.

PLEASE KINDLY OUT LINE ONCE AGAIN ALL THE TWELVE STAGES CAREFULLY AND ALL THE MATERIALS REQUIRED SO THAT WE WON'T MAKE ANY MISTAKES THIS TIME AND AS WELL AS HOW TO GO ABOUT IT.

MAY ALMIGHTY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU....AMEN

BEST WISHES FROM

BROTHER DONALD





Ok, so we get to do it all again , I have replied detailing the cleansing ceremony again

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, it is very nice to hear from you again after so long, I was very worried about you due to the spirit still being in limbo, I am glad you were able to show the police my email to get you out of trouble.

Here are the full details again on how to perform the cleansing ceremony, also see the CLEANSING CEREMONY NOTES at the bottom for absolute clarification of the ceremony:

THE CLEANSING CEREMONY

To perform the ancient "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" cleansing ceremony of the 12 points, you will need the following items:

13 people (they represent the 12 Apostles and Christ)
A tin of white paint
30 large white candles
12 pints of milk (preferably cows milk, but goat milk will suffice)
A large jar of honey
12 buckets of water
Some petrol and matches
12 large fish (represents the fish used in the miracle in the Bible)
12 loaves of bread (represents the bread used in the miracle in the Bible)

DIRECTIONS FOR THE CEREMONY OF THE 12 POINTS:

1) Paint a large 6 pointed star on the ground as close to the shrine as possible (I have sent you images of what the star looks like for you to copy)

2) 1 person needs to stand at each junction of the star lines, 12 people in total (as indicated by the circles on the star image I have sent you).

3) The 13th person plays the part of annointing the other 12 people on the star.

4) On each "outside" point of the star (6 star points) there must be a lighted candle, then each person must hold a lighted candle in each hand (all candles are too be lit by the 13th person).

5) In the centre of the star, use the white paint to write the words "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar", the 12 people on the star must chant those words "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" 12 times during the ceremony.

6) While the 12 people are holding lighted candles, the 13th person shall pour half of the cow or goats milk over the head of each person standing on the star.

7) The 13 person then has to rub honey on the heads and chests of the 12 people standing on the star, after using the honey, use the remaining half of the milk and also pour that over the heads of the 12 people on the star.

8.) Once the milk and honey cleansing has been completed, each of the 12 people on the star has to have a loaf of bread placed on their head by the 13th person.

9) Now each person on the star has to hold a fish in their mouth, the 13th person has to place the "tail" of the fish in each their mouths for them to hold on to, at the same time, they must all hum the words "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" 12 times, if any of the 12 people drop the bread or the fish, then all 12 people must repeat that part again!

10) The ceremony is now almost finished, you now need to take the bread off their heads and place it at their feet so they can stand on the bread.

11) Now take the fish from their mouths and place the fish on their heads, now they must again chant the words "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" 12 times.

12) Finally, the 13th person must remove the fish from each of their 12 heads, they must also put each candle out one at a time starting from the outside points of the star and working inwards to the inner junctions, then pour 1 bucket of water over each of the 12 people on the star for the final cleansing. Now take the candles, paint, bread, fish, honey and milk and place them right in the centre of the star, pour plenty of petrol over them and set fire to them, whilst watching them burn, chant "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" another 12 times, you have now completed the "ceremony of the 12 points".

I will require photos showing each of the 12 stages of the ceremony to make sure that it has been done properly, once I have the photographic proof, I can continue with giving you your £2000 grant

CLEANSING CEREMONY NOTES:

1. The star you painted on the ground before was hardly visible, you painted it on to lumpy clumps of grass and leaves, you must clear and level a large patch of ground so that the ground is flattened mud, which means the painted star can be seen clearly.

2. The star needs to be much larger than last time, also, the people standing on the star were to close together, they need to be further apart on a larger star.

3. For the women, no dresses are allowed to be worn during the cleansing process, it is absolutely forbidden.

4. You have to rub honey on to the bare chests of all the 12 people on the star, you did not shown any photos of that stage at all last time. All of the people were wearing shirts or tops, the ceremony should be performed "topless" so that we can see the honey being rubbed on to their bare chests.

5. We need to see photos of each person having the milk poured over their heads, and a photo of each person having the honey rubbed on their heads and chests. The same with each stage, individual photos os each person must be taken during the ceremony!

6. The fish you used were far to small, you can hardly see them, they look like small sardines from a tin, large fish at least 12 inches long are to be used. Also, in the photos, not every person has a fish in their mouth, we need to see each person holding a fish in their mouth.

7. Some of the women were wearing headwear, no person on the star is allowed to wear anything on their head, otherwise the milk and water is not going directly on to their heads, you have only shown one person having water poured over them, we need to see photos of each individual having water poured over them.

8. I can only see 1 person standing on a loaf of bread, we need to see photos over every person on the star standing on their loaf of bread.

9. You only show the fire at the end, we need to see photos of the items being put on the fire, and also we need to see photos of petrol being poured on them and the fire being lighted.

10. In summary, take a photo of each person having honey rubbed on their head and chest, take a photo of each person having milk poured over them, take a photo of each person having the water poured over them in the final cleansing. Take clear photos of every stage of the ceremony, otherwise the spirit of Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar will remain in limbo and will cause you serious problems with things like missing genitals and worse for all involved in both of the ceremonies.

Something else I need to mention, quite a while ago I asked you to make a banner which was supposed to be on the bulldozer, you said you had made the banner, but as yet, I have not seen it.

After the cleansing ceremony has ended, please have all of the people involved in the ceremony standing together holding the banner, it is the banner with these words written on it, please write them exactly as they are written:

The Church of Goodwill In Africa
Bringing The Evil Doer's Of Africa To Justice
Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar Will Destroy The Evil Doer's Of Lagos
All Praise The Great Spirit Of Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar And Her Power Against Evil
Join The Church Of Goodwill Today And Change Your Life For the Better

Praising the spirit of Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar with the banner will also go a long way to releasing it from limbo and this banner is a requirement of my church!!!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Well he says he has completed the cleansing ceremony again, but that there about 150 photos, so can he send them to me by courier instead of uploading them in the library as it will be easier for him, now I could have given him an address to send them to in the UK, but it's to much pissing about waiting for them to arrive, so I suggest he scans them like before.

DEAR FATHER,

WE HAVE SUCCESSFULLY CARRIED OUT THE CLEANSING PROCESSES.I PRAY YOU ACCEPT THIS AND WE FEEL "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" HAS BEEN RELEASED FROM LIMBO AS THERE WERE LOTS OF STRANGE SIGNS AFTER THE BURNING AND ALSO ONE OF THE BROTHERS WHO PARTICIPATED WAS HAVING A SERIOUS BACK ACHE FOR WEEKS NOW BUT IMMIDIATELY GOT RELIEVED. I just knew 419eater made miracles happen :)

DEAR FATHER,PLEASE I WANT TO ASK YOU FOR A LITTLE FAVOUR. THE PICTURES ARE ABOUT ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY COPIES AND WILL BE CUMBERSOME TO SCAN THEM FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARY SINCE WE DO NOT HAVE ONE, SO FATHER I PLEAD THAT YOU GIVE ME A MAILING ADDRESS TO ENABLE ME SEND THEM THROUGH UPS OR FEDEX AND I FEEL IT WILL BE MORE ASSESSIBLE THAT WAY.

MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU ALL....AMEN.

REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD





I have replied.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I am extremely happy that you have now finally completed the cleansing ceremony, we hope that the spirit has now been lifted from limbo and things can return to normal.

I am not sure what you mean by the 150 photos being cumbersome to scan from the library, you sent me the last lot of photos and they arrived very quickly by email, due to there being more photos this time, it will just take you a little longer to scan and email them, that's all, please go ahead and scan them as you did before and email them to me.

I could give you the address for our church headquarters in the UK to send them to, that's not a problem at all, but it will cost "you" at least £70 to send them to me via courier (my church never pays for items sent by courier), and I know how bad African courier services are, it takes for ever for packages to arrive from Africa, someone in Ivory Coast recently sent us a church banner by express courier, it took nearly 9 weeks for it to arrive here in the UK, and that was by express courier, then when it arrived, it was only the empty packaging, it had somehow been torn open between Africa and the UK, the contents were either stolen or accidentally lost in transit, this has happened with numerous packages sent from Africa.

I would not like to wait for weeks and weeks, only to find your package arrives with none of the photos inside the package, that will just cause even more delays, and we will very soon be reaching the end of our financial year, so I need to receive the photos as soon as possible so we can get your grant application processed before the end of year financial accounts, otherwise you will have to wait until our new financial year starts in November before you can apply for your grant again, so please do your best to scan them at the same place you scanned the last photosand get them emailed to me as soon as possible!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





I have just had 8 emails from the lad with 162 photos of the new cleansing ceremony attached, I do like the Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar banner they made for me, I really must get that sent to the UK if I can :)

DEAR FATHER,

THESE ARE THE PICTURES OF THE CLEANSING EXCERCISE.

REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD


These are the photos he sent of the new cleanisng ceremony, these are so much better BWAHAHAHA :), I have made them as links to save killing your browser when they all load, the photo of them with the banner is on "Photos 47/48".

Photos 1/2 Photos 3/4 Photos 5/6 Photos 7/8 Photos 9/10

Photos 11/12 Photos 13/14 Photos 15/16 Photos 17/18 Photos 19/20

Photos 21/22 Photos 23/24 Photos 25/26 Photos 27/28 Photos 29/30

Photos 31/32 Photos 33/34 Photos 35/36 Photos 37/38 Photos 39/40

Photos 41/42 Photos 43/44 Photos 45/46 Photos 47/48 Photos 49/50

Photos 51/52 Photos 53/54 Photos 55/56 Photos 57/58 Photos 59/60

Photos 61/62 Photos 63/64 Photos 65/66 Photos 67/68 Photos 69/70

Photos 71/72 Photos 73/74 Photos 75/76 Photos 77/78 Photos 79/80

Photos 81/82 Photos 83/84 Photos 85/86 Photos 87/88 Photos 89/90

Photos 91/92 Photos 93/94 Photos 95/96 Photos 97/98 Photos 99/100

Photos 101/102 Photos 103/104 Photos 105/106 Photos 107/108 Photos 109/110

Photos 111/112 Photos 113/114 Photos 115/116 Photos 117/118 Photos 119/120

Photos 121/122 Photos 123/124 Photos 125/126 Photos 127/128 Photos 129/130

Photos 131/132 Photos 133/134 Photos 135/136 Photos 137/138 Photos 139/140

Photos 141/142 Photos 143/144 Photos 145/146 Photos 147/148 Photos 149/150

Photos 151/152 Photos 153/154 Photos 155/156 Photos 157/158 Photos 159/160

Photos 161/162





I have replied to the lad telling him I could only open a few of the photos, but that my Bishop loves the banner and wants it sent to the UK, if he can do that, I can persude the Bishop to let them off with not being able to see all the photos, even though I did receive them all :)

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I have received your 8 emails, but I can only view a total of 21 of the photos you sent, although I received 8 emails from you with photos as attachments, unfortunately, I could not open all of the photos, my anti-virus said they contained a virus, please scan your computer thoroughly for any virus!

From the photos I was able to view, it looks like you did things correctly in the cleansing ceremony, but without seeing all of the photos, I could not be totally sure that you have done it all correctly, but having said that, the viewable photos are a good indication of things done right.

I have shown my Bishop the photos, and he is not happy about not being able to see them all, and suggested to me that I should tell you your ceremony was again a failure. But he was very impressed with the Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar banner that you made, he would very much like you to send the banner to the UK to be proudly displayed in our church, I told the Bishop I would have a word with you about that.

As I said, the Bishop is not to happy about all the missing photos, but I feel pity for you as you have now performed the ceremony twice, I have persuaded the Bishop that you have done a good and correct ceremony, but he really wants that banner you made, so providing you can send the banner to me via courier, I will see to it that the ceremony you performed is marked as being correct, please have the banner sent to our church headquarters, here is the full name and address of our church administrator to send the banner to:

[address snipped]

Please get back to me as soon as possible about sending the banner via a reliable courier, if you can do that for me, then my Bishop will think very highly of you and getting your grant will be plain sailing from now on.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





I have had an email from the lad, he says he has sent the banner, but in order not to lose it, he didn't use a courier, instead has sent it by Nigerian mail service, idiot, last time my lad sent a banner from Lagos using the Nigerian express mail service called EMS, it took 2 months to arrive in the UK, hope this time it is quicker, so lets wait and see, I shall ask him for a receipt of sending the banner so I can keep an eye out for it.

DEAR FATHER,

PLEASE SORRY FOR THE DELAY. ACTUALLY I HAVE SENT THE BANNER TO YOUR ADMINISTRATOR THOUGH I WROTE IT "TO FATHER O'H c/o MXXXXX RXXXXX.

IN ORDER NOT TO LOSE IT,I DIDN'T SEND IT VIA COURIER BUT THROUGH A REGISTERED MAIL SERVICE IN NIGERIA WHICH WILL TAKE ABOUT SIX DAYS OR MORE TO GET TO YOU.

PLEASE WATCH OUT FOR IT AS FROM MONDAY NEXT WEEK.

I PRAY THAT YOUR [OUR BISHOP VERY SOON] BISHOP WILL FACILITATE OUR GRANT BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY,THE COMPENSATION OF THE DECEASED FAMILY AS PROMISED.

THEY ARE STILL AT MY NECK AND MIGHT LOSE THEIR COOL.

DEAR FATHER,I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF WHILE REPLYING THIS MAIL,YOU GIVE MORE ASSURANCE ON THE COMPENSATION OF THE DECEASED FAMILY SO THAT I WILL SHOW THEM THE MAIL ASSURING THEM THAT THEIR SETTLEMENT IS ON THE PIPELINE.I WILL ALSO SHOW THE [I.P.O]POLICE A COPY ALSO.

THANKS FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE AND ENCOURAGEMENTS ALL THIS WHILE.MAY THE GOD OF ABRAHAM ISAAC AND JACOB CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU ....AMEN

MY REGARDS TO OUR BISHOP IN UK

BROTHER DONALD





I have replied to him, I bet he has sent it via EMS so it should piss him off to know they are unreliable, even if the banner arrives, the lad will be told the package was ripped open and was empty, can he make another and send via courier blah blah blah

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, nice to hear from you again, I was wondering what had happened to you.

I am glad to hear the banner has been sent, but it would have been far safer to send it by courier rather than Nigerian internal mail, which to be honest, is not the securest of mail services is it, I sincerely hope it arrives with no damage to it.

Which mail service did you send it by? Do you have the postage receipt that you can send to me so I can tell my administrator what to be expecting? I hope it was not the EMS mail service you used, as we have had many packages sent from Nigeria via EMS and many have either never arrived here or taken about 2 months to arrive!

Let me give you and the family of the deceased my assurance that all is well and compensation will be paid to them in due course, I forsee no problems regarding the payment. well, maybe a few problems LOL

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Lad has replied, it's not EMS he sent the banner by

DEAR FATHER,

IT IS NOT BY EMS THAT I SENT IT BUT IT WAS REGISTERED AND WOULDN'T GET LOST OR DAMAGED.

THE RECEIPT IS WITH ME AND WOULD BE AVAILABLE WHEN NEEDED.

PLEASE FATHER,I KNOW YOU EXPLAINED TO ME EARLIER THAT YOU HAVE LITTLE PROBLEM WITH YOUR HEARING BUT STILL CAN I HAVE YOUR MOBILE PHONE NUMBER SO THAT I CAN ALWAYS SEND YOU SMS OR TEXT MESSAGES WHEN NECESSARY.YOU CAN HAVE MINE.234-802-xxxxxxx.

REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD





This banner has just arrived in the UK :)

Hopefully I should have a photo of it this evening, the lad emailed me 3 times over the weekend but I didn't want to bore you with his emails, he was only asking for my mobile number so he could send me text messages, I ignored his emails, he knows I am deaf because of the terrorist bomb blast I was in, but just wants to send text for keeping in touch easier.


[edit]

And here is the banner on the floor in the UK.






I have had about 3 emails from the lad over the last couple ofdays, asking for my mobile number so he can text me, I have ignored him completely, he emailed me again today about the banner

DEAR FATHER,

PLEASE I NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU AS REGARDS IF YOU HAVE GOTTEN THE BANNER WE SENT.

I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM YOU OVER A LONG TIME,I HOPE EVERYTHING IS OKAY?

MAY GOD CONTINUE TO PROTECT YOU ALL ...AMEN

REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD





I replied to him.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I must apologise for not mailing you sooner, I received your other emails over the last few days, but I could only read them today as I was having terrible problems with my Hotmail email account, the problem appears to have been corrected now, so that is good.

I could give you my mobile number so that you can send me text messages, but receiving text's from Nigeria on my phone will cost a lot of money, I get charged for every text I receive and charged at international rates, it really is a waste of money and I prefer to use church funds for better things than text messages.

I still have not received your package with the banner yet, I did tell you that Nigerian postal services are not very reliable, I had one package sent by EMS and it took a couple of months to reach here, and that was the express service! I will let you know as soon as it arrives.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.


On Saturday, I will give him the bad news about my church burning down on Friday, and send him this photoshopped newspaper cutting LOL :)


p>


Ok, it's now Saturday, and time to give him the bad news about the church fire, just to make him feel worse, I told him his banner arrived today, and that had he sent it by courier, it would have arrived last week and he would have been paid his grant and the money for the deceased woman, but as it's arrived only now, he grant is suspended LOL, I attached the newspaper cutting posted above to the email for him to read.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

I am very sorry for not contacting you sooner, my church has had a ghastly accident, we currently have builders in doing urgent repair work to the roof and vaults area of my church, well I really am sad to say that one of the workmen accidentally left a blowtorch on whilst he went for his break, as a result our beautiful old church was consumed by flames, it was like a scene from hell, I really don't know what we are going to do now, this has absolutely destroyed my soul.

I have attached a newspaper cutting from our local newspaper showing their news story about my church on fire, I am so very saddened by all of this, but I am also very sad for you Brother Donald, because we have had to cancel all grants to national and international organisations such as yourself at this moment in time, I hope you can understand our situation, I have shed many tears over this, my church did not have enough insurance cover in case of fire, and the damage is estimated to be over one million pounds, this means we might face bankruptcy unless we can find some sponsors to help with the costs of rebuilding the church.

Just to let you know that I have had word from my admin department that you banner arrived today, had the banner arrived here on Wednesday or Thursday last week, your grant would have been paid by now, but due to the fire, all grants are now suspended until further notice. Now you can see why I asked you to use a courier rather than the Nigerian postal service, had you used a courier to send the banner, it would arrived a week ago and you would now have your grant and the money for the deceased womans family.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





I got a reply from my lad about the church burning down, and not the reply I was expecting, thought he might blow his top, but he seems ok about it, and can I make a token payment

Subject: RE: PLEASE FATHER

DEAR FATHER,

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY NOW,BUT FIRST OF ALL I THANK GOD THAT NO LIFE WAS LOST.

SECONDLY,I PRAY THAT "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" WILL HELP PROVIDE SPONSORS WHO WILL HELP TO REBUILD THE CHURCH AND HER PHILANTHROPIC ACTIVITIES WILL RESUME ONCE AGAIN. I know a lad who might be able to help my new sponosrs BWAHAHAHAHA :)

THIRDLY FATHER,CONSIDERING MY PLIGHT AS REGARDS THE DECEASED WOMAN'S COMPENSATION,I FEEL MY OWN CASE IS DIFFERENT. I WOULDN'T WANT TO GET INTO TROUBLE AFTER GIVING THEM ALL ASSURANCE THAT THEY WILL BE COMPENSATED.

HOW WILL THEY FEEL? PLEASE SHOW YOUR BISHOP THIS MAIL. AS IT STANDS NOW,I KNOW THAT A TOKEN OF ABOUT 1000 POUNDS CAN KEEP THEM CALM FOR ENOUGH PERIOD UNTIL YOUR CHURCH RECOVERS.

WE WILL BE HAVING A PRAYER SESSION THIS SUNDAY AT OUR CHURCH ON BEHALF OF THE CHURCH OF GOODWILL FOR GOD TO GRANT YOU THE FORTITUDE TO BEAR AND REPAIR THE LOSS.

TILL I HEAR FROM YOU.

BEST REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD





I have replied to the lad, asking him to make a banner for a 419eater member who posted on this thread requesting a banner to be made for his music group

http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=84967

Maybe he will do it, he will if he wants his money.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, and for your kind words in asking for my church to recovery quickly, I am very happy to hear you will be having a prayer session, I am just thankful to God that nobody was injured during the fire.

I am afraid that I cannot send you £1000 at this moment in time, so please show this email to the family of the deceasd woman to calm them, they are 100% guaranteed to receive their compensation, it will just take a little longer due to the fire and our financial status at the moment, but all compensations will eventually be paid once the church is rebuilt.

We have already opened a disater fund for my church and we have some sponsors who want to help by making donations, but as you can imagine, we need a lot of money, I have spoken with the builders and architects today, and they they estimate that the damage to the church will eventually cost around £1.5 Million pounds to rebuild it.

As I said, some sponsors have come forward to help out, even from as far away as the USA, there is an American music band who have pledged £70,000 to my church, they are called the "The Tretchers" one member of their band used to sing in our choir as a special guest, they are about to sign a major record deal in the USA and are happy to help us, but I will need a big favour from you Brother Donald.

The band members have seen the banner you made for my church and they are very impressed with it, in return for giving a donation to my church, they would love to have a nice banner to put up on stage behind them when they play at their live gigs, so I would like you to make a banner like the one you made for my church with nice bright colours, please use the exact words below on the banner in very big letters.

"The Tretchers"
They Will Rock Your World
We've Suffered For Our Music. Now It's Your Turn

Also, would it be possible to have some stencilled images of "guitars" and "conga drums" on the banner as they use those musical instruments a lot when they play.

As an added bonus, the band have told me that they might use your banner as the cover for their CD's and album covers, of course, you would be paid any royalties if they did use it, please try and get this banner made as soon as possible as they intend to release their new album in the next week or so!

By doing this you are guaranteeing that my church receives £70,000 towards the church fire disaster appeal, and the sooner we get more donations, the sooner I can give you your grant and pay the compensation to the deceased womans family, so by doing this you are helping me, but you will be mostly helping yourself!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Oh goody, this lad usually mails me from IP address 213.185.106.155 = Nigeria, I have now received this email below from someone else claiming to be from South Africa, their IP is the same as my lads IP, 213.185.106.155 = Nigeria :), it's obviously the same lad pretending to be someone else from South Africa, apart from having the same IP address, he's the only one who knows my church has burned down, I feel a fake cheque coming :), of course, the cheque would either be made out for more than the £400,000 and then they would say they made a mistake and ask me to return the difference, or they would want me to send the courier fees for it to be sent to me, just goes to show what these scammers are like, pure scum, well, I will not entertain his cheque offer just to piss him off.

GOOD DAY CHURCH OF Gxxxxxxx,

This Is The HolyGroup Christian Club Of South Africa And I Am The President.This Club Is Made Up Of Very Rich And Affluent Christian Citizens Of South Africa As Well As Some Multinationals Such As Halliburton,Chevron And Transocean.

Following The Kind And Benevolent Gesture You Have Exhibited Through Your Church All These Years In Helping The Less Priviledged And Coupled With The Mishap That Befell Your Church Lately,We Have Decided To Donate The Sum Of £400,000 [Four Hundred Thousand Pounds] To Your Coffers To Enable The Church Continue With Her Gxxxxxxx.This was Realised After The Board Of Trustees Sat On This Issue On The 28th Of This Month

Kindly Give Us All Necessary Informations To Enable Us Transfer The Money In Due Course.I Know This Will Cheer You Up.

Thanks For Your Anticipated Coperation

Reverend Samuel Peters

For The Club





I have replied to the Reverend, I don't want a cheque unless it is sent by courier, this might put them off all together, but it's the banners I am most interested in receiving

Dear Reverend Samuel Peters,

Thank you for your email, this is wonderful news and a great gesture by you, £400,000 would give us nearly a quarter of the amount we need to rebuild our church!

We only accept payments by cheque at the moment, cheques must only be sent by couriers such as Fedex or other official couriers, for legal reasons, my church DOES NOT accept cheques by normal postal mail, any cheques received via postal mail will be returned to the sender. Because of the legal reasons, we require senders to give us the tracking number of the cheque they have sent by courier.

If you still feel you wish to make a donation to the church fire disaster appeal, please feel free to email me as soon as possible and I will give you the address of my church admin department.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





I can't be bothered getting in to the lad trying to wire the donation to my bank, I want banners from his scamming character as the fetish lad, so I have put the mockers on his donation offer, this was his reply to my last email above asking him to courier the money to me, which I knew he wouldn't do

Dear H

There is no problems with sending the check by courier but our organization does not pay for courier services.

Unless you would take care of the courier expenses then we will proceed otherwise we pay directly into your church's designated account which is more convinient.

looking forward to getting your reply

Revd Samuel





I have replied mentioning that I know all about scams, so either he will go ahead and send it by courier to prove he is real and still send an overpayment if he is really really stupid, doubt it.

Or he will get making the banner I asked for under his other character name when they realise this donation isn't going to work, it will also make him confident that I don't know his fetish lad character is a scammer

Dear Reverend Samuel Peters,

Thank you for your email, I find it strange that you can afford to send my church a £400,000 donation, but you can't afford to pay for a courier to send it to the UK, very strange indeed!

My church has nearly been scammed by African scammers a few times, they wanted to send a large amounts of money to us as a donation, so we paid for the couriers, only to find that they sent a cheque that was made out for far more than the donation amount they said they were giving us, of course, they asked that we return the difference to them, the cheques turned out to be fake and were given to the police by our bank, we never lost any money to the scammers.

That was clearly what is commonly known as a 419 overpayment scam, we know all about 419 scams here in the UK, stories about 419ers are on television here 2 or 3 times a week, with news stories about 419 inheritance scams, fake lottery scams, charity scams, dating scams, auction scams etc.

For this reason, we only accept cheques for the correct donation amount and that the courier fees are paid by the person sending the donation, we do not accept donations directly in to our church bank account for the same reason of avoiding a fraud called "flashing" by electronic payment!

Scammers never want to pay courier fees because they want to make money, they don't like paying money out at all, so they NEVER pay the courier fees, so when a person such as yourself tells us they don't pay for courier fees, we cease all contact with them as we do not want to risk our church to be scammed.

So I am sorry, I will have to refuse your £400,000 donation on the grounds that you will not pay the courier fees, so the only conclusion I can come to is that you may possibly not be legitimate, please don't take my words badly, my church comes first and we have to protect it from scammers who want to defraud us on a regular basis.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Finally had a reply from the reverend, I guess he didn't like my last email above about all the scams I mentioned, that messed up his plan of sending me an over payment fake cheque as a donation, his short reply was this

ALOHA FATHER,

We Are Quite Sorry If Our Kind Gesture Has Turned Into Corruption.

We Have Decided To With Hold Our Check.

I wonder why, I hope the fetish lad gets back to me soon about the banner now that he knows I know about cheque scams haha :).






It's now September 4th, and still not heard anything from the fetish lad since August 29th, but he often doesn't reply for a week or more, anyway, sent him a short reminder.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

I have not heard from you for quite some time now, you have not replied to my email concerning making a banner for the group called "The Tretchers" who are sponsoring my church.

Would you kindly get back to me as soon as possible about this, if I do not hear back from you, I will have to assume that you no longer want your grant or the compensation for the deceased womans family and they will be cancelled!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





A day later now, and I have got a reply from the fetish lad at last, seems he was arrested because of me not paying the compensation to the deceased womans family, he was only recently released from being locked up again

DEAR FATHER,

I WOULD START BY THANKING GOD THAT I WAS RELEASED TO MEET YOUR LAST MAIL.

BEFORE GOD AND MAN,I DIDN'T HAVE ACCESS TO MY MAIL UNTIL THIS MORNING 5TH SEPTEMBER. strange then that you mailed me pretending to be Reverend Samuel a couple of time in the last few days huh, lieing rat

AS I SHOWED THE DECEASED FAMILY THE LAST MAIL YOU WROTE ME TURNING DOWN THE PLEA OF £1000,A LITTLE BRAWL INSUED WHICH MADE THEM TO LOCK ME UP IN LIEU OF THEIR SISTER'S DEATH.

I WAS RELEASED ON SATURDAY EVENING AND WAS ASKED TO REPORT TO THE STATION YESTERDAT BEING MONDAY.I COULDN'T CHECK MY MAIL YESTERDAY UNTIL THIS MORNING.

BUT FATHER,IF MAY ASK,CAN'T THERE BE ANYTHING YOU CAN DO TO ASSURE THESE PEOPLE THAT THEY WILL BE COMPENSATED?

LEST I FORGET,IS THE BANNER TOO LATE TO BE MADE NOW? no it's not too late, I have given you more time, crafty git, that's why you never replied earlier about the banner, so you wouldn't have to make it BUT FATHER,IF I HAVE TO SWEAR,I DO NOT HAVE FINANCES TO CARRY OUT THAT NOW,MY GROUP ARE WAITING FOR YOUR PROMISES AND I KNOW FATHER THAT IF YOU CAN HAVE MERCY ON US AND YOU LIAISE WITH YOUR BISHOP,HE CAN DO SOMETHING DESPITE THE TRAGEDY THAT BURNT OUR CHURCH.

ALWAYS REMAIN BLESSED IN THE LORD

YOURS OBIDIENTLY AND EVER LOYAL

BROTHER DONALD





I have replied to him.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I am happy to hear that you have been released, if you had shown my email to the deceased womans family, it states that their compensation will eventually be paid, but things are very difficult because of the recent fire we had, surely they can understand that? They can't be that unreasonable can they, they will get their money, only it will be a bit later in coming.

If you send me the email address of the deceased womans family, I will personally email them about the compensation payment and why it is delayed.

Please inform them again that once we start getting sponsors and reach our target for rebuilding my church, then they will be paid in full, you will also receive your full grant at that time!

With regards to the banner I have asked you to make for The Tretchers, I have just had a chat with one of their band members on Yahoo messenger, and I have told them about the problems you are having in Africa, he told me that to help you out, they "will definitly" use your banner as an image for the CD's and album covers, you will earn a lot of royalties when that happens, as you know from my previous email, they were about to sign a major record deal, that record deal has now been signed, so you will be looking at making tens of thousands of dollars when they use the banner you make for them, of course, you have to make the banner first for them to be able to do that.

The band are releasing their new album on September 16th, so that gives you 11 days in which to make it, although obviously, they need the banner made as soon as possible so that it is ready for printing on CD and album covers before the 16th, please let me know that you can do it by that date, otherwise I will have to cancel your grant and the compensation payments.

I can not see that it will cost you much to make the banner, all you need is a large white sheet, some paint and some stencils, most people have a large spare white bed sheet in their homes, most people have tins of paint stored away from when they last redecorated their home, all you will need is a stencil to do the lettering, how can it be so difficult or expensive to make the banner for them, especially as with very little outlay, you will be making thousands of dollars from the use of the banner.

If you can't make the banner, we will be losing out on a lot of money, firstly, my church will not get the £70,000 donation from the band, which means it will take longer to reach out target and will take longer for you to get your grant and the compensation payment, plus you will not earn the royalties from their CD and album sales for using the banner on their covers, so it is very important that you help yourself by making the banner as soon as possible!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





He is going to make the banner (under protest), awwwww, it's so unfair :)

Subject: IT IS UNFAIR

DEAR FATHER O'H

I AM A HUMAN BEING AND VERY POOR,I AM NOT THE ONE TO PRODUCE OR PRINT THE BANNER BUT AN ARTIST WILL BE PAID.THE ONE I SENT TO YOU COST US 6,000 NAIRA OUR LOCAL CURRENCY WHICH IS ABOUT 24POUNDS,AND IF I AM TO SEND IT VIA COURIER,IT WILL COST ME ABOUT 65 POUNDS. REMEMBER THAT THIS WASN'T IN OUR AGREEMENT TO DO BANNERS FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

I AM NOT MONEY CONSCIOUS ON THEIR ROYALTIES AFTERWARDS BUT IF YOU INSIST ON USING THE CANCELLING OF MY GRANTS AND THE DECEASED COMPENSATION TO HOLD ME AT RANSOM,THEN I WILL DO THE BANNER BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT THERE IS AN ALMIGHTY GOD THAT IS WATCHING US. SHOULD I PASS THROUGH ALL THESE WITHOUT GETTING THE GRANT IN THE END,REMEMBER THAT ALL THE MAILS AND TRANSACTIONS ARE DOCUMENTED AND THE WHOLE CHRISTIAN WORLD WILL SEE AND HEAR IT. I love having them by the short and curlies :)

LET ME HAVE THE MANUSCRIPT ON WHAT TO WRITE AND HOW TO MAKE THIS SECOND BANNER AS WELL AS THE ADDRESS TO SEND IT.

REMAIN BLESSED

DONALD





Just sent laddy a reply

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I am sorry to hear that you feel it is unfair, but please be rest assured that providing you make a nice banner for the band, your grant and compensation payments will be paid to you in full, you really deserve it for all of your work.

I have had some very good news today, his eminence the Pope, has granted my church a donation of £350,000 from Vatican City funds toward the rebuilding costs, we have now got just over £750,000 from different sponsors and are half way to the target of £1.5 million pounds needed, I am sure you will agree that is most excellent news, the £70,000 we receive from The Tretchers for you making the banner will take us over £800,000 barrier and other donations are coming in fast.

With regards to the banner you are making for The Tretchers, please make sure you use large letters and bright coloured ink like on the banner you made before, here is the exact text to use

"The Tretchers" They Will Rock Your World We've Suffered For Our Music. Now It's Your Turn

As I mentioned before, please have some stencilled images of "guitars" and "conga drums" on the banner as they use those musical instruments a lot when they play.

Please make the banner as quickly as possible as we don't have much time now, I will be chatting with one of the band members on Yahoo messenger either tonight or tomorrow, and I will get the address of where they want the banner sent to as they are currently touring the states playing live gigs in different places.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





September 7th, a short mail from the lad asking me to text him the address to send the banner, he is just desperate to get my phone number

DEAR FATHER,

LET ME GET THE ADDRESS TO WHERE I WILL BE SENDING THE BANNER.

PLEASE I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU SEND IT VIA SMS TO MY PHONE BECAUSE I DO NOT INTEND CHECKING MY MAIL AGAIN TODAY. MY NUMBER IS 234-803-77xxxxx.

BEST WISHES FROM

BROTHER DONALD





Just sent the lad the address for sending the banner

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I could not send you the address for sending the banner to before today, as I said in my previous email, I would either be chatting with the band member on Yahoo messenger Wednesday or Thursday, unfortunaltely he was very busy with their latest gig and I have only just had the chance the chance to chat with him on messenger this morning.

The is his name and address to send the banner to in the US

George Dxxxx
xxxx Cxxxxx Drive, Suite #xxx
Kxxxxxx Falls, OR xxxxx

Please email me a photo of the banner being held up when you have finished it, I am much obliged to you for all your hard work!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





September 11th, the lad has sent me a photo of the new banner, and also sent a FedEx receipt showing it has been sent to the US of A :)

DEAR FATHER,

ATTACHED HEREWITH IS THE BANNER AS WELL AS A COPY OF THE FEDEX COURIER.

REGARDS

DONALD


Here is the banner and the FedEx receipt.


Here is the Tretchers banner hanging behind the band when they played at a gig in the US

I have crossed out the tracking number and certain delivery details for obvious reasone, I just checked the tracking number, biut there is no result for it, hmmmm, can't see that he would not have sent it really after going to the trouble of making it, maybe the number is not on the system yet, maybe as it's only a small package it isn't actually trackable, i don't know.





I knew when I got that very first email mentioning a fetish village, that this would be fun :) I want my lad to do one more trophy for me, but I wont ask him for that just yet, maybe in about a weeks time, he will plead poverty but I can only ask, I will tell him that donations to my fire appeal have dried up and we only have £1 million so far, but I have this other sponsor who will pay the remaining £500,000 and that he needs to help out for us to achieve that, of course, then I can pay him his grant and the compensation. I have decided that I will be going to Chad at that time, and I will have his money with me, so come and get it mugu :)





The FedEx tracking for the banner is now working, should arrive tomorrow :)





I had not replied to the lad since he sent the banner, he has mailed me again with a short mail

DEAR FATHER,

I SENT THE BANNER VIA COURIER SINCE ON MONDAY AND I SENT YOU A COPY OF THE RECEIPT AS WELL AS THE BANNER. THIS IS THE TRACKING NUMBER 856467xxxxxx FOR THE FEDEX.

LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU.

REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD





I replied

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, sorry for not replying sooner, but you can imagine how many emails I am getting from people concerning the fire, and I am extremely busy with many things.

Thank you for sending the banner to the US, I have just looked at the tracking number and see that estimated date of delivery is tomorrow, although that is only a FedEx estimate, and they often take longer sometimes.

Please keep a tally of all expenses you have incurred for the 2 banners and the couriers fees, I am not supposed to do this, but as a personal favour to you for all of your hard work, I will advise my Bishop that all fees for the couriers and the banner making will be paid back to you once my church hits it's £1.5 million target. I added this bit so that he might be more likely to do my next trophy thinking he will be getting the costs back

We now have £892,000 collected from donations, including the £70,000 from the band you made the banner for, I am sure you will agree this is excellent news for everyone!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





There is a bloody delay with the package, I have seen that shipment exception message before when I got sent a fake cheque, it never did arrive in the end, the tracking just always said that it was stuck at Stanstead with the shipment exception, hope the same isn't going to happen with the banner

What is the meaning of that phrase, anyone know?

Why the hell is it in stanstead anyway, it's supposed to be going to the USA, don't they have flights from Africa to the US GRRRRRRRR

[edit]

Later that same day, the tracking now shows the banner is in the US :), lets hope they have not put any duty on it







Got a reply from the lad to my mail saying I would refund him the cost of the banners and the courier fees, he says he does not want that money, that is his donation to the fire appeal, then says about royalties from the band, strange that, in his previous emails he said he was not interested in money at all and was not bothered about getting royalties quote: I AM NOT MONEY CONSCIOUS ON THEIR ROYALTIES AFTERWARDS.

Here was me thinking (only for 1 second) he was a lad with a conscience in not wanting the fees, but he simply doesn't mind paying the for banners and couriers because he knows he will be getting thousands of $$$ in royalties from using his banner on the CD covers, hopefully, when the banner is delivered, The Tretchers can take a photo with the banner and that can be photoshopped on to a CD cover to send to him

DEAR FATHER,

I APPRECIATE YOUR KIND GESTURE,MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU.

NO MATTER HOW THE SITUATION MIGHT BE FOR ME,I WOULD LIKE YOU NOT TO PERSUADE YOUR BISHOP TO REFUND ME THE EXPENSES ON THE TWO BANNERS AS WELL AS THE COURIERS.PLEASE I WOULD LIKE THAT TO BE MY OWN CONTRIBUTION TO THE CHURCH'S FIRE DISASTER RELIEF FUND.THAT IS MY OWN WIDOW'S MIGHT.

BUT I WOULD APPRECIATE YOU LIVE UP TO YOUR PROMISES AS WELL AS THE ROYALTIES I AM SUPPOSED TO GET FROM THE MUSICAL BAND.

LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU.

ALL MY CHRISTIAN LOVE

BROTHER DONALD





The eagle has landed :)







Got an email from the lad since ignoring him for 4 days, it's just reminding me the banner was delivered

DEAR FATHER,

I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM YOU FOR A WHILE NOW. FROM MY TRACKING OF THE FEDEX PARCEL,IT WAS DELIVERED ON THE 15TH OF THIS MONTH ,SHOWING THAT IT GOT TO THE RECIPIENT BEFORE THE 16TH DEADLINE.

PLEASE FATHER,I NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU.

YOURS OBIDIENTLY

BROTHER DONALD





I have replied

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I passed the tracking number on to the band, I myself did not check the tracking, but I have now been informed, and also by you, that the banner has arrived in the US, sadly, the band have moved to another state in the US due to their tour, so they did not get the banner when it arrived late in Orgeon, it has apparently been forwarded to them from the address you sent it to, so they should collect it in the next day or two.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.


He can be guaranteed I will have my new sponsor soon, whether he will fulfil my request is another matter, but as he is in so deep now, who knows





Got a reply from my lad, seems a bit concerned that the sponsors and donations are drying up, must pray harder

DEAR FATHER,

OUR KNEES ARE ON THE FLOOR PRAYING THAT GOD SHOULD GRANT YOU ALL SPONSORS NEEDED TO HIT THE TARGET.I PRAY FOR YOU FERVENTLY AND SMARTLY BECAUSE MY INTEREST IS YOUR FUTURE AND WHEN IT IS ACHIEVED,IT WILL PROPELL OURS. Yeah, propelled backwards :)

MAY GOD CONTINUE TO WORK THROUGH YOU HIS SON AND SERVANT.

YOURS BROTHERLY IN CHRIST

DONALD





I thought I better send him an email to let him know how the donations are going

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, and thank you for your prayers, I wish you would pray harder as the donations have slowed to a near halt now.

When I last mailed you, we had a total of £1,004,000, (£1 million, 4 thousand pounds), since then, we have had only 3 more donations totalling £217

The grand total is now £1,004,217, (£1 million, 4 thousand, 217 pounds), please keep praying hard as me need much bigger donations than the last 3 we have received, we still need £495,783 to reach our final target, and it looks like it is going to be a long hard struggle getting those donations, so pray like you have never prayed before.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





A reply from my lad, he says it's ok, good things will happen

DEAR FATHER,

JUST RELAX,AS LONG AS THE GOD WE WORSHIP IS THE GOD OF ABRAHAM,ISAAC AND JACOB. THE SPIRIT OF "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" IS NOT SLEEPING. THEY WILL BRING US SPONSORS AND I DECREE THAT AS YOU READ THIS MAIL,BEFORE THE END OS THIS MONTH,SOMETHING MERVELOUS WILL HAPPEN IN JESUS NAME .....AMEN. he must be reading my mind, something marvellous will happen before the end of the month LOL

REMAIN BLESSED

BROTHER DONALD





Well it's shit or bust time for this bait, trying to get some photos of my lads holding Shivers book cover, this is what I just sent to my lad, wonder if he will go for that, well he does want his money and he's in deep now, plus he messed up the banner, so he can redeem himself with this

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

I have just been chatting with a member of the band who you made the banner for, the banner has now arrived at it's destination after being forwarded to them from where you sent it to in Oregon.

Unfortunatley, the banner is in a very bad state and they cannot use it at all, the band member told me that the banner stinks of something like petrol or turpentine, and the paint was still wet when you folded the banner up in the package, as a result, the wet paint has gone all over the banner and it is of no use to them now, they tell me the paint is still sticky after all this time, it has been travelling for 12 days and the paint is still sticky, what in Gods name sort of paint did you use that would still be wet after all this time? And why does the banner stink of petrol or turpentine?

This is a very sad state of affairs I can tell you, I had no choice but to give the band back the £70,000 donation that they paid to my church, and as the banner cannot be used on their album covers, you will now not get any royalties from the sales of the albums and CD's, this is absolutely terrible, Brother Donald!

You know how little the donations we are receiving at the moment, and having to give the £70,000 back has really dented our donations appeal fund, but as you mentioned in your last email, God, the spirit of Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob will bring us sponsors, and I know for sure they are all helping because the good Lord has smiled upon us both on this day, praise the Lord and his great power.

The good Lord has provided us with 2 more people who are willing to pay £250,000 each to my church, and being in Nigeria, you are in an ideal position to help us to get one of those £250,000 donations.

There is an author in the UK who is writing a book about scammers in Africa, now I have been to Africa many times over the years, and I know all about 419 scams, I am sure that as you live in Nigeria, you have heard about these 419 scammers, these people use internet cafes to scam people all over the world, and the name 419 actually comes from the Nigerian criminal code that deals with fraud, well something like that anyway.

Well, as I said, this author is writing a book all about African scams, his book is due to be printed in about 2 weeks time and the book will sell millions of copies here in the UK and the rest of the world. He has made a cover for his book, but he wants it to look more realistic, he knows I am in contact with you and that you are Nigerian, so, he will give a £250,000 donation to my church if I can get some Nigerians to hold copies of the front cover of his new book and take a photo of you holding it, he will then use that picture of you holding the book cover for the actual cover when the book is printed, but I would like you to do a bit more than just holding the book so as to make sure we get this donation and give value for his gracious donaton to us.

I am sending you a very large image of the book cover as an attachment in this email, I would like you to have the book cover image printed off as LARGE as you can make it, and I mean make it a very large colour photocopy, it might be best if you take the image to a printers and have it done properly.

You will need about 8 - 10 photocopies of the book cover to hold, I would like you and a large number of your friends and associates to gather together, and do 2 things for me to make this really good for the author, it needs to look like you are authentic Nigerian scammers in an internet cafe, so this is what I would like you to do

1). Gather all your friends and associates together and have some of them holding copies of the book cover, please be inside an internet cafe when taking the photos to make it look like you are all a bunch of those nasty 419 scammers that we hear so much about, all I need is several photos of you all in the internet cafe holding the book covers, please make sure everyone looks very menacing as I understand scammers are very angry looking people.

2). For the second thing I would like you to do, it would be fantastic if all of your friends could lie on the floor in the shape of alphabet letters so that you spell out the name of the book using people, as you will see from the attached image I have sent you, the book is called:

"Greetings In Jesus Name - The Scambaiter Letters"

Please use people to spell those words and have them in a large circle on the ground, with some people in the middle of the circle holding the photocopies of the book cover, obviously, you will need to be upstairs in your house or climb up a high tree to take the photo of them on the floor spelling out the letters, otherwise we will not see clearly that you have spelt all of the words if you stand on the ground to take the photos.

Praise the Lord for bringing these donations to us, and praise be to Brother Donald Pxxxx for all of his fine work in both helping my church, and in helping himself to get his grant and compenstaion for the deceased womans family.

If we get these 2 x £250,000 donations, will will thenhave enough money to start rebuilding my church, and I can them immediately send you your grant and the compensation payment, I forgot to mention, that the author will donate £0.05 to you from the sale of each book that he sells, and the book will sell millions of copies, so whilst £0.05 does not sound a lot, it does become a lot when you multiply it by 5 million book sales!!!

Please get back to me about this as soon as possble to let me know your progress.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





My lad seems a bit peeved about the banner and my requests

DEAR FATHER O'H,

TO START WITH,REMEMBER THAT I WAS TOO RELUCTANT TO DO THAT BANNER. TO BE FRANK WITH YOU,I DID THAT BANNER ON FRIDAY BEING 8TH OF SEPTEMBER 2006,I COULDN'T SEND IT THE FOLLOWING DAY BEING SATURDAY 9TH BECAUSE FEDEX OR UPS DO NOT WORK ON SATURDAYS HERE IN NIGERIA.SO I SPREAD THE BANNER OUT UNDER THE SUN TILL SUNDAY EVENING.I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO TAKE PICTURES WITH IT UNTIL THAT SUNDAY WHEN IT GOT DRY.

THE CAUSE OF THE SMELL IS WHAT WE CALL "THINNER" WHICH HELPS IT TO GET DRY.THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE BANNERS,UNLESS SOMEBODY IS TRYING TO SABOTAGE MY EFFORTS IN ORDER TO HOLD MY GRANT AS WELL AS THE DEAD WOMAN'S COMPENSATION.

I SUGGEST THEY RETURN THE BANNER BACK TO ME BEFORE I BELIEVE THAT CRAP.

AS TO WHAT YOU ARE ASKING ME TO DO AS REGARDS THE BOOK "SCAMBAITERS LETTERS",I LOVE SUCH DEVELOPMENT,IT WILL HELP CREATE AWARENESS ON THE ISSUE OF 419. IT IS A HOUSE HOLD ACTIVITY HERE IN NIGERIA,I EVEN HAVE IN MIND THAT YOU MIGHT EVEN BE SUSPECTING ME TO BE ONE OF THEM BECAUSE I AM A NIGERIAN. what, suspect an upstanding gentleman like you of being a scammer, never, ROFLLLL

BUT FATHER,I CANNOT DO IT WITHOUT LITTLE FINANCIAL SUPPORT FROM THE AUTHOR. I DO NOT RUN A CAFE AND WOULD HIRE ONE IN THE PROCESS. I NEED ALSO TO RENT SOME PEOPLE TO SPELL SUCH ALPHABETS. MOST OF MY CHURCH MEMBERS ARE NO LONGER WILLING TO INDULGE IN ANY ACTIVITY COMING FROM YOU THROUGH ME BECAUSE OF THE LONG AWAITED PROMISES. THEY ARE EVEN USING THE ABANDONED CHICKEN DEATH OF THE SISTER AS AN EXAMPLE.

SO FATHER,WITH 100 POUNDS ,I CAN DO THAT WHICH WILL FETCH YOU 250,000 POUNDS IN RETURN.EVEN IF IT MEANS SUBTRACTING IT FROM MY GRANT.

BEST REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD


I obviously can't send the banner back as it was thrown in the bin due to it being ruined and stinking of thinners, can't give him £100 either as we can't give out any money until we reach our target, I might lose this lad, will reply to him in a bit explaining that all cost are met by the grantee blah blah blah, and if he doesn't want to do it, feel free to cancel your grant and compensation payments. If he does drop me, I can always hook up with him again in a few weeks and tell him we have reached our church restoration target and can now give him his money, sadly, I will be in Chad at that time and he has to collect it from me if he wants it blah blah blah.





Oh dear, he used the word "crap" to me in his last email, he can't talk to a man of god like that, I have replied to him

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, firstly, NEVER, I repeat, NEVER use the word CR*P when emailing me, is that clear, if you use such words in any further emails to me, I will simply delete your grant application and compensation payments permanently. I will not tolerate bad language, and NEVER accuse me of sabotaging your efforts, I am a priest, a man of the church, do you honestly think I sabotage people? My only concern is helping people and getting people such as you to help yourself.

With regards to the banner, you say it was dry, the band members tell me it was still sticky and the paint was on other parts of the banner, I myself have had banners from Nigeria that were still sticky when they arrived in the UK, despite the sender saying they were dry when they sent them, and the smell of the thinners is horrible, the smell alone makes the banners unuseable, there is no need whatsoever to mix thinners with the paint when making a banner, are you aware that when you put thinners in paint, and then use that paint on a banners and parcel it up, the humidity in the parcel caused by the thinners causes the paint to become sticky? Well that is exactly what happens, so please do not use thinner when you make banners!

The banner you made had to be thrown out with the rubbish, partly due to the sticky paint getting on other parts of the banner, but mostly due to the overwhelming smell of thinners coming from it, they could not keep it and so it was thrown away as unuseable.

You mention that you want £100, well, as I have told you on more than one occasion, church funds are tied up due to the fire, no money is allowed to be sent to anyone until we reach our £1.5 million pound target, there are no exceptions to that rule! The onus is on grantees to fund any tasks for sponsors, of course, you can claim back any expenses once your grant is payable.

Brother Donald, you saying that I might think you are a scammer is ridiculous, if I thought you were one of those 419 scammers, I would not even bother emailing you, I would have known from the start that you were a scammer and I would have called you a scammer, by doing the things I ask of you, it proves to me that you are not a scammer, scammers are only interested in getting money, they would not bother spending money and completing sponsor tasks as you have done, so please, let there be no more talk of you being a scammer because I know you are completely genuine.

On the subject of what I asked you to do in my last email concerning the author, I am not asking you to hire an internet cafe. I have been to Nigeria many times and I know that you can walk in to any internet cafe without paying, you only have to pay for your internet time, and I am not asking you to pay for any internet time, all I am asking is that you simply to go to an internet cafe and have your photos taken in there whilst holding the photocopies of the authors book cover, there are no costs to you involved in that apart from making colour photocopies of the book cover.

As for having to hire people to do the alphabet, if you feel that is too difficult for you, then just go ahead and do the part in the internet cafe, which is well within your means and will cost virtually nothing apart from your time, please ensure that the photocopies of the book cover are as big as possible, for example, photocopies of A4 size "ARE NOT" big enough, they need to be much bigger than that so that the cover is clearly visible.

If you feel that you do not wish to help yourself and my church by getting this very important £250,000 donation, then feel free to email me stating that you wish to cancel your grant, and I will delete your grant application and compensation payment.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





It looks like my mild slap and mentioning about his grant and compensation being cancelled has done the trick, he has agreed to do Shivers book cover task.

DEAR FATHER

I AM VERY,VERY AND VERY SORRY IF THAT WORD "CR*P" OFFENDED YOU,PLEASE FIND A PLACE IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME.

AS REGARDS THE REJECTED BANNER,FATHER PLEASE REMEMBER THAT I SENT YOU A BANNER WHICH YOU EVEN WROTE ME THAT IT WAS SO FINE,IT WAS AS A RESULT OF THE FIRST ONE THAT PROPELLED MY DOING THE SECOND ONE FOR THE MUSICIANS.

FATHER,PLEASE I WANT TO KNOW IF IT WILL BE LATE BY 2ND OF OCTOBER TO GET THE TASK DONE. WE ARE PRE-OCCUPIED WITH SOME CHURCH ARRANGEMENTS TO MARK NIGERIA'S INDEPENDENCE DAY ON 1ST OCTOBER.

YOURS OBIDIENTLY

BROTHER DONALD

N:B FATHER ,I WOULD LIKE YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A GREAT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE QUALITY OF THINGS IN LONDON AND THAT OF NIGERIA. FOR AN INSTANCE,THE PAINT.





I replied

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, your apology over the use of the word "cr*p" is accepted, thank you!

Yes, the first banner you made for my church was very good, but when it arrived the paint was not still sticky and as such, the paint had not spolied the rest of the banner, I can only assume that you use less thinners in that banner because we could not smell the thinners at all, unlike the banner you sent to the band which had an overwhelming smell on it.

As for waiting until October 2nd, that is acceptable in the circumstances due to Nigerian independence day celebrations, I hope you have a great time during that day! But it is imperative that you complete the task with the book cover as soon as independence day celebrations are finished, the sooner it is done, the sooner we will get our £250,000 donation which will bring us closer to our target, and the sooner you will get your grant and compensation payments.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Not heard back from my lad yet, hope he is not having second thoughts, so I mailed to ask how he was getting on with the task

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

I hope you had a great independence day celebration, Nigeria is a wonderful country.

I have not heard from you for a few days, in your last email, you asked if it would be ok to leave the task until the October 1st celebrations were over, well, it is now October 4th and I have not heard back from you regarding completing the task, I trust that everything is in order and you will be sending the photos with the book covers in an internet cafe very soon?

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





My lad has replied, he though I might scold him , but he will be doing the book covers

DEAR FATHER

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL. ACTUALLY WHY I HAVEN'T MAILED YOU WAS THAT I AM BEING AFRAID OF YOUR SCOLDING ME. MY REASONS ARE THESE:

[1] I HAVE PRINTED A MASTER COPY OF THE BOOK COVER IN A4 BUT WHEN I GOT TO A PRINTING PRESS TO MAKE AT LEAST TEN LARGE COPIES,THEY CHARGED ME 40,000 NAIRA,BECAUSE THEY CHARGE THE SAME FOR 1000 COPIES. IT IS SAME PRICE WHETHER 1000 COPIES OR TWO COPIES.

[2] MOST TIMES WHEN I GIVE YOU EXCUSES LIKE THIS,YOU USUALLY COMPARE LONDON[UK] TO NIGERIA.THINGS AREN'T THE SAME HERE. 40,000 NAIRA IS ABOUT 166.7 POUND STERLING.

BUT FATHER,PLEASE IF YOU CAN ALLOW ME DO IT WITH THE A4 PAPER,THEN I CAN MAKE SURE IT GETS THROUGH IMMEDIATELY AS WELL AS MAKING SURE THE POSTERS APPEAR CLEARLY. THIS IS MY PROBLEM FOR NOW.

LEST I FORGET,I ALSO NEGOTIATED FOR AN A3 TYPE AND THAT WILL COST LESS THAN THE 40,000 NAIRA. THEY CHARGED 15,000 BUT IT WILL BE ONLY TEN COPIES. that will cost him £63, not including the A4 copies :)

THIS IS THE SITUATION REPORT,PLEASE GET BACK TO ME ON THIS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. YOUR BROTHER IN CHRIST

DONALD





I have replied to him with

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, it is lovely to hear from you again, please don't worry about me scolding you, I am not that bad am I?

I can see you are having some problems making very large images due to the costs, so I have asked the author about it, and he says as long as you can get 10 copies in the cheaper A3 sizes that you negotiated, and as many of the normal A4 size photocopies as possible, then that will be totally acceptable for his needs.

I look forward to receiving the photos from you as soon as possible.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





He has replied already

DEAR FATHER

THANK U SO MUCH,I WILL DO THAT DESPITE MY LIMITED RESOURCES.

BUT PLEASE FATHER, I BEG YOU TO COVER ME FROM INCURING OTHER COMMITMENTS BECAUSE OF MY MEAGRE FINANCES. don't worry, you're covered, apart from some expenses you might incur travelling to Chad :)

I HAVE A SICK MOTHER THAT MILKS ME DRY OF MEDICAL BILLS. PLEASE HELP ME. a sick mother huh, think of something original will ya

ALSO AS SOON AS WE GET OUR GRANT AND CONCLUDE THE CRUSADE WE PLANNED EARLIER,I WOULD BEG YOUR CHURCH TO GRANT ME A PERSONAL LOAN OF ABOUT 400 POUNDS TO ENABLE ME REINOVATE MY OLD MOTHER'S LEAKY ROOF. I wouldn't worry about her roof, she will be dead before you get any money from me :)

YOURS OBIDIENTLY

DONALD





I replied, and as had just had my 9000th post on 419eater, I asked him for a favour

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, it goes without saying, that one we have concluded everything, I would be only to happy to make a grant to repair your mother's leaky roof.

I can pretty much assure you that there will be no further financial commitments required from you, but I do have a personal favour to ask of you, a very dear friend of mine in the church has just made his 9000th post to missions around the world, they have mainly been in Africa, but he is currently at a mission in India, and he misses Africa a lot, so whilst you are taking the photos of the book covers, could you please take just one photo, with you all holding a simple sign written on a piece of card or something similar, and written in black felt tip pen, please use these words on the sign

"Congratulations On Your 9000th Post SP"

That will cheer my friend up immensely knowing people in Africa are wishing him well, thank you for your help Brother Donald!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





My lad has replied, the lads were all afraid of the book title LOLOL :)

FATHER

WE FOUND IT DIFFICULT TO GET A CAFE,THEY WERE ALL AFRAID CONSIDERING THE WRITE-UP [SCAM BAITERS LETTERS] .NIGERIA IS FULL OF 419ERS DONALD


He attached these images of the book cover being held by lads in the internet cafe









He has paid out a lot so far, so I just want to try and get some more photos which are cheaper for him to do, and he will hopefully have enough left to pay for his safari when I pay him

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I am not sure the photos are good enough to give to the author, the colours are not very bright on the printed book covers, and you cannot read all of the smaller text clearly, that is probably due to the photocopies only being A3 and A4 size, that is why I wanted them printing as large as possible in the first place, also, I asked you to make sure that the people looked menacing in the photos, those people holding the book covers look very meek and a bit scared, that's not what anyone would expect a scammer to look like!

All I can suggest is this, take all the copies of book covers, stick them all together in rows to make one large image, and have photos taken in various locations where you live in Nigeria, for example, as you probably know, it is common knowledge that scammers use places like Western Union when they are scamming people overseas, and have payments sent there for them to collect, so having photos taken outsite a Western Union office in Nigeria with the book covers would be most excellent as it would add authenticity to the photos, and that would almost certainly be good enough for the author along with the sub standard images from the internet cafe, which he can have the printers merge the images together to make a nice book cover.

Brother Donald, I asked a very personal favour of you in my previous email, concerning a very dear friend of mine who has made his 9000th posting to different missions around the world, he misses Africa a lot, and I wanted you to take just one photo holding a sign with these words written on it

"Congratulations On Your 9000th Post SP"

I was sad to see that you had not sent me that photo sign for him, especially as you were in a position to take the photo when you were in the internet cafe, please do that photo for me as soon as possible.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





My lad has replied to my email asking him to pose outside Western Union office with the images of Shivers book.

DEAR FATHER

ALL WESTERN UNION OFFICES HERE IN NIGERIA ARE IN BANKS AND THEIR SECURITY PERSONNELS WOULDN'T ALLOW SUCH IN AREAS WHICH WE HAVE TRIED. WE EVEN TRIED MONEYGRAM AND ALL WENT SOUR. I SUGGEST WE FACE THE NEW REQUEST ON "Congratulations On Your 9000th Post SP".

YOURS BROTHERLY

DONALD


At least he offers to do my 9000th post photo, I shall think of a reply and mail him back in a few minutes, something needs to be done for the author.




I will see if I can get him to paint Shivs cover, one can only ask huh :)

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, it goes without saying, that it is of the utmost importance that something is done for the author of the book so that we get this urgently needed £250,000 donation from him.

I am very surprised to hear you say that security personel will not allow you to take a photo outside Western Union or MoneyGram, but I can think of a very cheap and viable alternative that I know will be a lot cheaper than actually printing the book covers as you did before.

I have been thinking, and this is my conclusion, as the bright colours are lost when printing the book covers and the text is to small to read properly, it would be far easier to have an artist copy and paint the book cover on a very large canvas, that way, all of the colours will be bright and the text will be clearly readable.

I know African artists are very cheap to hire, because I have seen their paintings for sale on many markets in Nigeria, I have bought several paintings from Nigeria myself, the most expensive of which only cost me the equivalent of £25, one of the other fathers in my church visited Nigeria a couple of months ago and brought me back a huge painting, it measures 4 feet wide by 6 feet high, that only cost him £35 to have it custom made for me, so I know they are extremely cheap to buy in Nigeria, please take the the book cover image I sent to you and visit a local artist and have him paint it at least 4 feet wide by 6 feet high.

As for the 9000th post photo, that is a seperate issue and is merely a personal favour for me, it is nothing to do with the author of the book, thank you for offering to do that for my dear friend!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





I think my lad is just about fed up and skint now :)

DEAR FATHER

WHAT YOU CALL CHEAP IS 25 POUNDS,HERE IT IS 6,000 NAIRA. I HAVE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON THIS GRANT ISSUE AND GOD ALMIGHTY KNOWS THAT I HAVE SHOWN ENOUGH COMMITTMENTS AS WE AGREED.

PLEASE FATHER,I HAVE REACHED MY LIMIT AND CANNOT GO FURTHER.NO BODY THAT WILL SEE HOW FAR WE HAVE GONE THAT WILL DESPISE ME. STARTING FROM THE CLEANSING EXCERSICE WHICH I DID TWICE UP TO THE BOOK COVER. IF THIS IS A WAY TO SUFFER ME,THEN IT IS LEFT FOR GOD TO JUDGE. I AM JUST A BROTHER IN A CHURCH WHICH IS STRIVING TO GROW AND ALL THESE I DID FROM A VERY MEAGRE ALLOWANCE.

PLEASE FATHER,I CANNOT GO FURTHER.

LL MY CHRISTIAN LOVE

BROTHER DONALD PEDRO


It might be time for a mystery benefactor to come along and give us the money we need for the church fund, then I can get my ass over to Chad and hopefully he can come collect his grant from me.





I have replied to my lad, giving him hope of light at the end of the tunnel, I didn't ask him to do any more tasks, I just want him to feel his grant is now getting close, and dropped some cryptic safari hints

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I am very sorry you feel the way you do, I really appreciate all the work you have done to help my church since the fire struck. I am sorry you feel you are suffering at this time, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, you may remember when I told you we had two people who wanted to make donations of £250,000 each, one was the author of the book and you took that task, well the other donator has given us £250,000 today after one of our grantees in Kenya succeeded in finishing the task for him, we have also had some other donations and we are now rapidly approaching our £1.5 million pound target.

We just need another £34,000 to reach our target, then again, we can start making grant payments to grantees such as yourself, I know the road has been a long one, Brother Donald, but there are many long roads to travel in life, and I am sure you will have many more roads to travel through the rest of your life, consider this a crossroads in your life, will you choose the right road on your journey.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





I have had a reply from my lad, despite me not asking him to do anything regarding finishing the task, he is trying to borrow money from a friend to complete it, presumably to have the painting done. He is probably just saying that because he knows we have nearly hit our target for rebuilding the church, and is just holding out until we get the last 30,000 or so quid

DEAR FATHER

I WILL CHOOSE THE RIGHT ROAD IN MY LIFE NOT THE WRONG ONE.

I WILL SEE WHAT I CAN DO,BUT I NEED TO LEND SOME MONEY FROM SOME ONE TO ENABLE ME COMPLETE THE TASK.

ALL MY CHRISTIAN LOVE

BROTHER DONALD





Maybe he is really spurred on by the though of the other £250,000 donation, and wants to complete the task of doing Shiv's cover as a painting, I can only hope

I have sent a short reply praising him and making him feel good

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I must say I am heartened and highly impressed by your very positive attitude to completing the task, I know how hard things must be for you, and if you can borrow money from your friends to complete the painting, I will look very favourably on you when the time comes to receive your grant and compensation payments, what I mean by that is, like you, we have many hundreds of people waiting for their grants, and those who have helped with our fire disaster appeal, will be at the top of my list to receive their payments first!

May God lead you on the road to success in your task.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





It's now October 23rd and I have not heard from the lad since October 11th, I do miss him BWAHAHAHA, probably to fed up with me to reply, so I just sent him an email to see if he's still alive and letting him know his grant will be payable soon

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

I have not heard from you since October 11th, are you ok brother?

We are now very close to reaching our fire disaster target, we only need another £3,214 and we will be at our £1.5 million target, I can then commence payments to people who applied for grants, along with the compensation payments you were promised for the deceased woman, it should only take a few days to get the remaining donations.

Please get in touch with me and let me know how you are.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





He has replied, looks like he is a bit scared of displeasing me with the photos, there was supposed to be a painting of the book cover, but he couldn't get anyone to do it or something, so he made a photoshop of the book cover with some WU and MG stuff under it, sheeeeesh, what a friggin numpty

DEAR FATHER

HOW ARE YOU DOING? I HOPE YOU ARE OKAY.

PLEASE FATHER,I HAVE TO TELL YOU THE TRUST,ONLY TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. EVEN IF MY TELLING THE TRUTH WILL MAKE ME TO LOSE THE GRANT,IT IS BETTER I TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

AS YOU CAN SEE IN THIS PICTURE,I TRIED TO GET AN ARTIST TO MAKE A LARGE PRINT OF THE WESTERN UNION BUT THEY ALL WERE AFRAID OF BEING ARRESTED BY ANY AUTHORITY. THEY REQUESTED AN OPERATIONAL PERMIT FROM ME OR ANY ORDER FROM ANY BANK TO MAKE SUCH.

HERE IN MY COUNTRY,THERELOTS OF 419 GOING ON BOTH INTERNALLY AND EXTERNALLY AND THE SECURITY OPERATIVES WOULD QUESTION ANY INDIVIDUAL CARRYING SUCH THING WITHOUT A PERMIT.

ALL I DID WAS TO TAKE PICTURES OF THEIR SIGN POST [WESTERN UNION AND MONEYGRAM] I THEN COMBINED THEM WITH OTHER POSTERS AS WELL AS A CROSS SECTION OF SOME OF OUR MEMBERS IN A FORMER CRUSADE. THIS PICTURE IS DOCTORED BUT I FEEL IT SHOULD BE OKAY SINCE IT IS FOR A BOOK COVER.

AS REGARDS YOUR PERSONAL REQUEST,I DID THAT WITHOUT HASSLES BUT WHY I HAVEN'T WRITTEN YOU ALL THIS WHILE IS BECAUSE,I NEVER WANTED TO REPORT FAILURE AND HENCE THE DELAY.PLEASE PLEAD MY CAUSE. BELOW IS THE ATTACHED PICS

REMAIN BLESSED FATHER

YOUR BROTHER IN CHRIST

DONALD


And here are the photos, my 9000th post photos are ok :)


But what the hell is this supposed to be LOL :), I would never have guessed it was doctored if he hadn't told me :).







I have sent him a reply, I am being cheeky and asking for a new banner to make up for the lousy book cover photo he sent yesterday, I don't think he has much money left now, but with his grant and compensation being so close, he might do this one last task, fingers crossed :)

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, it is very good to hear from you again, please do not be worried about emailing me if you have not done something correctly, it only serves to cause me more annoyance when I do not hear from you at all for long periods of time, so please keep contstant contact with me.

I am not sure what you mean by this in your email:

"I TRIED TO GET AN ARTIST TO MAKE A LARGE PRINT OF THE WESTERN UNION BUT THEY ALL WERE AFRAID OF BEING ARRESTED BY ANY AUTHORITY"

Brother Donald, I never asked you to get an artist to paint Western Union, the artist was supposed to look at the book cover image I sent to you and then paint the book cover on canvas, that's what artists do, they paint, this has nothing to do with Western Union whatsoever, so I have no idea why you did that doctored image.

The only other thing I asked you to do before, was to take the printed book covers and have your photo taken outside Western Union whilst holding them, but that was some time ago and you said they would not allow it, that is why I asked you to get an artist to paint the book cover instead, so that it would be large, this was obviously to difficult for you to understand despite it being a very easy thing to do, you must have got confused somewhere along the line.

The personal 9000th post photos were ok, I have sent them to my dear friend and he is delighted with them, he as them on his desk, it brings back many happy memories of his time in Africa, thank you for doing those for me.

Never mind, your grant and compensation payments are not in danger because of your poor work this time, but I obviously cannot give that doctored image to the author, he could have done that himself, on this occasion, it was very poor work on your part!

However, there is a way you can redeem yourself, we have someone in the US who is willing to pay us a $5000 donation to have a banner made for him, the US donator is a big American football fan and he wants a banner to hold at football matches, he supports the "Pittsburgh Steelers" football team.

This is what I would like you to do for him, this is a very simple task, and as soon as this task is completed by you, this $5000 donation will take us past our £1.5 million target and I can then make the payments and compensation to you as soon as possible, I have put you at the top of my list for the first payment due to your work so far!

The US donator wants a banner with these exact words written on it in large letters.

"Pittsburgh Steelers"
"Here We Go, Steelers, Here We Go"

Please take a photo of yourself and your friends holding the banner so that I can show the donator to see what he thinks of it.

I have attached an image of some "Pittsburgh Steelers" football players to this email for you to see the colours of their football kit, which are black, yellow/gold and white, so please make sure those colours are used for the banner background colour and the letters. I know you are very good at making banners and I have every confidence in you completing this final task, but please DO NOT use thinners in the paint this time, as you will remember, it caused many problems before with the banner for the band.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





My lad has just sent me an email about the new banner, I hope he is not bullshitting me, I didn't ask him to send it to me, but seeing as he offered I will have to have a word and sort out a US address for Reprob8 to receive it.

DEAR FATHER

THANK YOU VERY MUCH,BUT WHEN I DO THE BANNER,WHERE DO I SEND IT TO.? YOU DID NOT GIVE ME ANY ADDRESS.

YOURS TRULY

BROTHER DONALD





I have sent a reply with the delivery address for the banner to besent to, providing he makes it as promised and he's not blagging

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, sorry, I forgot to include the US donators postal address in my last email, his name is "Vic O'Din", this is his postal address to send the banner to

[address snipped]

Brother Donald, I very much appreciate you making this banner for him, you have done some very good work for my church and you will receive much goodwill for all that you have done. May the lord watch over you and your flock. Please send me a photo of the banner as soon as you have made it, for me to show the donator, thank you once again for all your hard work!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Now November 1st, I have not heard from my lad since his last email on October 26th, I am not too worried, as he often doesn't mail for quite a few days at a time, so I have mailed to ask how the banner is coming along, and just in case he thinks we will reach our fire appeal target without him having to make the banner, I have said we stopped taking donations as we are getting the final needed donation for the banner he is making

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

I have not heard from you for several days now, I was wondering how you were getting on with making the banner?

As Vic O'Din is making the donation for the banner you are making, and that donation will take us past our £1.5 million fire appeal target, we have decided to stop taking any more donations towards the fire appeal, so we are still short of our target, and will only receive the final donation to reach our target once the banner is completed, I can then make the long awaited grants and compensation payments to you, please give me an update on the banner, thank you.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Got a reply from him already, he says his mother has died and he is a long way from home at the moment, I told you she would die before he gets a penny from me :). he says the banner is probably ready and he will send it next Monday :)

DEAR FATHER

I AM VSORRY FOR THE DELAY. THE TRUTH IS THAT I GAVE THE BANNER WITH THE MANUSCRIPT TO THE ARTIST AND EVENTUALLY THAT VERY DAY,I WAS TOLD THAT MY MOTHER , WAS IN A STATE OF COMA. I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT SHE WAS SICK BEFORE NOW .THEN SHE GAVE UP THE GHOST ON THE 30TH OF OCTOBER.

I HAVE BEEN IN THE VILLAGE TRYING TO RUN AROUND FOR THE BURIAL WHICH TODAY WE SLATED FOR THE 11TH OF NOVEMBER.

I AM THE FIRST SON OF THE FAMILY AND AS A RESULT HAS TO HEAD MOST OF THE MEETINGS.

I ASSUME THAT THE BANNER MUST HAVE BEEN MADE BY THE ARTIST LONG TIME AGO BUT I AM OVER 600 KILOMETERS FROM LAGOS.

PLEASE,IF THE VIC O' DIN CAN UNDERSTAND THIS SITUATION,I WILL BE IN TOWN BY MONDAY NEXT WEEK AND I WILL COLLECT THE BANNER.

IT IS THE SAME ARTIST THAT IS GOING TO PRINT OUR MOURNING T-SHIRTS.

I WAS EXPECTING TO SEE YOUR VARIOUS MAILS IN MY BOX TODAY BUT WAS GLAD THAT YOU JUST WROTE ME TODAY WHEN I AM OPPURTUNED TO CHECK MY MAIL.

PLEASE,MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU....AMEN

YOURS OBIDIENTLY

BROTHER DONALD





I didn't reply to his email on Wednesday about his mother death, he sent me another short email today, to which I have replied

DEAR FATHER

I AM STILL WITH YOU BUT I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM YOU SINCE I WROTE TO YOU ABOUT MY MOTHER'S DEMISE.

YOURS TRULY

BROTHER DONALD





I wonder if he will get the passing wind bit :)

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, sorry for not replying to you sooner, I was away on church business yesterday, I had my laptop with me, but it develloped a fault and I could not access the internet.

I am now back at my office and have just learned of your mothers passing, please let me tell you how deeply sorry I am to hear this saddening news, I trust that as the head of the family you are bearing up well?

We have a very old belief in the UK, when you feel the wind on you, many people say that the passing wind is like the soul of the departed passing through you and excorcising the demons within, so whenever you feel like passing wind, you will feel good knowing that demons have been expelled and your loved ones are passing by.

I have chatted with Vic O'Din on messenger, he has been made aware of your mothers death, and he fully understands that you will not be back home until next Monday, he is fine with that arrangement and asked me to pass his heartfelt condolences to you.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





It's 7 days on and still no word from my lad, he said he was hoping to get back to me by Monday, sent him a reminder, no doubt he will say he has been busy with funeral arrangements

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

In your last email, you said you would be back at your home by Monday this week to get the banner and the mourning t-shirts from the printers, that was 4 days ago and I have still not heard anything from you.

I am aware that it is your mothers funeral tomorrow (November 11th), but it would have been nice of you to have at least given me an update during the week concerning the banners progress!

I hope all goes well with the funeral service, may your mother rest in peace, God rest her soul.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





It's 2 days on from my last email and there is a reply from my lad this morning, the Steelers banner will be sent to the US on Wednesday :), hopefully, he will take a photo before he sends it, if not, Reprob8 said he would take some photos when he receives it.

DEAR FATHER

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERNS,PLEASE I COULDN'T GO FOR THE T-SHIRTS MYSELF AND AS A RESULT I DIDN'T SEND THE BANNER BUT I WILL BE BACK FULLY ON THIS WEDNESDAY AND WILL BE SENDING THE BANNERS SAME DAY.

PLEASE BEAR WITH ME.

YOURS OBIDIENTLY

BROTHER DONALD





I was expecting photos of the banner tomorrow, but I have received an email from laddy today, says he is not back yet, so he got the artist to send the banner, he used normal postal mail , we have to wait a bit now

DEAR FATHER

HOW ARE YOU?,IT HAS BEEN SOMETIME NOW.

PLEASE FATHER,IT APPEARS THAT I WOULDN'T MAKE IT THIS THURSDAY AS A RESULT OF SOME POST BURIAL ARRANGEMENTS.

HENCE I HAVE INSTRUCTED THE BANNER MAKER TO HELP ME SEND THE BANNER TO VIC O'DIN TO AVOID FURTHER DELAY IN REACHING THE APPEAL FUND TARGET BECAUSE IT APPEARS THAT I AM THE ONE HOLDING DOWN ISSUES.

I GAVE HIM THE INFORMATIONS VIA TEXT MESSAGE WHICH HE CONFIRMED THAT HE HAS SENT IT YESTERDAY BY ORDINARY REGISTERED POSTAL MAIL BECAUSE OF FINANCES. I reckon what he means is, he is a bit skint and can't afford to take photos, and he's saying the artist sent it because he doesn't have enough to pay for a couriers, oh well, I wont receive the banner he will have to get the artist to make another one, it's the artists fault after all for using postal mail

FROM HIS CALCULATIONS,IT SHOULD GET TO THE RECIPIENT ON OR BEFORE WEDNESDAY NEXT WEEK.

PLEASE BEAR WITH ME FOR ANY INCONVINIENCES THIS MIGHT COST YOU.

YOUR EVER LOYAL BROTHER AND BOY <<< LOL @ and boy

BROTHER DONALD





It's November 22nd, the lad sent me these short emails on the 19th and 21st, I have ignored him since my last email to him.

DEAR FATHER

I JUST WANT TO WRITE YOU BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME. THOUGH WE STILL AWAIT THE DELIVERY REPORT ON THE BANNER, NEVERTHELESS I SHOULDN'T RELENT ON CONTACTING YOU.

REMAIN EVER FAITHFUL IN THE LORD .....AMEN

YOURS BROTHER DONALD





And this one.

DEAR FATHER

HOW ARE YOU? I HAVE WRITTEN YOU SEVERALLY WITHOUT A REPLY,ARE YOU OK? HAS VIC O'DIN RECEIVED THE BANNER?

PLEASE A LINE FROM YOU WILL KEEP ME POSTED.

ALL MY CHRISTIAN LOVE

BROTHER DONALD





I sent an email to him today to explain why I have not been in touch, it's not far fetched is it ROFLLLLLL :)

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, sorry for not replying to you last email, the reason for that is because I had a little accident, I was inspecting the building work in the church, the builders had taken their lunch break and one of them left a banana skin on the floor, I slipped on it and banged my head on the corner of the altar, I suffered a mild concussion, I could hear a ringing sound in my ears that sounded like bells ringing, so I thought I might have suffered percussion.

Because I was alone in the church at the time of my accident, and was very confused due to the concussion, I got to my feet, only to collapse again, and when I fell, I landed on the end of a pew, this made the other end of the pew go up in the air, unfortunately, the builders had left some small gas bottles on the pew, as a result of my fall, they flew up in to the air and landed in a tank of acid that the builders used to clean all the brass fittings after the fire, of course, being acid, it eroded the casing of one of the gas bottles, and when the gas mixed with the acid, it caused a fireball to erupt towards the roof of the church, just then, one of the builders came back from his lunch break and saw the fire and saw me unconscious, he said, it was like a scene from hell with all the flames, he quickly extinguished the flames with a hose pipe, there was only a slight bit of fire damage, which will cost about £6000 to repair, but it could have been a lot worse, he phoned an ambulance for me, I was taken to hospital and kept in for several days to be monitored, thankfully, I am now back to normal.

With regards to the banner, I chatted with Vic O'Din on messenger this morning, and he informs me that the banner has not arrived yet. Becasue the artist sent it via normail postal mail, there is no telling when it might arrive and no way to track it, we will just have to cross our fingers and hope that it arrives sooner, rather than later, it really should have been sent by courier.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





It's the next day, he replies, and he accepted my email about the accident with the banana above :), he thinks the banner should have arrived by now, he did tell me previously that it should arrive by this Friday, so with a bit of luck, it will get to Reprob8 between today and Saturday.

DEAR FATHER

I AM SO SORRY FOR THE MISHAP. WE THANK GOD THAT THE DAMAGES WERE NOT MUCH AND YOU ARE BACK AGAIN. WE ALSO PRAY THAT YOU ALL SHOULD APPLY EXTRA CAUTION .BE SAFETY CAUTIOUS FROM NOW ON,THINGS DON'T JUST HAPPEN,IT WAS DUE TO SOME UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES.

I BELIEVE THE BANNER SHOULD GET TO VIC O'DIN BY NOW.

YOUR BROTHER

DONALD





I have not mailed my lad since November 22nd, now the 27th. got an email from him today saying he got mad at his post office asking about the banner. I wil send Reprob8 a PM and ask if it's arrived yet, it might have been delivered over the weekend. If not, I will tell laddy it's still not received, and blame him for getting the artist to send it via normal postal mail, he will just have to make the banner again and send it by courier to make sure it arrives.

DEAR FATHER

PLEASE,I WOULD LIKE TO GET INFORMED IF VIC O' DIN HAS RECEIVED THE PARCEL.

I WENT TO THE POST OFFICE THIS MORNING TO ENQUIRE IF THERE IS ANY CLUE TO THE PARCEL AND THEY SAID THAT I MUST HAVE BEEN DELIVERED BECAUSE I WAS MAD AT THEM.

THEY EVEN SAID THAT I SHOULD CALL VIC O' DIN TO CONFIRM THEIR STAND.

PLEASE GET ME POSTED,AND ALSO LET ME KNOW WHEN TO SUPPLY YOU WITH THE INFORMATIONS BY WHICH YOU CAN SEND ME MY GRANT AND THE LATE WOMAN'S COMPENSATION.

YOURS TRULY

BROTHER DONALD





Reprob8 replied to my PM, the banner has not arrived yet, he tells me it is Thanksgiving Holiday in the states, which might affect postal deliveries, so I have let my lad know this.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I have chatted with Vic O'Din on messenger today, and he tells me that the banner has not yet arrived, although he did say that there is a backlog of mail and other express deliveries because of the Thanksgiving Holiday's in the US at the moment, so it might be delivered once they clear the postal backlog, that's if it even left Africa at all, because many packages are stolen whilst going through the African postal service.

As I have mentioned to you before, sending things from Africa via normal postal mail is like taking your life in your hands, we have had so many packages from Africa not turn up in the UK, some have arrived with ripped and damaged packages where the items were either lost or stolen, other packages have taken as long as 2 months to arrive after being sent, that is why I prefer people such as yourself to always use a courier rather than postal mail, it is a lot safer and a lot quicker!

If for any reason the banner got lost or stolen in the African postal system, you can blame the artist for sending it via postal mail, it will be all his fault, and he should be made to replace the banner for you free of charge by making you a replacement one, you can then send it via courier to assure delivery.

You are now very close to getting your grant and the deceased womans compensation, all that is holding us up is delivery of the banner, but if it has not arrived by November 30th, then I think we can safely assume it has been lost or stolen and you will need to get the replacement banner made.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





He has just replied straight away to my email, pleading poverty blah blah blah I have had a rethink about Chad, and Father O'Hanxxx might decide to do a runner with the £1.5 million fire disaster fund, I will contact him as one of my other priest characters telling what has happened and take it from there, I might need to hide out in Africa, maybe he can help :).

DEAR FATHER

I HOPE YOU REMEMBER THE CIRCUMSTANCES LEADING TO THE ARTIST HELPING ME IN SENDING THE BANNER,I WOULDN'T ASK HIM TO REPLACE THE BANNER. IT IS PAYING FOR GOODWILL WITH A BADWILL.

MORE OVER,I HAVE REACHED MY LIMIT IN FINANCES AND I DO NOT HAVE ANY OTHER MONEY TO SPONSOR ANY BANNER LET ALONE PAYING FOR ANY COURIER .

REMEMBER THAT I JUST CAME FROM A BURIAL AND I HAD TO USE MY LAND INHERITANCE TO BORROW MONEY FOR THE BURIAL. IN AFRICA,BURIAL CEREMONIES COST A LOT.

ALSO REMEMBER THAT THIS LAST BANNER,YOU POLITELY ASKED ME TO JUST HELP OPUT WITH THIS.

I KNOW THAT THE BANNER WILL BE DELIVERED EVEN IF IT MEANS AFTER NOVEMBER 30. ALL WE NEED DO IS JUST EXCERSICE SOME PATIENCE.

BUT IF NEED BE,I SUGGEST YOU HELP ME BY GIVING THIS LAST TASK TO OTHER GRANTEES WHO ARE BETTER OFF FINANCIALLY THAN ME.

ALL MY CHRISTIAN WISHES

BROTHER DONALD





Lets see what he says to this email, this is the lead up to me doing a runner with the £1.5 million :)

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, yes, I do remember the circumstances leading to the artist helping you by sending the banner, it's just that the artist has caused all this delay with sending it via postal mail, and now you say you do not have the funds to send a new banner by courier, nor the guts to ask the artist to make you a new banner.

I have just spoken to my Bishop about you, and we had an arguement, I told him how much work you have done and that you should be helped financially to enable you to complete the task, but he is adamant that you will only be paid your grant and compensation once the donators banner arrives in the US.

I told the Bishop that he is a bloody fool and that's when argument ensued, I got very anrgy with him and I threatened to leave the church, I threw a bible at him and he threatened to have me excommunicated by the Pope for my insolence, I told him to do what he wants and to go and stick his bloody head where the sun does not shine, he then threw his sceptre at me, luckily I moved out of the way, I am fleet of foot and faster than a cat when I want to be, the sceptre was not damaged, right now, I am very disillusioned with my church, I am also very angry with my church, damn it, I hate them all with their holier than thou attitudes, I am going to leave the church, they can all go to hell, bastards!!!!!!!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Got a reply from my lad concerning my argument with my Bishop, and me possibly leaving the church, can he feel his money slipping away if I leave :)

DEAR FATHER

PLEASE CONQUER YOUR ANGER AS A MAN OF GOD.

IT SEEMS THE WHOLE WORLD HAS SANK ON ME WHEN I READ YOUR LETTER,CHECK OUT THOSE WHO HAVE PUT SO MUCH INTO THIS AND ALSO WHO LOST THEIR LIVES. WHAT WILL BE OUR FATE WHEN YOU LEAVE.

I DO NOT WANT TO SHOW OUR CHURCH REVEREND THIS MAIL BECAUSE HE WILL COMPILE ALL THE MAILS WE EXCHANGED AND PUBLISH IT IN JOURNALS AND THIS MIGHT TARNISH THE IMAGE OF THE CHURCH OF Gxxxxxxx. ahhh, the old veiled threat of blackmail trick

PLEASE RECONSIDER US AND RECONCILE WITH YOUR BISHOP.

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY OTHER THAN TO BROKER PEACE.

YOURS TRULY IN CHRIST

BROTHER DONALD





I just sent him this

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I have tried to curb my anger towards the Bishop and my church, but I am finding it a real struggle, it doesn't help that I have started drinking heavily again recently, I often go to the church cellar to steal bottles of communion wine, which I take to my room and get drunk on, you see Brother Donald, I have a very dark past that drives me to drink and makes my anger rage.

Before entering the priesthood, I was a Royal Marine Commando on active service overseas for a short time, I have seen many people killed in war, and I myself have killed over 300 men, my favourite method of killing was by coming up behind an enemy soldier on sentry duty and strangling them to death with a garrotte, I am also fully trained in hand to hand combat, I am a black belt in karate and kung fu, I can kill with a single punch to the right pressure point on a persons body, I was taugh the secrets of kung fu by the Shaolin monks whom I stayed with after leaving the Royal Marines.

So, as you can imagine, I have a lot of anger inside me after the things I have seen and done, I have always had a big anger problem, even 3 years ago, I was on my way home from doing shopping when 3 men tried to rob me, 2 of them ended up dead and the other one was in a coma for 6 months, thankfully, the court accepted my defence that I was acting in self defence, and I was acquitted of all murder and assault charges I faced.

I received an email from his emminence the Pope today, my church reported me to the Vatican over the incident with my Bishop, the Pope has ordered that I have to appear before a disciplinary panel in 2 weeks time, at that point, they may excommunicate me from the church for good, but I don't give a shit any more, so I sent the Pope an email and told him to eat shit and die, and I told him he looks stupid in that big hat he wears on special occasions, it makes him look like a clown, all he needs is a big red nose and he will look like crusty the clown, saying that to him is guaranteed to get me kicked out of the church.

I also don't like you making veiled blackmail threats by saying that your Reverend will publish in journals to tarnish the image of the church of goodwill, to be honest, I do not give a shit what is said about this church, it is of no consequence to me at the moment and will not affect me in the slightest, but don't ever use blackmail towards me personally, it will be the last thing you ever do, do you understand me, Brother Donald!!!

Because I am going to be kicked out of the church, I have decided to take all of the £1.5 million pounds fire disaster appeal money and run away with it, I still have full access to the church bank accounts, I have worked all these years for the church with no pay, so I am taking the money and classing it as money owed to me as leaving pay, the church wants to mess with me, so I will mess with it, I will get back to you when I have taken the money and left the country, I do feel sorry for you because you have been through a lot when you were doing the tasks for me, so I feel I owe you for that at least, and will make sure you get your money as you rightfully deserve, everyone else can go to hell, the church can deal with their demands!

It goes without saying that you are not to mention any of this to anyone at my church, otherwise they will remove my access to the bank accounts, so please keep quiet about it and you will get your money.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





WTF, does this lad have a conscience, doesn't want the grant if I steal the money blah blah blah, although he does end his email by saying DO NOT EXCOMMUNICATE ME BECAUSE OF THIS ADVICE,I FEEL GETTING IN TOUCH WITH ME AFTER ALL THESE WILL BE INVIGORATING, yeah, knowing I have £1.5 million will surely be invigorating to him.

DEAR FATHER

I AM SHOCKED AT THE WAY THINGS ARE TURNING OUT. THOUGH I AM NOT IN YOUR PRIESTHOOD OR NEITHER AM I A REVEREND FATHER BUT FROM MY LITTLE UNDERSTANDING,I BELIEVE A REVEREND FATHER TOOK A VOW TO GOD AND NOT TO MAN.

I HAVE TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,I WOULD SUGGEST YOU DO NOT VENTURE TOUCHING THE 1.5 MILLION POUNDS OR ANY OF THEIR MONEY EVEN IF IT MEANS CANCELING MY GRANT,THE BIBLE REJECTS SUCH.

MOREOVER I DO NOT THINK "Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar" WILL BE GLAD THAT THINGS HAVE TURNED OUT THIS WAY.

DEAR FATHER,PLEASE,PLEASE AND PLEASE,I BEG YOU IN JESUS NAME,DO NOT GO BACK TO YOUR FORMER LIFE STYLE,REMEMBER THAT YOUR ALLEGIANCE IS TO GOD AND SO DON'T ALLOW ANY MAN TO ALTER IT.

PLEASE FATHER,DO NOT BE MAD AT ME ON THIS ADVICE BUT I HAVE TO SAY IT,YOU WENT TO FAR BY REPLYING WITH HARSH WORDS TO HIS MOST EMINENCE[THE POPE]. THAT WAS TOO EXTREME.

DEAR FATHER, I AM NOT SAYING ALL THESE BECAUSE OF THE GRANT THOUGH I REALLY NEED IT BUT JUST FOR PEACE TO PREVAIL.

AS BROTHER IN THE CHURCH,I AM A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN. LOTS OF CHURCHES THESE DAYS JUST ORDAIN PASTORS ANY HOW BUT MY CHURCH DOES NOT DO SUCH,IF NOT I WOULD HAVE BEEN A PASTOR. WE BELIEVE THAT PRIESTHOOD IS BORNE OUT OF GOD'S CALL AND NOT JUST SOME ONE WAKING UP ONE MORNING WITHOUT A JOB AND THE NEXT ALTERNATIVE IS TO OPEN A CHURCH.

IN OTHER WORDS,PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT BROKERING PEACE.

I AM NOT GOING TO REPORT TO ANY OF YOUR CHURCH MEMBERS BUT I WOULDN'T THINK OF ACCEPTING THE GRANT FROM YOU IF YOU EVENTUALLY SUCCEED IN TAKING THE MONEY FROM THE CHURCH COFFERS.

DO NOT EXCOMMUNICATE ME BECAUSE OF THIS ADVICE,I FEEL GETTING IN TOUCH WITH ME AFTER ALL THESE WILL BE INVIGORATING.

GET BACK TO ME ON THIS.

ALL MY CHRISTIAN LOVE

BROTHER DONALD





I have had a slight change of plan, instead of running with the money, I have got the Pope involved instead , I will be playing the part of the Pope, I am going to try and get a card for the lad deck project, depends on how he takes the Pope's orders :)

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, and thank you for your kind words, I have been agonising over these issues with my church, and also the issue with his emminence, the Pope, what I emailed to him may have been extreme, but it was the way I was feeling at the time, I had also drank a couple of bottles of wine, and upon sobering up, I do regret the email I sent to him, I feel it is too late to reverse my actions, unless you could email the Pope and try to talk him around into letting me stay in the church.

As I told you some time ago, I have known the Pope for many years before he even became Pope, I have stayed with him at the Vatican on many occasions, but I really don't feel like mailing him at the moment due to things I have said, perhaps you would like to do me the honour of having a word with him if I give you his personal Yahoo email address, would you do that for me, Brother Donald, please?

It goes without saying, that you are NOT to give this email address to anybody else, I do not wish for him to have his address made public, and then spammers start sending him all types of viagra spam etc, that would not be acceptable at all, this is his personal email address for you to email him:

popesyahooaddresslol@yahoo.com

He knows all about my past in the armed services, and he knows very well that I have a drink and anger problem, infact, I shouldn't really tell you this, but in 1984, a long time before he became Pope, I visited him in Germany and I had a little bit too much to drink one evening, he was telling me that I would not become anything in the church, and that he was so much better than me and everyone else, that resulted in me getting angry, Benedict told me to shut up and calm down, well nobody talks to me like that, and in my anger, I gave him a round house kick to the side of his head, he was unconscious for about 10 minutes, but he finally came around and seemed to be ok, he had an x-ray that showed I had fractured his jawbone, but still we remained friends after that, you only see the public side of him on TV and at official engagements, but let me tell you, he is such an annoying and arrogant person in real life when you sit down and chat with him, so be careful what you say to him, but do plead my case well with him, tell him whatever you think is good to say.

I still think my Bishop is an arsehole, and that will not change, if he angers me again, I will tear his fucking head off.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Well, that worked like a charm, I, as Pope Benedict, have just received this email from Donald :), love some of the things he says :), I will leave it until tomorrow to reply to him, I need to make an official looking html email with my Papal coat of arms and stuff on it.

Subject: I AM VERY LOYAL TO YOU.

HIS MOST EMINENCE,MY LORD,

HOW DO I START TO ADDRESS YOU TO SHOW HOW LOYAL I AM TO YOU.

I AM EVEN KNEELING DOWN WHILE WRITING THIS MAIL. WTF, kneeling down writing his email LOL

I AM BROTHER DONALD Pxxxx OF THE HOLYxxxx CHURCH IN NIGERIA AND I AM ONE OF THE SOON TO BE BENEFICIARIES OF THE GRANTS FROM THE CHURCH OF GOOD WILL.

MY HANDS ARE SHAKY AS I AM WRITING THIS MAIL AND AS A RESULT I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO START. oh come on, it's only the Pope you are emailing :)

ALL I HAVE TO PLEAD IS FOR YOU TO FORGIVE FATHER Axxxxx O'Hxxxxx FOR HIS EXCESSES. I PLEAD ON HIS BEHALF .I ASK MARY EVER VIRGIN TO PRAY FOR HIM AND JESUS CHRIST THE SON OF GOD TO FORGIVE HIM.

PLEASE YOUR FORGIVING HIM WILL DO WE GRANTEES A LOT OF GOOD.

YOURS OBIDIENTLY AND SINCERELY

BROTHER DONALD PEDRO

FROM NIGERIA





The Pope has sent Donald an email :)

Dearest faithful subject, Donald,

From the tone of your email, you are asking me to forgive Father O'Hanxxx for the things he has said, and indeed done to both his Bishop and myself?

Are you aware of what Father O'H is really like? I have known him for an extremely long time, whilst he is mostly good, he also has an evil streak, at times, he acts like the devil incarnate, he has deep seated problems that he needs to deal with, and he has a terrible violent streak, drinking does not help his problems, it makes them worse.

I don't know how much he has told you about himself, but I could tell you many stories of the things he has done, for instance, did you know that he once attacked me and put me in hospital? He has the ability to be a very angry and violent man, and when he drinks, there is no stopping him from doing things that he might later regret.

I will give you another example of his anger and violence, approximately 25 years ago, he was sharing a room with me in a hotel whilst we were both attending a religious seminar in Italy, in the evening after the seminar, we decided to play the card game called poker to pass the time, Father O'Hanxxx decided he wanted a drink and ordered a bottle of vodka from room service, I was not happy about that as I know how he can become after a drink.

Anyway, we played cards and the evening was enjoyable, then all of a sudden, he accused me of cheating at cards, he demanded to look up my sleaves to see if I was hiding cards up there, but there were none there, he took my hand of cards off me, tore them up, threw them in my face, puched me in the stomach and face, he broke 3 of my teeth and broke 2 of my ribs, that is the violent sort of man Father O'Hanxxx is, and you expect me to forgive him for his recent excesses?

All these years later, he has still not apologised to me over the poker incident, I would not have minded being accused of cheating had I been cheating, but I wasn't, I did have a good hand of cards when he accused me.

I have still got the torn cards from my hand that Father O'Hanxxx tore up and threw in my face, I kept them as a reminder, the cards I had were the "queen of diamonds", "queen of hearts", "queen of clubs", "jack of clubs", and the "10 of diamonds", I told him that the poker game would come back to haunt him one day, and so it has, you should ask him to apologise to me for calling me a cheat and ask him to hold my 5 cards up as a sign of his apology to me, I may then forgive him for the things he has said to me recently.

One other thing Donald, please do not kneel down to type when sending me an email, I am a mere man like you, the only difference is that I am the head of the church and hold a high ranking title, and please do not email me using all capital letters, it is considered bad manners to type in all capitals.

Please tell me more about your church in Nigeria, I would like to know all about you, what position do you hold in the church?

Prayers & blessing to you,

Pope Benedict XVI.


Donald should now email Father O'Hanxxx and tell him to hold the cards up to apologise, of course, I will refuse to apologise to an ass like Benedict, and ask Donald to make the 5 cards and hold them, which he should do if he has any respect for the Pope, then again, he is skint, but it is for the Pope after all , if not, I will tell the Pope of Donald's refusal to do it, Donald's church may face trouble from the Pope over it.





Lads are so predicatable :), he just mailed Father O'Hanxxx, the Pope told him not to write in all caps, so he is now writing with the first letter of each word capitalised :), he forwarded me the Pope email I sent to him and this is Donalds's email to me.

DEAR FATHER

This Is A Copy Of The Pope's Reply To Me.

I Have Not Replied again To Him,Probably Because I Need To Seek Your Consent. Please Father, Can You Do As He Just Said Because I Can See That He Still Has A Forgiving Portion In His Mind For You.

He Also Warned Me To Stop Using Capital Letters while Writing Him,That It Conotes Bad Manners,I Never Knew About This Before.

Please Father ,Get Back To Me As Soon As Possible So That I Can Reply His Mail.

Yours Brotherly In Christ

Donald





Father O'Hanxxx has replied to Donald with

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I see the Pope is still whining about the poker game all those years ago, if he thinks I am going to apologise to him and hold pictures of the torn cards up in a sign for him, he can go and take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut, the Pope is a miserable little bastard and I hate him.

I know damn well he was cheating at cards that night, but I can't prove how he did it, he is an expert card player and he also does card tricks, so I just know he was cheating somehow, he kept on getting poker hands with 4 aces, or 4 kings, or 4 jacks, that is not luck, that is cheating, so tell him to stick his cheating head up his cheating arse, I will not hold up his 5 poker cards on a photo or say sorry to him, if someone else wants to do that with the cards they can, but I will not, it's up to you what you want to reply to him, and you don't need my permission to reply to him each time you mail him!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





I received a couple of emails from my lad today, both to me and the Pope, where he tells the Pope all about his church etc, as I have said before, I might have stopped this bait a long time go, if not for the fact that I sent my lad an A.S.E.M to make sure he was a scammer and he replied asking me to change the payment details to a different name, and then someone with a different email address with the same IP adressas him offered me a £400,000 payment for our fire disaster appeal, which would have been a fakey cheque or asking me to send courier fees, so at that point, they dug their hole even deeper.

This was his email to the Pope this morning, he sent me a copy of it as well

His Eminence My Lord,

Let me start by telling you about my church.

My church is the xxxxxxxx church and it is a Pentecostal church, it was founded by reverend pastor fxxxx dxxxxxxs in 2003. We are just a congregation trying to survive . Presently we have a population of about 234 members and we are yet to get a permanent site.the structure we have presently is built with about twenty bundles of galvanized roofing sheets both the body and roof.

I am just a pronounced member of the church,I oversee the choir activities and most times when the reverend or his wife is not available,I can hold the service on their behalf until they arrive.

People within my terrain always take me to be an auxiliary pastor but I am not. We believe that reverence must be GOD ALMIGHTY’S calling which I have not been called to be frank with you.

As a result of financial incapabilities,I started scouting for grants via the internet with the permission of my general overseer reverend fxxxx Dxxxxx.

Then I came across the church of gxxxxxxx and I applied for a grant of 2000 pounds. Then I was told that my grant will be given me only if I will show enough commitments.Actually,our main reasons for the grant then was to chase and destroy a deity in my remote village that is believed to be eating up pregnant women feotus.and at this juncture,Father o’h said that we must undergo a cleansing process before we can go into that spiritual warfare.In The process of doing this,we were attacked and many got injured and unfortunately a church sister lost her life. This which we did two times because the first one was substandard. Father Said That the Church Will compensate The Family of the deceased to the tune of 3000 pounds due to their continous arresting and rearresting me.

After this,we did all They requested of us as A Preriquisite to getting our grant ,then paradventure,The Church fire Disaster came In At The Point Of My Getting My Grant.

At This Point we started doing all they asked us to do in order to help them realize the estimated 1.5 million pounds to repair the church. All these we did until the money was reached and when Father Approached The Bishop On behalf of Our Grant And Compensation,Hence This Problem Ensued Which Even led To Father Using Harsh Words On You.

Please My Lord Most Eminent. Please Have Mercy Upon me. Atleast My Grant Can Be Canceled But The Compensation Of The deceased woman’s Family Is Paramount.She Is From The same Village With Me And Her Kins men and Relative Will Be On My neck If The Compensation as promised Do not come.

Your Everly Faithful and Loyal Servant

Brother Donald





He sent this to Father O'Hanxxx, the Pope will ask him about the playing cards later, and Father O'Hanxxx will ask him to make them.

Dear Father,

I can remember sometime in one of my mails where I used The word "crap",You Almost God Infuriated At Me But Know I am so Surprised In The Manner Which You Use Vulger Words Like "fuck!Fuck!! Arse!!!.

Please Father,Calm Down. When Two Elephants Are Fighting{you and The Pope} It Is The Grasses That Suffer It Most{we The Grantees}

I Have Suffered So Much to get this Grant Both Expences Since May this Year When I applied. What Shall Be My Fate?

I Will Be Glad If You Let Me Know. I Am Going To Ask The POPE Also What Our Fate Will Be Especially The Deceased Woman"s Compensation.

Best Regards

Brother Donald





Neither Father O'Hanxxx or the Pope have replied to laddy since the other day, so laddy sent me a short email today

Dear Father,

I hope Every thing is Ok? I Was Expecting your Mail The Day Before Yesterday as Well as Yesterday.

His Eminence Has Not Even Replied My Mail To Him.

Best Regards

From Brother Donald





I have now replied to him as Father O'Hanxxx, and also forwarded it to the Pope at the same time for him to see what I have asked the lad to do, this will be hard for him to wriggle out of now that the Pope knows about what has been asked of him, will he do it, lets see how loyal he is to the Pope

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, sorry for not replying sooner, I have been very busy with a backlog of church work that has built up recently.

I think the reason the Pope has not replied to you is because he may also be busy, I saw him on television yesterday, he is currently in Turkey visiting a moslem mosque, so that may explain him not replying to you yet.

I have had an idea, you know that I will not bow down by taking a photo holding up his torn playing cards, but maybe, to clear the air between us, you might like to act as a go-between, so if you would be willing to take the photos on my behalf and send them to the Pope, that would certainly clear the air between us and he would accept that as an apology from me.

I see you forwarded me his email with the list of his torn cards, so all you would have to do is make some copies of these cards:

queen of diamonds
queen of hearts
queen of clubs
jack of clubs
10 of diamonds

Obviously, because he is the Pope and head of the church, and because he is an amateur magician who does card tricks and has a great interest in playing cards, they will need to be more than just a photocopy of a playing card, so you will have to do something quite special instead, I have attached 2 images to this email of different "queen of hearts" to give you some ideas of what to do.

One of the images shows a queen of hearts surrounded by the other playing cards from the deck, the other image shows a woman wearing a queen of hearts card, I would like you to combine the 2 together, so make a large white piece of card like the woman is wearing in one of the images, and on it, paint a large queen of hearts surrounded by all the other playing cards in the deck, you can stick the playing cards around the edge with some glue.

Make one large card for each of the 5 cards the Pope wants listed above, remember to use red paint for the "diamonds" and "hearts" and black paint for the "clubs", then wear the card like the woman does and send the photos to the Pope, it would also help if you or whoever wears the cards will be dresses like a queen, that will be sure to clear my name with the Pope, and I am sure that the Pope will think very highly of you for doing it, it will be of great benefit to your church, the Pope is a very powerful man, and he can make good things happen for you and your church, I have forwarded this email to the Pope so that he can see what I have asked you to do for him, please don't let me and the Pope down, Brother Donald, than you again for helping me and the Pope to be at peace again!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.


I attached these 2 images to give him an idea of what I want doing


I was thinking of a ritual ceremony, well you know how when they vote in a new Pope, everyone wathces the chimney of the vatican to see the smoke turn from black smoke to white smoke, I might tell him that people think that means the Pope has been chosen, as it does, but there will be twist in there somewhere, and he will have to replicate the ritual that people don't see





The Pope has emailed the lad, I rambled on a bit about nothing much, boosting his ego a bit, offered him a job at the Vatican working for me, if he accepts, he will no doubt ask for money to travel, but everyone knows that all prospective employees have to get to the Vatican under their own steam, it is viewed by us as a pilgrimage , told him I am looking forward to seeing the cards Father O'Hanxxx wants him to make blah blah blah

Dearest faithful subject, Donald,

Please accept my apologies for my lateness in replying to your email, as Father O'H correctly pointed out in the email to you that he forwarded to me, I have been visiting a mosque in Turkey and other official duties, but now find the time to write to you.

After reading Father O'H's email and his request made to you, if you were to make the playing cards and take photographs of yourself or others wearing them, I would be most willing to accept his apology on your behalf.

By making those playing cards for me, you are showing me what great loyalty you have towards me and the church.

I read your last email with both happiness and sadness, happy that you are making the most of what you have got in Nigeria, and at the same time, sad that you are struggling to worship in a temporary shelter for a church made from steel sheeting, the Lord will provide for those that help themselves, and the ability and fortitude you have shown will reap you many rewards, not only in heaven, but also in your time on earth.

I can see that you do a lot of work for your church, what with overseeing the choir and holding services, you truly are a man of great resource and a credit to your church, not to mention all the work you have carried out for the Church of G's fire appeal, I am very impressed with your work and whole attitude, I truly wish there were more people like you.

Have you ever thought of working in the church overseas? I currently have a number of job vacancies at the Vatican, one of which is a job as my personal assistant, the job would entail you travelling all over the world with me to my official engagements, you would be responsible for preparing my official dress, acting as my press secretary, dealing with the the press, including magazine, newspaper and television reporters where you would issue press releases to them, you would liaise with church officials to work out my daily schedule, and many other daily tasks.

Should you be interested in a job working for me, I would be most happy to offer you employment, the salary is generous, you would attend many state functions with me, and I would also make sure that your church in Nigeria is very well looked after, I think it is time you had proper church premises in which to worship and I can take care of that for you, please do let me know your thoughts about working for me.

I look forward to seeing the playing cards that you make, I see that Father O'H told you that I am an amateur magician, that is correct, I have been practicing card tricks since I was a child and I always carry a pack of cards with me no matter where I go. Let me tell you a short funny story, shortly after I was ordained as Pope, I visited England and attended Buckingham Palace to meet with Her Majesty the Queen, when it was time to meet her, I entered the room and bowed before her, as I did, a pack of cards fell from one of the inner pockets of my official dress and landed on the floor in front of her, the Queen laughed and asked if I always carried cards, I told her that I did.

She aksed if I would like to play a card game called bridge later in the evening, and we agreed to play, I don't know if you know much about the Queen, but she likes to gamble, she owns many racehorses which she bets on, and she asked if I wanted to play cards for money, I did not wish to offend her because of who she is, so we played cards for money and I won £500 off her, it was quite funny taking money from the Queen, she handed me ten £50 notes, and of course, her face is on all English bank notes, so I asked her to sign one of the £50 notes for me, can you imagine how much that bank note with her signature would be worth if I ever wanted to auction it on E-Bay? I asked a valuer at London auction house, Sothebys, to value it for me, and he told me it would be worth approximately £500,000 at auction because it is so rare, I would never sell it, I keep it in a nice frame on my bedside table and smile when I look at it.

Prayers & blessing to you,

Pope Benedict XVI.





The Pope got a reply, he sent it to Father O'H and I thought he had sent it to me by mistake, but he had CC'd it to me, he's asking the Pope to get Father O'H to give him £30 to make the cards

His Eminence,My lord,

I am So Willing To Hold up The Cards As An Apology On behalf Of Father O'Hanxxx But Due To some Financial Constraints Accrued From The Onset Of My Applying For Grant As Well as My Mother's Recent Burial, I Would Need A Little Financial Support From Father Hanxxx. Only 30 Pounds Will Help Me Do This. You Can Talk To Him If He Really Trusts Me And Feels For My Suffering All These Months,Then A Token Of 30 pounds Will Clear The Air.

His Eminence, As regards Your Offer of a job in your office, I would Highly appreciate It But I Am Not Too Good In Other Languages Other Than The English Language. that's good, we all speak English, so it's a start

Please I Need A Little Financial Support To Put Me Back On Track.

Your Faithfully

Brother Donald





The Pope has replied

Dearest faithful subject, Donald,

Good afternoon to you, in respect of the job I offered you, the fact that you only speak English does not exclude you from doing the job, staff in the Vatican are from all over the world, everyone speaks in English because it's a universal language, your written English is also excellent, so you need not worry about languages, this could be a very good job for you and your church.

Whilst I understand your current financial predicament, I am not allowed to intervene in the business between yourself and Father O'H, even if I were on good terms with him, he would probably ignore my email, I'm sure you know how obstinate he can be at the best of times, and of course, I myself am not allowed to help you financially at this juncture, to make something that is essentially being made for me.

Donald, you are a man who has shown great resourcefulness, I am very confident in your ability to find the £30 you require to make the playing cards that Father O'H has requested, this is a great test of your inner strength and loyalty to myself and the church, I know you are fuelled with the desire to succeed.

If I was in your position, I would try a number of things to raise money, for instance, you have over 200 people who are members of your church, you could organise a raffle where they all buy a ticket ad you can give a small prize, or ask them to make cakes to sell in the market to raise the funds, there are many things you can do, how about sponsored praying, they can sponsor you for the number of hours you spend praying, the longer you pray, the more you raise per hour, these are just some ideas for you to consider.

Prayers & blessing to you,

Pope Benedict XVI.





The Steelers banner for Reprob8 has arrived in the US :) Unfortunately, Reprob8 tells me my lad has made a serious error on it , he will post pictures when he finishes work in about 5 hours time.

If it's a spelling error, he can blame the artist and have him do it again, git.

This is the error:

Pittsburgh Steelsrs
Here we go Steelers
Here we go

The artist put an S instead of an E in the first Steelers, what a frickin dumbass GRRRRRRR

Here is the banner on the ceiling of reprob8's Steelers room







Neither Father O'Hanxxx or the Pope have heard from my lad for a few days, I just sent him an email from Father O'Hanxxx asking for an update on the cards, no doubt he will reply saying money is a problem or he has given up

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, again, I can only apologise for not not getting back to you sooner, this has been due to the huge backlog of church work, and the ongoing building work, plus we have had a major problem with our email database, I have now repaired it, which is a relief.

I received the last email that the Pope sent to you, where he offered you some suggestions on how to get the £30 you need, by means such as making cakes, having raffles or sponsored prayers etc, all of which are good ideas for raising funds, so I was just wondering how you are getting on with the task of making the cards for the Pope, are they in progress?

I know the Pope is a man of little patience, he hates to be kept waiting, I expect he has been nice to you so far and you probably have not seen his other side, he can be quite demanding, especially when it comes to things like playing cards, so I hope you are making good progress on making them as I directed with the reference images that I sent to you, please let me have an update.

Thank you, Brother Donald, for all of your work, it is very much appreciated by all in the church, you reap what you sow, you have sowed a lot, and so shall you reap your rewards in the end!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





I hate this lad at times, well, all of the time , if he can't or wont do something, he just doesn't bother emailing, twat , now his church members are not sure if I am genuine , the cheek of it.

Dear Father,

It Is Quite Unfortunate That All Of The Church Members Refused . They Were Like Saying That Am I Sure If You Are Genuine?

I Have Tried All I Can But To No Avail,I Do Not Know How To Tell The Pope This, So I Kept Mum.

As It Stands Father,I Cannot Do This.

All My Christian Love

Brother Donald





My reply to him from Father O'Hanxxx

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, again, I am very shocked and angry to hear you say that you and your church members think I may not be genuine, do you honestly think I would spend all of these months emailing you if I was not genuine?

I have better things to do than emailing people for the hell of it, I am flabbergasted by your suggestion that I am ungenuine, I have never been spoken to like that before, I demand a handwritten apology from you on behalf of your church members.

I shudder to think what the Pope will have to say about this, I have heard that he has already told people that you are making the cards for him, everyone in the Vatican knows about it, and now you say you can't or wont do it for him.

I have told you before how nasty he can be, it wouldn't surprise me if he went out of his way to have you church closed down and have your Pastors/Priests and Bishops excommunicated from the church, he will surely be very angry with you and your church members, I would hate to be in your shoes, Brother Donald, I emplore you to make the cards for him, not only for your sake, but also for the sake of your church, the spirit of Fohr-Un-Ein-Eetar is also stirring, this is not good, not good at all, all sorts of terrible things could be unleasehed upon your church and village people, please do something for your own sakes!!!!!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Received a very short reply from my lad

Dear Father,

There Is Nothing i Can Do At This point,I Am Helpless and Handicapped you will be handicapped if you don't pay the deceased womans family :). God knows.

Brother Donald


I wonder if he will change his tune about accepting money from me if I do a runner with the £1.5 milion, his neck is on the block after all.





He's at the end of his rope now :), I just mailed him and said the Steelers banner arrived yesterday, that should perk him up a bit and let him think he will get his grant, unfortunately, the next paragraph should piss him off again when I mention the mistakes and it was thrown in the bin :), lets see if he suggests I steal the church money if he is really desperate, he said he wouldn't accept it before, but if his neck is on the block over the womans compensation, you never know

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I am very disheartend to hear you talk like this, you sound very negative, does your church have no faith in you after all that you have done? This is a very sorry state of affairs, and I really don't know what to do next.

I do sort of have some good news about the banner you sent to the states for the Steelers fan and church donator, the banner arrived yesterday and he has sent me a photo of it last night, he has a special room in his house where he keeps all of his Pittsburgh Steelers memorabilia, you can see that he put the banner on the ceiling to show where he was going to display it.

But as you can see, there are 2 major problems with the banner, the artist made a ghastly mistake in the first line of text on the banner, he was supposed to write "Steelers", but instead, he incorrectly wrote "Steelsrs", he put an "S" instead of an "E", how could he make a mistake like that, he spelt the other Steelers word correctly underneath it, is the artist blind or just very stupid? I have sent you the photo as an attachment to see the errors for yourself and for you to show the artist his shoddy work.

He also missed off the closed " text character from the end of the second row of text, you should have very stern words with him, you paid him for his work, he didn't do it properly, therefore, you should demand that he makes a new banner and also pays for the postage to resend it to the USA, it is all his fault, he calls himself an artist, yet he cannot spell correctly, as artists go, he is fucking useless, tell him to give up art join the circus, he is a stupid clown!

Also, I asked that the banner be done in the Steelers colours of orange/yellow with black, white and gold text, but it is a plain white banner with some black and a brown looking colour for the text, please make sure he makes the banner using the correct colours next time.

The donator told me he has taken the banner down and thrown it in the bin, there is no way he can use it with spelling mistakes on it like that. So that was a total waste of time and money getting that clown of an artist to do it, this is the sort of thing that happens when you get a small boy to do a mans job.

Donald, what is going to happen if you do not make the playing cards for the Pope, you will not get your grant or compensation and you will be unable to pay the deceased womans family their money, what will happen to you when they hear you have no money for them? I hope nothing bad will happen to you.

You really must try to make the playing cards, that is your only avenue out of this mess, and I will be kicked out of my church if the Pope does not get them, so I will be unable to help you, the only way I can help you is if I run away with the £1.5 million fire appeal money, then we will both be happy with plenty of money, because I will give you money to pay the womans compensation and your grant amount payout, what should I do?

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





True to form, the lad tells me to steal the money from my church and run with it so that he can have his grant and the womans compensation :), now it is time for Father O'Hanxxx to run with the money, and head to Africa, sadly, I know a lot of people in Nigeria, and they have been told to keep an eye out for me along with the police, so he will have to come and collect the money from me, that's if he can scrape enough cash together to travel, maybe he can borrow a car or steal one would be more his style.

Dear Father,

Since I Am Helpless This Time Around And Without The Deceased Woman's Compensation,i will be sunk.

A goat does not Bite But when Pushed To The wall,It Can. great, biting goats now, plenty more walls for him to be pushed to yet

I suggest You run with The Money[1.5 Million Pounds] So that I Can Get My Grant.

Yours sincerely

Brother Donald





It's now December 13th, I have not replied to Donald's email on the 10th where he told me to run with the money, it's time to tell him of my plan to steal my church's money and get him on safari, I told him I was going to Sudan, that will give me the excuse to go over the border to Chad, saying there are too many rebels in Sudan who might rob me and I don't feel safe there with all that money, I have to get this fucker to travel, I hate him so much after the last 7 months baiting him.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I am making plans to run with the £1.5 million pounds, I have a cunning plan to enable me to leave the country carrying that much money.

I am not sure if you are aware, but nobody can just carry £1.5 million pounds out of the country without questions being asked, it is not allowed, but this is my cunning plan.

As I am a priest of a church that does a lot of refugee work overseas, my church gets special dispensation from the UK Goverment to take large sums of cash overseas to help refugees, I can fill a form out that allows me to transfer large sums of money with me while I travel, I will state on the form that I am taking the money to Africa on behalf of my church to help the refugees in Sudan, I have been to Sudan with over £1 million pounds in the past, so I know it will not be a problem to leave with the money.

I have already been to the bank to withdraw the £1.5 million pounds, but rather than a security van bringing the money from the bank to my church, I have asked the bank to transfer it directly to the airport via security van for them to keep in the airport security vault, I will be leaving the UK on on Friday December 15th to fly to Africa and the £1.5 million will be with me in the cargo hold of my flight, please email me before I leave, I will then email you again once I reach Africa and let you know the rest of my plan, it goes without saying, you are NOT to mention this money or my plans to anyone in my church, or that bastard the Pope, if you do, I will be arrested and you will not get your grant or compensation money, it is paramount that you keep quite about everything!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





I have no idea how my lad is going to travel, he is absolutely skint, he will have to borrow money from someone if he can, his neck is on the block now, he desperately needs to pay the money to the family of the woman who he says died, I can't send him any, as you know, there is no WU where I am in Chad and it's too dangerous for me to travel elsewhere.

My lad has replied about not telling anyone about me running with the money, short and sweet.

Dear Father,

You Have My words, No Body Hears It.

Regards

Brother Donald





Now December 19th, I was supposed to travel to Africa on the 15th, but I thought I would let him sweat a bit longer before getting his money.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Sorry for not getting back to you sooner, something very important came up, my church decided to do an accounts audit on Sunday, so I had no choice but to stay here and get rid off all the church computer records regarding the withdrawal of the £1.5 million pounds, thankfully, all is well and they do not know the money is missing from the account, as a result of this problem, I was unable to fly to Africa on Friday December 15th.

I had to change my flight arrangement and travel to Africa yesterday (December 18th) instead, I am now in Sudan, but it is very dangerous here, there are too many rebels in Sudan who might rob me and I don't feel safe here with all this money in the trunk box, for obvious reasons, I cannot bank the £1.5 million, it would raise a lot of suspicion if people knew I had that much money and it was going in to a bank rather than being spent on supplies for refugees.

It will be a lot safer for me over the boder in Chad, I will travel there today to a place called Abeche, it's in the east of Chad, it's not far from the Sudan border, whilst it will be safer there, a lot of people in Chad know me well, so I will have to hide out until you contact me via email, I have bought a new laptop computer with a satellite connection so that I can remain in constant contact with you, get back to me as soon as you receive this email.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.


He will more than likely ask me to travel to Nigeria, but it's too dangerous for me to do that, plus the Nigerian border guards will probably steal all the money, I am praying that he will travel to me, and if he gets to Abeche, I will tell him some people I know saw me there and I had to flee to Eritrea, only another 400 or so miles further north east, he will probably scupper my plans by saying he is skint and can't travel, bastard, but I will offer him a flight back, paid for out of the money.

[edit]

Actually, Abeche to Eritrea is a lot futher than I thought, maybe about 800 miles away. I will think of a closer destination to flee to.





My lad has emailed me, and as predicted, he asks me to go to Nigeria, saying it's safer.

Dear Father,

I Thank God For Journey Mercies.

Chad Is A Border Town From Nigeria,It Won't Take You Much To Get Into Nigeria. Nigeria Is Even Safer Than Chad Because Chad Is Predominantly Muslims.

Your Brother

Donald





I have replied to Donald with this

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I have now reached Abeche in Chad, but I cannot move from where I am located here, don't worry, all is well, I am in a safe house owned by a very old friend who I used to be in the army with, he married an African woman after leaving the army and they live here now, he would never give me up to the police or anyone else, he knows me to well.

I told him that I stole the money from my church, he is not surprised by that, and it does not bother him that I did that, after leaving the army, he worked for a while in some African states as a paid mercinary, he has looted a lot of money from people while doing that and he understands my reasons for doing it, all I can do is stay holed up here until the dust settles, which might take several months.

It is far to dangerous for me to travel to Nigeria, there are too many people in Chad who know who I am, and I have had an email today from another Father in my Church, he is asking what I am doing and asking about the fire disaster appeal money, he said he knows I am in Africa because the police told my church they had checked passport control and saw I took a flight to Africa, so it's a good job I moved to Abeche today. Apparently, the Bishop needed to make a payment to the builders working on the church, but when they went to the bank to withdraw some money, the bank told them that I had already withdrawn the whole £1.5 million, the police in the UK have been notified about the theft and there is now a warrant out for my arrest.

So you can see my position, Brother Donald, if I move from here in Abeche, I will probably be arrested on my travels or at the border, the border guards will have been notified about me, so I am stuck here, if I get arrested you will not get your money, so can you please come here to collect the money that I owe you, it goes without saying that I will make it very worth your while to come here, I will give you an extra £10,000 for your trouble and pay your travel expenses, plus I will need you to do me a big favour, if I give you another £100,000, will you take that money back to Nigeria and buy a house for me there where I can hide away and enjoy my money, I know £100,000 will buy a huge house in Nigeria, I would also like a swimming pool and a games room with a pool and snooker table in it, could you do that for me please, Brother Donald?

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.


Next, it will be, can you send me the money to travel there [insert rolling eyes icon here :)]





Got a reply, it's not what I wanted to hear GRRRRRR, can't see this twat travelling at all now, but I will persevere anyway

Dear Father,

I CANNOT COME TO CHAD. NOTHING CAN TAKE ME TO CHAD.I THINK YOUR FRIEND WHO IS A FREE MAN CAN HELP YOU OUT WITH SUCH HUGE MONEY.

TELL HIM TO HELP YOU MAKE SOME MONEY TRANSFERS,HE WILL DO IT.

YOUR BROTHER

DONALD





Unfortunately for Donald, there are no Western Unions in this part of Chad, and in any case, my army friend is banned from WU for previous money laundering activities, I replied

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, by not being able to come here to Chad to collect the money, you are causing immense problems for yourself, as I have stated, I cannot go anywhere due to the warrant out for my arrest, if I am seen, I will be arrested.

Yes, my friend is a free man, but he cannot make any money transfers to you, for example, I told you he had looted a lot of money when he was a mercinary, he used to transfer that money to various contacts to launder it, as a result, he is banned from Western Union for his money laundering activities, he was convicted in court of money laundering and he spent 2 years in jail for it. In any case, I have looked on the Western Union website and there are no Western Union outlets in this area of Chad, the nearest one is a long way from here, it's in a town in Chad near the Nigerian border, and there is no way to get there from here, I am stuck here, the only option is for you to collect the money from me in Chad, otherwise my hands are tied and I cannot do anything for you, what do you suggest.

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





Hmmmm, has he changed his mind after reading my last email and decided to travel to Chad, all of a sudden he wants to be in contact via text message from now on, does he mean like whilst he is travelling to Chad. Or does he want a local Chad mobile phone number to make sure I am in Chad, anyway.

DEAR FATHER,

THEN YOU GIVE ME YOUR FULL CONTACT. PHONE NUMBER OF THE PERSON NEAREST TO YOU,I CAN SEND YOU TEXT MESSAGES OR YOU CAN SEND ME TEXT MESSAGES TO MY PHONE,IT DOES NOT COST ANYTHING. 234-803-xxx-xxxx.

I NEED TO BE CONTACTING YOU VIA TXT MESSAGES FROM NOW ON.

REGARDS

BROTHER DONALD





I replied to him, gave him my UK mobile number and told him it's a satellite phone from the UK.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, I have a brand new satellite mobile phone with me that I bought in the UK at the same time as I bought this new laptop computer, you can use that number for sending text messages to me, this is the number:

+447947-xxxxxx

Although I can't see why you want to text me from now on, why can't you just email me as you are doing now?

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.


And I await his reply, he will probably ask for a Chad number, which I can't give him, my friend does not wish to be implicated in the theft and his calls could be traced, much safer using my satellite phone to avoid being traced to my hideout location.

How much will it cost for me to send a SMS text message from the UK to Nigeria? Or will I be charged to receive his texts?





I was hoping to not use this card until a lot later, but as he is not replying to my emails or text messages, I have no choice but to write to him as the Pope again now, there is a reward for information leading to the arrest of Father O'Hanxxx

Dearest faithful subject, Donald,

Good afternoon to you, I have not heard from you in quite some time, how is everything with you?

I need some information from you, I don't know if you are aware or not, but Father O'H has stolen a large amount of money from his church and absconded with it, the money amounts to one and a half million pounds, has Father O'H been in touch with you lately?

We do know that he travelled to Africa, but from there, the trail has gone cold, we have no idea where he is located now, I was just wondering if he had made contact with you or told you his whereabouts?

The police are involved and a warrant has been issued for his arrest in the UK, along with an international arrest warrant issued by Interpol, as there is such a large amount of money involved in the theft, we need to find him before he spends it.

There is a substantial reward being offered by the church for any information tht leads to the arrest of Father O'H and recovery of the money, the reward is 10% of the one and a half million pounds, this is much needed church money and the church wants it back, please tell me anything you know about Father O'Hanxxx

Prayers & blessing to you,

Pope Benedict XVI.





Father O'Hanxxx receives a very short email from the lad, he says

DEAR FATHER,

I AM BACK ON-LINE.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

BROTHER DONALD


Awwwww, bless his little cotton socks, he never replied to any of the SMS text messages I sent him, but now that he is back online, time to start working him again towards coming to my hideout in Chad to collect his cash. He has not yet replied to the Pope who asked him if he knew where Father O'Hanxxx was. And to think, I was going to post on this topic earlier on saying the bait is now dead after not hearing from him for so long, this is now month 8 of baiting this lad, not sure how much more there will be, but it's nice to see some life left in the dog at least :)





Sent him a reply

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your email, where the bloody hell have you been? I sent you text messages as you requsted, but never once did I receive any text messages from you in reply, why are you messing me about like this, you know my situation here where I am hiding out, you are not helping matters by not replying to my texts, why have you not been online for ages?

Are you coming to collect your money, I cannot move from here and cannot get anyone to send it to you, nobody will get involved because the money is stolen, even my ex army friend will not touch the money, he doesn't want to get kicked out of Africa, we need to work something out and fast!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.


He did say before he would never go to Chad, I want to know if he still feels the same way, or has his need for the money overtaken his desire not to travel.





Reply from my lad, it looked promising when he was talking about the house I want to buy in Nigeria, then I got to the last paragraph, bastard lads GRRRRRR

DEAR FATHER,

I REPLIED ALL YOUR TEXT MESSAGES,THE PROBLEM IS THAT YOU ARE IN AFRICA AND THE NUMBER YOU GAVE ME IS A LONDON NUMBER. I TRIED CALLING THE NUMBER BUT IT KEPT ON SAYING SOMETHING THAT MEANS A VOICE MAIL FROM A T-MOBILE SERVICE.

I HAVE NEGOTIATED FOR THE TYPE OF HOUSE YOU SAID YOU ARE LOOKING FOR TO BUY WITH SWIMMING POOL FACILITIES AND IT WILL COST YOU ABOUT 215,000 POUNDS ASKING PRICE. (sweet, that's just what I need, must ask for some photos from the estate agents :)

FATHER,THERE IS NO WAY I CAN COME TO CHAD TO COLLECT THE MONEY BUT IF THERE IS NO OTHER WAY YOU CAN FIGURE OUT,THEN I SUGGEST WE FORGET IT,I HAVE HANDED EVERYTHING OVER TO GOD ALMIGHTY. IF ALL MY EFFORTS SHOULD BE IN VAIN,LET IT BE. like i'm bothered, I'm not a priest any more LOL :)

BROTHER DONALD


All I can think of is to leave my hideout and travel to Nigeria so it's closer to where he is, gotta get a small safari out of this somehow. I wasn't planning on going right in to Nigeria, he might travel to N'Djamena on the Nigerian side of the border, my last safari to Chad had the lad going through the border from Nigeria in to N'Djamena, I think this lad is mostly worried about Chad being a muslim country, he mentioned that before, and the prospect of being robbed on his travels, as well as money to get there, I will try the border angle when I reply to him.





Now January 17th 2007, It's been 9 days since I last heard from this lad, I didn't reply to his email at that time, until now, the reason I have not contacted him is because I was travelling to Nigeria, lets see if he is any more willing to help now that I am inside Nigeria

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Sorry for not replying to you sooner, the police had a tip off that I was hiding at my friends house in Chad, luckily, we were forewarned of the police raid, so I had to vacate the premises very fast, my friend gave me the address of one of his friends who lives in Nigeria and who said I could hide at his house for a while, I have been travelling there to the new safehouse during the nights, and hiding during the day by digging a hole in the ground and covering it with brush to conceal myself, it has been a terrible journey for me, I am very tired and my body is sore from sleeping in the holes, this is not good for a man of my age to have to do this, and you could have helped me greatly by coming to Chad to collect your money, my new safehouse is just over the Chad border in Nigeria, it's in a town just inside the Nigerian border, in a place called "Baga".

Do you know this place in Nigeria called, Baga? And more importantly, can you come here to collect your money and to help me, please, my healt is failing, I am not used to having to live life on the run at my age, and the hot weather is killing me, please Brother Donald, I am pleading with you to help me before my body gives up completely, I can't travel any further, I need to rest now, I am so very very tired, please, please, get back to me soon!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





He must be busy scamming in the cafe, got a reply straight away, he's asking me to take a flight to his state in Nigeria

DEAR FATHER,

I AM VERY SORRY FOR ALL THESE STRESS YOU ARE PASSING THROUGH.

SINCE YOU ARE IN NIGERIA,HERE IS MY COUNTRY AND I CAN GIVE YOU THE BEST PROTECTION YOU NEED. THERE IS NO NEED SUFFERING YOURSELF OVER THERE IN BAGA TOWN,ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS JUST BUNDLE WHATEVER YOU HAVE AND SNEAK INTO A BUS THAT CAN TAKE YOU TO THE NEAREST AIRPORT AND TAKE A FLIGHT TO IMO STATE AIRPORT IN OWERRI. WHEN YOU LAND AT THE AIRPORT,THEN YOU CALL ME ON MY MOBILE PHONE 080377xxxxx.

SINCE YOU ARE IN NIGERIA,YOU HAVE NO PROBLEMS,BUT BE EXTRA CAREFUL OF INFORMANTS AND HOODLUMS.

IF YOU CAN ONLY OBEY ME ON THIS INSTRUCTION,YOU WILL BE FINE.

YOURS OBIDIENTLY

BROTHER DONALD





I have replied.

Dear Brother Donald Pedro,

Thank you for your very fast reply, but there is no way I can move from here, you yourself mention hoodlums and informants, that is another reason I will not leave this house until you get here to help me get out of here. Donald, I am a tired and broken man, I have even thought about ending my life while I have been travelling, I am so depressed, the same suicide thoughts keep entering my head, such as kill myself, and before I die, call the police and tell them where I am with the money so that the church gets all of it back, I really need help from you, I will give you whatever you want, Donald, just help me, please, I am pleading with you to rescue me from this place and bring me to where you live so I can buy a big house, you can even bring your family to live in the house with me so you can live well, I will look after you all, JUST HELP ME FOR GODS SAKE, can you drive to where I am and collect me?

There must be someone you can borrow a car from, I will even buy them a new car for them if they lend a car to you to get here, I will give anything, anything at all, I don't trust anyone here and I can't sneak out to use any airports, they will want to see ID and the police will know where I am hiding, plus it is very hard now that I am in a town, I am white and I stick out like a sore thumb, I can't sneak about, I have to stay hidden in the cellar of the house, you have got to help me, Donald!!!

Blessings,

Father O'Hanxxx.





He's not going for it, he wants the person who's safe house I am in to phone him using a Nigerian phone number to prove I am in Nigeria , so I guess that's the bait over now :(, unless I can find someone in Nigeria to phone him up, maybe I could send a PM to an eater member, who I believe is going to Nigeria very soon, wonder if he make a call from there to laddy, hmmm, he even suggest I send most of the money back to my church and he will give up his grant.

Dear Father,

If You Really Want Me To Help You,Then You Must Have To Do as I Say Without Which I Am Not Going To Help You. Do Not Tell Me That You cannot do This Because You Eat To stay Alive,You Go To Toilet Also.This Means That Some one Is Helping You Out There.

So Just Tell The Person To Call Me On Phone So That I Can see The Nigerian Exchange Number On My Phone,With This I Will Believe That You Are Actually Telling The Truth. May 24th Will Make It One Full Year I Applied For This Grant And Since Then It Has Been all about Stories.

If Actually You Sneaked Into Nigeria From Chad,Then That Means You Must Be In BORNO STATE Which Is A Two Day Journey From Imo-State Where I Am Staying Right Now. I have Not Gone Back to Lagos. So If You Really Need My Assistance,Then Do As I Have Said. BUT I HAVE TO GIVE YOU MY PROMISE THAT I WILL PROTECT YOU TO THE LAST LETTER AND NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU. TRUST ME.

I Also Suggest That When You Get Settled,You Better Send Back Atleast 1.3 Million Pounds Back To The Church Of Gxxxxxxx. With 200,000 Pounds,Here In Nigeria,You Can Start Up A Business That Will Be A Life String. I Can Even Forfeit The Grant Of 2,000 pounds For Now Until You stand.But The 3,000 Pounds Of Death Compensation Is Paramount.

I Will Be Waiting For The Call.

Your Brother In Christ

Brother Donald





I sent a PM to an eater member who is going to Nigerian this weekend, but I don't think he has logged in to read it, and another member in Nigeria is away on holiday at the moment so he can't phone the lad from Nigeria for me either until 9 days time, so I will have to try and blag it until then, my lad mailed me again today saying we need to be in contact faster all of a sudden.

Dear Father,

I Feel at This Point and Situation,We Must Be Communicating Each Other As Fast As Possible.

I Need To Hear From You.

Brother Donald


He obviously wants a phone call from a Nigerian number to confirm I am in Nigeria, bastard GRRRRR





Now February 6th 2007, I have had no contact with this lad since January 20th, just this morning I was thinking about mailing him to burn him, come lunchtime, I receive a short email from him

DEAR FATHER,

I AM BOTHERED ABOUT YOUR WHEREABOUT ,IT SEEMS YOU ARE NOT OK. I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM YOU FOR A LONG TIME NOW.

WHERE ARE YOU PRESENTLY? HAVE YOU RELOCATED?PLEASE A WORD FROM YOU WILL MAKE ME FINE.

YOUR BROTHER IN CHRIST

BROTHER DONALD


An eater member did offer to make a call to my lad from a Nigerian phone number, that was supposed to happen around January 28th, but I have not contacted the member about it yet. Let me have a think and then I will decide what to do. Maybe still try and get the phonecall made, or else I could answer his email in ladspeak, tell him we have Father O'Hanxxx here and he is very ill blah blah blah, then try for the phonecall, maybe he will travel to get his money then.





It's February 8th 2007, I have changed my mind about the Nigerian phone call, instead, I have contacted him as a different priest from the Church Of Gxxxxxxx , saying he was the victim of an email hoax, this way I can burn him without him even knowing it, and hopefully, at the same time, rebait him with this priest character, asking if he still wants a grant, I hope he replies

To whom it may concern,

This is an urgent warning.

This email has been sent to the people on the list below, all of whom think they are getting a grant from the Church of Gxxxxxxx, but who are, in reality, the victims of a serious email hoax by a deranged mental patient.

xxxxx@yahoo.co.uk, xxxxx@yahoo.com, xxxxx@yahoo.co.uk, xxxxx@yahoo.com, xxxxx@excite.com, xxxxx@yahoo.com, xxxxx@yahoo.ie, xxxxx@yahoo.com

only one of those was my lads addy, the rest are all my baiting addies, apart from one fake Mariam Abacha addy

If your email address is listed above, then you have been the victim of a hoaxer.

I am Father Arthur Dxxx of the Church of Gxxxxxxx in the UK, it has come to our attention, that one of the mental patients from the local mental hospital, who is employed here to clean our church and it's grounds, has been illegally accessing the church computer database, and has been emailing people who had emailed the church applying for a grant, it appears that he has been in communication with the 8 people listed above over the course of the last year.

Apart from communicating with these people, the man has been asking them to complete certain tasks, such as banner making and performing cleansing ceremonies, he may also have told you that the Church of Gxxxxxxx was destroyed by fire and that we were trying to raise funds for a fire appeal, did he ask you to make a donation?

Nothing could be further from the truth, there has never been a fire at our church, these were all the ramblings of a mentally deranged man, if you were in contact with him, please inform me as soon as possible so that I can collect details to pass on to the police, in the meantime, you will be glad to hear that the man is now locked up in the secure ward of the mental hospital, so he will not be contacting you again.

Yours Sincerely,

Father A Dxxx.





Sadly, I never got a reply to my last email, I never heard from the lad again, he was a lot of fun while while it lasted, I wasted a lot of his time and money and I really miss his emails :), I know some other baiters are baiting him, so he is being well looked after :)

I started baiting him on May 24th 2006, the bait ended on February 8th 2007





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