mainlogo2

TITLE: The Tale of The Painted Breast
SCAMMER NAME: Prince Joe Eboh
SCAMMER LOCATION: Lagos, Nigeria
MISC: None
SCAMBAITER: Shiver Metimbers

PAGE TWO

 

[Pay day! The cash arrives - I need some thinking time so I give Joe an excuse to wait 24 hours for my reply]

From: Father Mike Myers
To: Prince Joe Eboh

Dear brother Joe,

Good afternoon sir, and I hope this letter finds you in exquisite health?

My name is Father Mike Myers and I have been given a message to pass on to you by my friend Father Hector Barnett. Father Hector is at home today, but he has telephoned me to inform you that the parcel you sent to him has been received, and he sends his thanks. I am sorry but I was not told the contents of the parcel, but of course you will already know what that is.

Anyway, Father Hector will be back with us tomorrow morning (Tuesday) and has promised to contact you immediately on his arrival. Apparently he has some further business with you.

Please take care,

Father Mike Myers.

[The cash will of course be donated to a local charity]

 

 

[A happy (for now) Joe immediately emails Father Hector to praise him for staying home all day!]

From: Prince Joe Eboh
Date: Monday, May 24, 2004 3:40 PM
Subject: Re: Password: Pappa's Got a Brand New Bag

Dear Father Hector,

I received your reply through Father Mike. He made me to understand that you have received my percel, Thanks be to God almighty whom we serve. I want to also thank you for making it a point of duty to remain at home for the sake of the percel. God bless you Amen.

I hope to read your mail soon.

Brothe Joe Eboh

 

 

[More delaying tactics...]

From: Father Hector Barnett
To: Prince Joe Eboh

Dear brother Joe,

God bless you my little mucker and how are you this glorious day?

My apologies for the late reply but we had a small accident at the church this morning. I am afraid we have had an infestation of Tribbles, and we called in the Pest Patrol people to try to remove the infestation. Unfortunately Ted, the pest patrol guy, decided to gas the Tribbles, and in the front yard of the church he got himself into his Chemical Protection Suit (CPS).

Well, as you know, here in the UK we are very wary of terrorism after our part in CRUSHING the rebel alliance in Iraq. Sadly, when the pest patrol man put on his chemical suit it created mayhem in our street. People thought there was a real chemical attack in progress. Someone mistakenly called the Police and anti-terrorism squad and the whole street was sealed off for several hours this morning. The pest control man was dragged away by the police and we have not seen or heard from him again. One officer told me that they would give Ted, "a good seeing to", so I presume that means they will be checking his credentials. It was a very troubling experience.

Because of this I have been unable to get to the processing department of our financial division, and I will be delayed until tomorrow morning. My apologies over this brother Eboh, but I will arrange the payment first thing tomorrow morning and I shall email you as soon as I have withdrawn the cashola.

Blessings,

Father Hector.

 

 

[Seems like there may be some trouble at the church]

From: Father Mike Myers
To: Prince Joe Eboh

Dear brother Eboh,

Please can you contact me as soon as possible? Will you please let me know the last date that Father Hector communicated with you?

This morning Father Hector withdrew $18,000.00 from our Donation Fund, and we have not had any contact with him since. We are very worried about our brother and we are contacting everybody who has recently made contact with him.

Please contact me ASAP when you receive this email.

Thank you,

Father Mike Myers.

 

 

[Joe seems to ignore Father Mike's email and sends a message to the now missing Father Hector]

From: Prince Joe Eboh
Date: Thursday, May 27, 2004 10:15 AM
Subject: Re: Password: Pappa's Got a Brand New Bag (very urgent)

Dear Father Hector,

Blessings to you in Jesus name Amen. Thank God you were able to arrest the situation that plagued your church environment. I thank God also for the pest control guy that did the Job.

I have been expecting your mail at least to know if there is a good development. I have just been informed by the ministry of finance that the fund has been moved to the Apex Bank in Holland. The only thing that impedes the release of this fund to your account is the Certificate of Incorporation and that is where the money I requested of you plays an important role.

Please, contact me as urgently as possible so that I will know what is happening.

Thanks for your cooperation.

Brother Joe Eboh.

 

 

[Father Mike Myers sends another appeal to Joe]

From: Father Mike Myers
To: Prince Joe Eboh

Dear brother Prince Joe Eboh,

Sir, please can you tell me if you received my email of yesterday (26/05)? We are getting very worried about the sudden disappearance of brother Hector Barnett. I know that he was in communications with you and that he withdrew $18,000.00 on your behalf.

I would appreciate it very much if you would contact me to let me know if you have made any contact with father Hector in the last 48 hours.

Kindest regards,

Father Mike Myers.

 

 

[This time Joe decides to reply to Mike]

From: Prince Joe Eboh
Date: Thursday, May 27, 2004 4:30 PM
Subject: Re: Password: Pappa's Got a Brand New Bag (Very Urgent)

Dear Father Mike,

I have not heard from him since 25th because that was the last time I heard from him. I am very worried too.

Brother Joe Eboh.

 

 

From: Father Mike Myers
To: Prince Joe Eboh

Father Mike Myers
Financial Development
London SW

Dear Mr. Eboh,

Thank you for your reply. It is very disturbing that we have not had any news of our brother Hector for over 48 hours. I have just this moment telephoned the police and asked them to check his home address. I am worried he may have had an accident at home that is preventing him from contacting us. I shall inform you of any news I receive.

Take care bro.

Father Mike Myers
Financial Development - Holy Church of The Order of The Red Breast.

 

 

[According to Citybank, the account number Joe gave me does not exist. Maybe it was shut down by a good samaritan? ]

From: Hector Barnett
To: Prince Joe Eboh

Dear Joe,

This is your good friend Hector Barnett. Please do not be alarmed that I am contacting you from a different email address. I will explain what has happened.

I have been troubled recently after the death of a dear friend of mine, Minnie Mowse. She was a very very dear friend indeed. Her death has affected me greatly and started to make me question my faith. I have decided to leave the church and join a travelling circus. I have already made two very good friends, and tomorrow I will be starting my circus training with them.

Please do not reply to my barnett@xxxxxx.co.uk address because I will no longer see any emails addressed to that location. I have not yet told my brothers at the church of my decision, but I have left a letter for my good friend Father Mike Myers at my private home address. Of course now that I have left the church I can no longer live at my old home as this was provided for by the church, so now I am currently staying with my new circus friends.

Joe, regarding the business proposition; I am still wanting very much to continue with this deal, and before I left my church building I managed to withdraw the $18,000.00 to send to you. Unfortunately there seems to be a problem. I tried to make transfer using the bank details that you gave to me. They are as follows:

Bank: Citybank, New York, 111 Wall St, New York, N.Y. 100043
Swift Code: xxxxxx
Acc No. 3614xxxx
Acc Name: Access xxxxxx
Beneficiary: xxxxxxx

Unfortunately, I was informed by Citybank that the account number you gave to me does not exist. Please can you tell me what the problem is.

I look forward to hearing from you soon Joe. Please rely only to this email address.

Take care my friend,

Hector Barnett.

 

 

From: Prince Joe Eboh
Date: Friday, May 28, 2004 10:28 AM
Subject: Re: IMPORTANT EMAIL CHANGE - HECTOR BARNETT (VERY URGENT)

Dear Hector Barnett,

Before your mail came I was so worried being that I have not heard from you since 25th. Your friend father Mike sent a mail to me asking if I knew your where abouts. Sorry if the account has inconvinienced you. Here is another account that the commission has provided: Mr. Micheal Nzewuka and Mrs. Martina Chikoze Onyemobi they said those names are the people in charge of the agency that receives money on their behalf. They have also instructed that you pay the money instalmentaly because western union here does not receive more than $5000. So, you can pay $10,000 on Mr. Micheal then $8,000 on Mrs. Martina. I hope the instruction is understood?

I was in formed yesterday by the ministry of finance that the fund has been moved to the Apex Bank in Holland. Therefore, send the money quick this moning so that the Certificate of incorporation will be released to you and the cash will be transfered to your account.

Why did you decide to leave our church and what about me? You know it is because of you that I joined the church. And since I've been observing the prayer you gave me there have improvements in my life.
[Again, that would be bullshit wouldn't it Joe. How can wasting $129 be an improvement, you ass?!] Please, make it fast so that I will come over to London to see you.

Thanks for your cooperation.

Brother Joe Eboh

 

 

From: Hector Barnett
To: Prince Joe Eboh

Dear Joe,

Please, now that I am no longer part of the church and I consider you my good friend, please call my what my close friends call me, which is Heccy.

So you want me to pay $18,000 via Western Union Money Transfer? That might me a problem with such a large about as I have the money in cash, and if I walk into a W.U. office with $18,000 in cash there may be some serious questions (and CCTV). I will try anyway. I will need more information to make the W.U. payment though. As well as the names (which you have supplied) I will need their addresses and contact telephone numbers, as here in the UK they will ask me for these details.

If it suits you better I could make arrangements to fly to Holland and hand over the cash in person. Now that I have left the church I am free to travel where I please and next week my circus friends are travelling to Rotterdam which is not far from the bank. My new friend and magician, The Amazing Tossini (or Bert to his friends) has relatives in Holland also, and we will be paying them a visit.

Let me know your thoughts.

Regards,

Heccy.

 

 

[Joe supplies me with some other account to transfer the cash to]

From: Prince Joe Eboh
Date: Friday, May 28, 2004 3:08 PM
Subject: Re: IMPORTANT EMAIL CHANGE - HECTOR BARNETT (VERY URGENT)

Dear Heccy,

I understand your point. Please, find bellow another account which the comission has given to me:

BANK: ANZ BANKING GROUP LTD
MINERVA HOUSE
P.O.BOX 7
MONTAGUE CLOSE
LONDON SE1 9DH

SWIFT CODE:ANZBGB21

A/C NO: 67XXXX-USD-011(FOR DOLLAR)

A/C NAME: ACCESS BANK PLC
BENEFICIARY: CENTURY SUBSEA LTD.

They said the account is very active. Send the money via it

Joe Eboh.

[I make a quick call to the ANZ bank in London and alert them that one of their accounts is being used for fraudulent purposes]

 

 

From: Hector Barnett
To: Prince Joe Eboh

Dear Joe,

I cannot understand what is going on. I tried to pay the $18,000 into the account you gave me the details for. They are as follows:

BANK: ANZ BANKING GROUP LTD
MINERVA HOUSE
P.O.BOX 7
MONTAGUE CLOSE
LONDON SE1 9DH

SWIFT CODE:ANZBGB21

A/C NO: 67XXXX-USD-011(FOR DOLLAR)

A/C NAME: ACCESS BANK PLC
BENEFICIARY: CENTURY SUBSEA LTD.

When I tried to transfer the cash I was given the following message from the Manager of the ANZ Banking Group:


****************************************************************************

Dear Mr. Hector.


Ref: Transfer application No. 118721-921


Thank you for using our services but I am sorry to inform you that your transfer to account number 67XXXX-USD-011 has been refused for the following reasons:

Error 7801: This account is being investigated


I am sorry sir, but we have recently been given information by a Canadian agent that this account is being used for the fraudulent transfer of funds is currently under investigation by New Scotland Yard and the US FBI. Unfortunately, during the investigation procedure all transfers to and from this account are now being refused.

The account is now being carefully monitored to see who is accessing the account.

Please accept my sincere apologies for the inconvenience.

Sincerely,

Mr. Malcolm McDowell
MD ANZ Banking Group (UK) Ltd.

****************************************************************************

Please can you explain to me what is going on here? Why is your account under investigation? I will need a full and frank explanation. I am now extremely worried about this transaction.

Kind regards,

Heccy

 

 

From: Prince Joe Eboh
Date: Saturday, May 29, 2004 12:25 PM
Subject: (VERY URGENT)

Dear Heccy,

I will ask thesame question If I were in your shoes. The truth is that the commission provided the account. According to them, that is the account they have been using to receive money. So, if there are people who have used thesame account to send or receive money fraudulently, I do not know because the commission did not tell me any such thing. I was also scared and shocked to hear such a terrible news from you.

At this point, let me encourage you not to relent because we have come a long way in this transaction.

I reported to them immediately, what you said about the account I was mad at them when the now gave me thesame Western Union Money Transfer on the name of Mrs. Martina Chikoze Onyemobi with the following office address and phone number:

14 Opebi Road,
Lagos Nigeria.
Tel: 234-80-33125309

They have instructed that you send the money on instalments of $5000 each. They said you should send the money $5000 until you finish paying the $18,000. This is because the don't receive more than $5000 here in Nigeria. Please, send the money as they have instructed so that we can round up this bisiness as soon as possible and I will come over to London to see you. Thanks for your cooperation.

Joe Eboh.

 

 

From: Hector Barnett
To: Prince Joe Eboh

Dear Joe,

Thank you for your email and your explanation. I must say that the bank made me feel very unhappy, and I did feel like mutilating someone quite viciously, however, I did get into trouble the last time I did that so I'm wanting to stay well clear of whole area of mutilation, it really isn't worth it.

I am glad you got mad Joe, because these things that the commission are doing to us are really delaying this whole process. I have the cash here in my hands and I cannot seem to be able to get it to you. It really is very frustrating, and I do feel like mutila.... no, sorry, I must resist the temptation.

Anyway, I will try to make the Western Union payments to you as soon as possible. At the moment I am writing to you from France. I am in a little town called Massachusetts and it is a beautiful little town. Myself and my fellow circus friends went out to spread the word to the townsfolk about our circus which is appearing in the town tonight. Please find attached a photograph of myself, along with a few of my clown friends. Of course you should recognise myself, I am the second from the left. I am still very new to clowning of course, so I have not quite perfected the makeup procedure. Koko The Klot (the man right next to me) has told me he will get me a green wig that will make me look much better.

I will make the first Western Union payment shortly Joe and I shall email you the receipt.

Take care bro,

Heccy.

[I stick the head of David Hyde Pierce (Niles Crane) onto a clown's body and give him some clown makeup]

 

 

[I send Joe a W.U. payment for $5000 - it's fake of course!]

From: Hector Barnett
To: Prince Joe Eboh

Dear Joe,

I'm just taking a quick break in between shows, and I managed to get your first Western Union payment made ($5000). Please can you confirm you have received the payment and I will send the rest? Please find attached the payment receipt.

The Money Control Transfer Number is 2205499731. The security question is "Favourite clown?" and the answer is "Heccy McHec".

I hope to hear from you soon. I must go now as I am needed on the trapeze.

Your friend,

Heccy.

 

 

[Oh dear. Seems like Prince Joe couldn't cash the W.U. payment]

From: Prince Joe Eboh
Date: Monday, May 31, 2004 11:53 AM
Subject: Re: (VERY URGENT)

Dear Heccy,

I gave the informations you provided to the commission only for them to go to the bank and find that the money was not there. I went to western union website to verify your informations and here is the answer i got "W0131 We do not have an order with the provided information" this is terrible.

Please, can you tell me what is happening? the money doen't seem to have gotten here. Please, reply ASAP.

Joe Eboh.

 

 

[Sadly, it's time to give Joe some bad news and put this puppy to bed]

From: Hector Barnett
To: Prince Joe Eboh

Hi Joe,

Sorry to learn that you were not able to receive the $5,000. I will go to the W.U. office shortly and get my cash back.

Listen buddy, I've made a decision. I'm sorry, but I got talking to my circus friends and they convinced me that the best thing to do would be to keep the $18,000 for myself. It would be a lot less trouble, and a hell of a lot more fun for me, so I'm sorry, I have decided to keep the cash.

My new circus friends, The Great Tossini and Koko The Klot want me to invest some of the money in their new snow exportation business. Tossini & Klot assure me that we can make a fortune exporting snow to Siberia. Apparently there is a huge gap in the market for snow importation in that part of the world. I really think I'm onto a winner here. I am so excited about my new business venture. We have even made up a slogan for our company, "There's snow business like snowbusiness!". Catchy isn't it?!

We also decided to use some of the $18,000 for a big party at a local night club to celebrate our new partnership. I did feel a little guilty about keeping the cash, but after a few drinks any feelings of guilt I might have had completely disappeared.

Anyway, just so that you don't feel left out, I asked The Amazing Tossini to take a photograph of us all together on our night out, and I have attached it to this email so that you have a nice memento of your good friend Heccy. Hopefully you will be comforted by the fact that your $80 helped to change my life for the better. To be honest we had just a little too much to drink (our bar bill was over two thousand dollars alone!) so please accept my apologies for my drunken state. After the nightclub we moved onto Pepé Le Pew's high class restaurant, and stuffed ourselves until our arseholes bled! Still it was another $3000 well spent!

Well, by the time the night was over we had blown over $6,500 on booze, food, hookers and drugs. Joe, I never realised life outside the church was so fucking cool dude! Man, forget painting your tit red, get your ass out there and paint the mofo town red! What the hell kind of church asks you to paint a stupid symbol on your breast anyway? I never did understand that!

I gotta go now Joe, but listen, thanks so much for sending me the $80, it was really good of you. You have really made me one happy guy!

Gotta go now buddy, there's a lady's ass over there with my name on it.

Heccy.

[Of course, I have edited up this picture quite a bit. I added in Joe's birthday card he sent to me, Joe's DHL delivery package, Joe's red breast picture AND a couple of pictures of Joe which he also sent to other fellow baiters. There are a few other added extras, but I wont spoil your enjoyment by pointing them all out to you! Anyone interested in seeing the original pic can click on the thumbnail below]


[click to enlarge]

 

 

[Surprisingly, Joe doesn't answer back with the expected tirade of abuse]

From: Prince Joe Eboh
Date: Monday, May 31, 2004 3:17 PM
Subject: Re: (VERY URGENT)

Dear Haccy,

Thank you very much, your mail was quite surprising. I never expected that this little money will get you carried away when we have $25m which I want to send to your account. Do you think its a child's play? at my age I cannot engage in a busimess that I will not finish. I want to do this business with you.

Forget about your friends I still have trust in you and I want us to continue irrespective of what has happened. I will come to London soon. So, tell me if you'er still interested in this transaction so that I will know your position on time because I've started making contacts already to have a power of attorney because the fund has left to Holland which I told you earlier and all the documents bear your name.

I received a mail from Father Mike. He was asking me if I have heard from you. Please, reply ASAP Thanks.

Joe Eboh.

 

 

[Lets see if we can have a chat with Joe on the phone - at his expense of course]

From: Hector Barnett
To: Prince Joe Eboh

Hi Joe,

Thanks for your email.

Look, of course I know this is serious business buddy. Try to chill out a little. Tell you what, give me a call on my mobile phone and lets see what solution we can come up with.

Please note that I will be performing later this evening, so it is vital that you call me at a pre-arranged time or I will not be able to speak with you. If you want to call me tonight, then do so ONLY between 7pm and 8pm this evening. If you call at other times I will not be able to answer the phone (leave a message). If you cannot speak tonight then let me know and I will give you a time to call tomorrow. Please reply to me ASAP to let me know if you will be calling. Remember, the time zone I am using is GMT, so make sure you use UK times.

My number is (UK) +44 7017 421 XXX. Please note that the circus is very busy (and noisy) so you will need to speak loudly so that I can hear you over the music and the crowds.

Cheers buddy,

Heccy.

 

 

[Joe doesn't reply to me, instead he contacts brother Mike Myers, and he has a proposition for the good father...]

From: Prince Joe Eboh
Date: Tuesday, June 01, 2004 1:08 PM
Subject: ABOUT HECTOR

Dear Father Mike,

I do not know if Hector related to you the business I have with him. Now, read this mail carefully. I am the chirman contract award committee Niger Delta Development Commission (NDDC) Federal Republic of Nigeria. There is this fund About $25,000,000.00 meant for the payment of a contract executed in the year, 1990. I want to transfer this fund to a foreign account, when I told Hector about it, he told me the church does not permit him to engage in business with people who are not members of the church. He asked me to send him a photograph of myself with the symbol of the church drawn around my breast so that he could subject me to the normal induction precess, he also sent a form I received the form signed it and sent it back to him. After doing all that, he sent me a mail telling me that I have become a member of the church that we can go ahead with the transaction when I asked him to provide me with his account information so that there wont be errors in the process of transfering the cash.

As a matter of fact, I used my money to process the necessary documents that will facilitate the registration of his name as the contractor who executed the contract. I did all that so that we could have a smooth registration of his name. The commission responsible for the registration charged $18,000 and being that I have spent a lot of money already to process other relevant documents, I asked Hectore to help me send the money, he told me that withdrawal of any amount from $10,000 and above attracts a clearance fee of $80. I managed to send the $80 through DHL that was the parcel he asked you to tell me he has received on that monday if you can remember. Immediately he got the $80, he told me that he has withdrawn the $18,000 on my behalf. After he got the $18,000 cash with him, he did not send it to me so that I will use it to register his name and the ministry of finance will approve the payment of the fund which will be transfered to his account immediately.

All of the sudden, I received a mail from him and he told me that he is no longer a member of the church, ok what about the cash? that he has decided to use the cash to enjoy himself. I was so surprised to hear that from him having gone far in our business transaction.

I decided to tell you about this business so that you tell him that what he is doing is not good. I still have $25m to send to his account so he should not be carried away by common $80.

On the other hand, I thank God that this money was not released to his account but it has been moved to the Apex Bank in Holland. I will be glad if you give me the opportunity to continue this transaction with you. we are going to benefit from the money, The both of us. I will like to have your photograph. Blessings.

I hope to read from you soon.

Brother Joe Eboh.

 

 

[OK, I know this is a long shot, but I wonder if there's any chance of reverse-scamming this idiot for a second time?!]

From: Father Mike Myers
To: Prince Joe Eboh

Dear Brother Joe,

Thank you for your very informative email, and I must be very honest and open with you and tell you that I am indeed very sorry for the situation that brother Hector has put you in. When we searched brother Hector's house we found a letter from him explaining to us that he had decided to leave the church. It seems he was very saddened by the death of a very close relative. In the letter he told me that he would be seeking new employment and that he promised to pay back the $18,000 as soon as possible. Father Hector's absence has left many of us very sad, because he did such wonderful work for us, and was always a very very honest and trustworthy person. I can only imagine that the shock of his friends death may have affected him mentally. I still hold out hope that eventually my dear brother will return to the church once he has dealt with his inner demons.

Hector did not tell me of your business, but I am not surprised that he tried to help you. Hector was a very generous and helping man, and would always try his best to help his fellow man wherever he possibly could.

Indeed, the procedure that Hector asked you to perform is the normal induction procedure of our church, and indeed, looking in the church membership files your name is duly listed as a full member, so in that respect brother Hector did everything in a most correct and honest fashion.

Hector was correct in telling you that to withdraw such a large amount of money requires a clearance fee, this is exactly how the process works.

My brother, I am bound by the laws of my church to try to help you. I am very sorry that brother Hector is at the moment not of sound mind. I am very confident that my brother will return to the church and will indeed return the $18,000. I can help you in this process if you will allow me, however, one area that I cannot help you is with the payment of the clearance fee. I do not know if brother Hector told you this, but we do not receive any payment or wages for working here at the church. All our bills are paid for by the church, and the houses that we live in are also provided free to us. Our food and other sundry items are all provided for us, so we have no need for wages. Helping our fellow man is payment enough for us here.

So the situation is this brother Joe. I can take over from brother Hector and help you by providing the $18,000 but I am afraid that I am not able to pay the $80 clearance fee. If you want me to help you by sending you the $18,000 then you must do your part by paying the clearance fee. In fact, because of all the trouble that you have been put through, I am willing to give you an extra $2,000 which should hopefully make up for your loses and the stress which this who affair must have caused you. So, if you are willing to send the $80 clearance fee by some fast courier then I will be most delighted to send you a total of $20,000 [Twenty thousand dollars] the next working day after your clearance fee is received. However, I must warn you to keep this most secret. Because of the disappearance of brother Hector there are many people asking many questions, so it is vital that we keep this process extremely secret.

Please let me know what your decision is and if it is a positive one I will give you my own personal address to send the clearance fee to.

Take great care my brother, and blessings to you and your family,


Father Mike Myers.

 

 

[Joe is quite rightly being more cautious now!]

From: Prince Joe Eboh
Date: Tuesday, June 01, 2004 3:47 PM
Subject: Re: ABOUT HECTOR

Dear Father Mike,

Thank you very much for your kind response. Before we proceed, I'd like to have your personal photograph, your private phone/fax numbers and a detailed account information where the fund will be transfered. This is not a joke at all. The cash is there waiting for approval.

But, are you still in contact with Hector? I have included my lawyer among the crew that will be coming with me to London and I can assure you that I am going to pick Hector Barnett.

If it is possible, let me have a copy of your membership list to ensure that my name is there.

Brother Joe Eboh.

 

 

From: Father Mike Myers
To: Prince Joe Eboh

Dear brother Joe,

Your email is fully understood, but one thing that you must understand here is that I am extremely busy with my church duties. I cannot afford to waste much time on this matter. Either you want my help or you do not. I am willing to help you, but please do not try to make demands on me because I have other more important matters to attend to. Also, of course I realise this is not a game. Believe me Joe, if I thought you were playing a game I would have ceased all communication with you immediately. Please treat these matters with the utmost seriousness or I can assure you that I will not proceed any further.

Now, as I have said, I am willing to help, but you must realise that my church duties come first, no matter what.

To answer your questions, no, I have not had any contact with father Hector. I have no idea at all where he is, but I pray to God that he will bring him back to us safely one day. He is very much missed.

Please find attached my photograph as you have requested. My telephone number is +44 701741xxxx. Please note I am very busy, so if I am not available to receive your call please do leave a message and I will try to call you back when I have time.

I cannot give you a copy of my membership list as details of signed up members are strictly private and are protected by the Data Protection Act of 1998. It is against the law for me to disclose anybody's information to an unauthorised third party. If you wish to examine the Data Protection Act in more detail you can view it here: http://www.hmso.gov.uk/acts/acts1998/19980029.htm All I can tell you is that you are definitely listed as a member.

Now finally I must ask that you proceed very quickly if you require my help. In 10 days time I am leaving to do some work in Argentina, and whilst I am there I will not be able to help you further. I am able to get the $20,000 payment cleared for you within 12-24 hours, but only after you have sent the clearance fee. If you wish the payment to be made before I fly to Argentina then I urge you to waste no time in this matter. Please signal your intentions ASAP and I will forward you my address details.

With kindest regards,

Father Mike Myers.

[Keeping with the "Frasier" theme, I send Joe a quick cut 'n paste job featuring Martin Crane]

 

 

[Time for Heccy to see when Joe is going to call]

From: Hector Barnett
To: Prince Joe Eboh

Hey Joe,

I have been waiting for your phone call, or at least an email. Have you been busy? Sure has been busy here. I have been promoted to head keeper here in the circus. The money is crap but hopefully my new snow exporting business will bring in the cash pretty soon. My partners think that we will be millionaires within 12 months.

Anyway, please let me know what day you will be giving me a telephone call so that I can arrange a time to speak with you on the phone.

Gotta go buddy,

Heccy.