mainlogo2
Title: THE CHURCH OF BREAD AND WINE
Scammer Name: ABRAM NELSON
Submitted By: SHIVER METIMBERS

 

** PAGE TWO **

 

Date: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 13:20:54 -0700 (PDT)
From: Abram Nelson
Subject: misconception ref. 287332/AE/ABR01

Rev.

I am very much sorry for this. The picture you requested for was not that clear to me, this is why I sent a picture with you presently.

The man in the picture I sent happen to be THE CO-ORDINATOR OF THE WHOLE WESTERN PART OF THE COUNTRY. And he is presently out of the country this is why I copied his picture. [From a magazine!]

The picture I sent to you is : MR. DESMOND LAR

With your reply I can now understand you are requesting for my picture (ABRAM NELSON). Once again I am very sorry for the mis-conception.

All incoveneiences regreted. Find the attached passport. [Except it's not a passport is it Abram?!]

Thanks

Abram Nelson


[Abram Nelson]

 

 

From: Reverend Justin Timberlake
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 22/10/03

Dear Mr. Nelson,

Thank you for clearing that up. I will forward the details to inspector Jack Clouseau and I will get back to you ASAP.

Blessings,

Rev. Justin Timberlake.

 

 

[Lets cheer up Abram]

From: Reverend Justin Timberlake
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 25/10/03

Dear Mr. Nelson,

Good news! I am now able to clear the payment to you at last.

Unfortunately there will be a slight change of plan. Because of the police investigation, the Church of Bread & Wine has had to put a hold on all electronic banking facilities, therefore I cannot transfer the payment in the manner you require because of the modalities of the investigation.

However, the good news is that I am due to visit one of our churches in Nairobi (Kenya) on Wednesday next week, therefore, I can arrange to fly directly to Lagos first, make the payment to you in cash, and then take an inbound flight to Nairobi. This way instead of paying the donation in small amounts, I can give you the entire amount in one lump sum, I am sure you will be most happy to hear this news.

Please signal your agreement to this and then I will forward you my flight itinerary.

Be blessed,

Rev. Justin Timberlake.

 

 

Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 11:53:15 -0700 (PDT)
From: Abram Nelson
Subject: Re: ref. 287332/AE/ABR01

Thank you for your mail.

Anyway, about your coming down to Nigeria, we really appreciate this, but I would like to know how many days you which to spend before going back to kenya? So that we can arrange a hotel for you.

However, I will like to know more information about you.

Like your picture, and other things you might consider necessary for us to know for identification purpose

I would like to read from you ASAP

Abram Nelson

Thanks for your support.

 

 

From: Reverend Justin Timberlake
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 26/10/03

Dear Abram,

Many thanks for your email.

I will book my flight in the next few hours and then I will forward you my itinerary. I shall only be staying one night in Lagos as I have urgent business in Nairobi. I will then fly back to Lagos and catch my flight home to London (it is cheaper to do it this way).

As requested, please find attached my passport. Please would you let me also see your international passport?

I will write again as soon as I have received my booking receipt.

Sincerely,

Rev. Justin Timberlake.

[I attach the Rev's passport. The image is Peter Kay as Max the doorman from the FANTASTIC Phoenix Nights. If you haven't seen this TV series you might as well shoot yourselves!]

 

 

Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 20:31:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: Abram Nelson
Subject: provide this for me sir ref. 287332/AE/ABR01

Thank you sir.

I have lost my international passport for the past couple of weeks. But if you don't since you have my passport, and our group picture with you, then you can use this as an identification. [Go on then Abram, I'll fall for your pathetic excuse]

Sir, in your next mail kindly provide the below
information:

- HOW MANY DAYS DO YOU WANT TO SPEND IN NAIROBI< KENYA

- CAN YOU GIVE ME YOUR CHURCH PHONE NUMBER, SO THAT I CAN CONFIRM YOUR ARRIVAL TO KENYA?

- CAN YOU SEND YOUR FULL PICTURE TO ME (PREFERABLY THE ONE YOU SNAP WITH YOUR FAMILY, OR WITH THE CHURCH
MEMBER) SO THAT I CAN VIEW IT VERY WELL FOR WELL INDENTIFICATION?

- DO YOU WANT US TO GET A GUEST ROOM FOR YOU, OR YOU WANT TO CHECK OUT IMMEDIATELY YOU HANDED OVER THE
MONEY.


Kindly let me know when you will arrive to Lagos, Nigeria. The date, time and when we will should be in Airport, and which airport, are u going to land to.

Are you boarding Concord airline, or virgin airline or which one, kindly let me know this.

Thanks for your support.

Abram Nelson

 

 

From: Reverend Justin Timberlake
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 26/10/03

Dear Abram,

I intend to stay in Nairobi for approximately 1 week. I will only be in Lagos for one night.

My direct telephone number is (United Kingdom ) 044 7092 037 387. If I am not home to receive you message, please leave your message and details on my answer phone. I am extremely busy, so if I am not at home please leave a message to let me know you have called.

Please note that because I get a lot of time wasting calls, you will be required to leave a password phrase that will identify you as a trusted caller. The password phrase for today is HOLY COW BATT MAN. Batt is the name of my pet dog. Please repeat the password three times for clarity. Please note that no calls will be returned without the password code.

Please find attached a group photograph of myself with some of my church helpers.

I would appreciate it if you would arrange for a room for me somewhere for one night. Please forward me details of this room as soon as I send you my flight details later today.

Blessings,

Rev. Justin Timberlake.

[I attach a picture of the Rev. Justin Timberlake, which is in fact a edited photo of the cast of Peter Kays Phoenix Nights. Did I mention this series is FANTASTIC?!]

Click to enlarge (65k)

 

 

From: Reverend Justin Timberlake
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 26/10/03

Dear Abram,

As promised, please find attached my flight booking receipt. As you will see, I am due to arrive in Lagos on Tuesday the 28th of October at 7.40pm.

I am hoping our business will be finalised the same evening, and the next day I shall be taking an internal flight to Nairobi. I shall then return to Lagos on the 6th of November to fly back to London. I have made arrangements for my VISA through a government contact and this will be ready for me tomorrow.

Please ensure there is someone to meet with me at the airport.

Blessings,

Rev. Justin Timberlake.

[My phoney flight details]

 

 

Date: Sun, 26 Oct 2003 09:49:19 -0800 (PST)
From: Abram Nelson
Subject: WELCOME TO NIGERIA REF. 287332/AE/ABR01

Thank you sir. We all welcome you to NIGERIA.

Sir, for security purpose the fund you want to give to us, kindly keep it in a brief case for us or you can keep it in a very tight wrapper.

However, tell me in your next mail which cloth are you going to wear? The colour of the bag or briefcase you will carry with you.

We hope to read from you we all love you. [Aww... You're only saying that!]

we are planning to get a room for you at CLIMAX HOTEL OR JOYLAND HOTEL. Or when you come you can pick the one out of the two i mentioned above. [Now I thought Abram was taking the piss when he mentioned the CLIMAX and JOYLAND hotel, but I did a quick check and indeed these two hotels exist]

I love you and our potential foundation loves you too. [Potential foundation?]

Bye
Abram nelson

 

 

From: Reverend Justin Timberlake
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 26/10/03

Dear Abram,

Thank you for your communication and I am glad all is well with you. If possible, please try to give me a call before I leave on Tuesday. Again, if I am not home, please leave a message, but do remember the password.

I shall be wearing a all black suit, but with brown shoes. My bag will also be a black suitcase, but there is a logo on it that has a picture of the sun on it.

I would prefer it if you would book me into the JOYLAND hotel, although any hotel will do for my purposes.

I look forward to meeting with you Abram, and I am sure you will be happy to receive everything you deserve.

Blessings,

Rev. Justin Timberlake.

 

 

Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 12:32:53 -0800 (PST)
From: Abram Nelson
Subject: notes REF. 287332/AE/ABR01

Rev. Timberlake,

Good day sir, how was today?

For identification purposes, members of our foundation coming to pick you up at the airport, would be having their Identity Carc around their neck, and a PLA CARD [Pla card?!] at the arrival point, displaying the foundation's name.

We hope to see you at the airport tomorrow, have a pleasant journey.

Abram Nelson

 

 

[Oh dear. The day of my arrival erm... arrives, and I seem to have forgotten to board the plane!]

Date: Tue, 28 Oct 2003 13:43:35 -0800 (PST)
From: Abram Nelson
Subject: URGENT PLEASEREF. 287332/AE/ABR01

Rev.

How are you doing? And how is your trip down to Nigeria?

It is a pity that we did not see you. Sir, we waited for 2hrs but we did not see you. We now suggested may be you might have picked a hire car.

You can mail me immediately you see this e-mail.

I want to know where you are,so that I can come and finalise the issue at hand.

Thank you

Abram Nelson

 

 

[I send Abram a 'automated' response]

From: Reverend Justin Timberlake
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 28/10/03

**** THIS IS AN AUTOMATED RESPONSE EMAIL PLEASE DO NOT REPLY ****


Dear Sir or Madam,

Thank you for your email.

Unfortunately I am out of my offices at the moment, on urgent business in Nigeria and Kenya. I shall return on Friday the 7th of November.

If your business is very urgent, please contact my private secretary, Father Ted Crilley ted.crilley@triplenet.co.uk

Thank you for your email.

Rev. Justin Timberlake

 

 

Date: Tue, 28 Oct 2003 20:36:17 -0800 (PST)
From: Abram Nelson
Subject: URGENT PLEASE REF. 287332/AE/ABR01

Dear Crilly Ted,

It is my pleasure to write you. I am Abram Nelson, Davids Harp Foundation, NIgeria. Rev. Justin Timberlake promised to be in Nigeria on 28th October, 2003 7:40pm coming with British Airways.

Unfortunately, we waited at International Airport for 2 hours, and we did not see him.

We shall be glad if you know how to contact him, because he said he would be on his way to Kenya after he might have visit us here in Nigeria.

We hope to read from you soonest sir.

Best Regards

Abram Nelson

 

 

From: Father Ted Crilley
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 29/10/03

Dear brother Abram,

Thank you for your communication.

I am sorry but the Rev. Timberlake has not told me all the fact of his visit to you, but I will tell you all that I can.

The reverend left London Heathrow Airport yesterday around 11am on a flight to Lagos, Nigeria. I am presuming it was you that the Reverend was meeting? I got a telephone call at approximately 10.15pm last night from the reverend. He informed me that he arrived in Lagos safely, but because of his status he was given a VIP escort from the airport to a nearby hotel, which is where he is at the moment.

Rev. Timberlake was due to fly to Nairobi, Kenya today to meet with some colleagues, but he informs me that he will be staying at his hotel in Lagos for a further 2 days. I am sorry but the Reverend did not inform me which hotel he was at. I have contacted him to ask his location but so far I have not had a reply. I know that the reverend has taken his laptop computer with him, so I expect a reply from him very soon. I will of course forward the information to you as soon as I receive it.

Blessings upon you sir,

Father Ted Crilley.
The Church of Bread and Wine.

 

 

Date: Wed, 29 Oct 2003 23:29:44 -0800 (PST)
From: Abram Nelson
Subject: Still Expecting REF. 287332/AE/ABR01

Dear Ted,

The foundation appreciates your efforts in assisting us to locate our friend/visitor.

We are yet to receive any information concerning his whereabout.We are so much worried because we know this might be his first visit to our counry and we are yet to locate him since his arrival, barely 24hrs after arrival. Since you said he is with his laptop,we've tried a lot to contact him ,but all we get is an AUTOMATED RESPONSE referring us to your mail.

kINDLY GIVE US A WAY OUT TO GET N TOUCH WITH HIM,WE ARE SO WORRIED.

His hotel number or possibly the address of the hotel here in Nigeria. We shall make sure we see him.

Thank you for your assistance.

ABRAM NELSON.

 

 

From: Father Ted Crilley
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 30/10/03

Dear Mr Abram Nelson.

I thank you for your recent communication.

I am afraid I have nothing to report presently about the whereabouts of the Reverend Justin Timberlake.

As I explained to you yesterday, I received a phone call from the reverend in Lagos, but he did not tell me which hotel he was at. I have since tried his mobile number ( 0989-771-45227 ) but the number appears to be inactive. I have to confess that I am a little worried about this situation. I am aware that the reverend was carrying a substantial amount of cash with him to Lagos. I am unfamiliar with the political climate in your country, but I would assume that as with any other large metropolis that to be alone with a large amount of cash is quite dangerous. We are very seriously considering sending out a representative to help to locate the good reverend.

I will try to get back to you with further news later today. In the meantime, if you have any information about he location of rev. Timberlake, please do let me know ASAP.

God bless you,

Father Ted Crilley.
The Church of Bread and Wine.

 

 

Date: Mon, 3 Nov 2003 21:08:19 -0800 (PST)
From: Abram Nelson
Subject: No infomation yet?

Dear father ted,

We the members of davidsharpfoundation are still worried about the Non-appearance of your reverend to us since he came into the country.We have tried all we could ,but it is all in vain to locate rev justin timberlake.

As i reported earlier,all the mails sent to him are returned to us through his auto response.We are yet to be sure of his whereabout. Please good rev,it will so foolish of us if we keep too quiet on this matter, it is more serious than we all can
imagine.

We are no longer sure if he is still in Nigeria or he has gone to Nairobi and he will still return as scheduled.You mentioned in your last mail to us that you are planning over ther to send out a searchteam to locate his whereabout,pls sir has this yielded any result? Up till now we find it very difficult to sleep with opur two eyes closed,and we dont want to raise any false alarm of a missing person when it has not yet been confirmed missing.

Our Good Reverend,kindly give us all necessary information you might have gotten since the last time you mailed us so as to know and take the proper step of reporting the case to the police and other press medias. We appreciate your kind and loving gesture.

Abram Nelson.

 

 

From: Father Ted Crilley
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 04/11/03

Dear Abram,

Please forgive me for not contacting you earlier. We are extremely worried here at the church. The reverend Timberlake has been missing for many days now, and he has not contacted us.

Our friends in Nairobi tell me that he has not arrived there, so I can only assume that he is still in Lagos, but where he can be is a complete mystery. Justin Timberlake's housekeeper, Cameron Diaz has informed me that the reverend did indeed take his mobile phone with him, but all calls to that number do not get through. We have contacted the mobile phone company (N*SYNC Communications) to try to find out if any calls had been made, but they told us that the phone has not been used since the day the reverend arrived in Lagos.

As I said before, I am extremely worried because he was carrying a very large amount of cash in US Dollars, and although the reverend is 34 years old, he looks much younger in his face, so I hope that he has not been taken advantage of. Here in the UK we have contacted the Foreign Office to see if they can help us in this dreadful situation.

Please find attached a photograph of the reverend. Please note this picture was taken two years ago during his ordination, but he looks very similar today. Hopefully this picture will help you to recognise the reverend if you see him.

I will contact you again when I have further news. Please let me know ASAP if you have news of your own.

Blessings,

Father Ted Crilley.

[Courtesy of PhotoShop, The Reverend Justin Timberlake - Will abram notice that this face is different from the passport image face? No, idea, but I'm about to tell him anyway!]

 

 

From: Father Ted Crilley
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 04/11/03

Dear Abram,

I am contacting you on a matter of great urgency. Please reply URGENTLY.

Just after I sent my last message to you, the police have arrived in my office and have shown me a disturbing item. They have shown me a copy of the Reverend Justin Timberlake's passport, and the image that is upon the passport is not that of Justin Timberlake. My secretary informs me that the reverend sent you a copy of his passport image. Please would you let me see the image that he sent to you?

I do not know who the picture is on the passport image, but it is not anyone in my ministry, and it is certainly NOT the image of Justin Timberlake. This is a rather disturbing development.

Sincerely,

Father Ted Crilley.

 

 

Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2003 10:36:36 -0800 (PST)
From: Abram Nelson
Subject: URGENCY IS NEED ON THISMATTER PLEASE

Father ted,

Sorry for the late response. It was due to know the outcome of the of our member's opinion about this issue.

Now you can find the attached picture of the passport we receive from Justin Timberlake.

And let us know if the police have declare him missing.

We are all worry here Father ted.

Thank you

Hope to read from you

Shalom

Abram nelson

[Abram attaches the passport and group pictures I sent to him on 26/10]

 

 

From: Father Ted Crilley
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 07/11/03

Dear Abram,

Thank you for your message and the photographs you attached. I am sad to say that the photograph you sent are not those of the reverend Timberlake. For some reason he has sent you photographs of somebody else that we do not know. We do not know why Justin Timberlake has done this. I have prayed to God for guidance of this matter.

We now have some information about the whereabouts of the reverend. It appears that the reverend did actually arrive in Lagos. We are not sure what happened there, but some days later our friends in Nairobi division of The Church of Bread & Wine told us that Rev. Timberlake came to visit them in a very worried state. He managed to fly from Nairobi in one of the churches small aeroplanes. We do not know where he was flying to in the small plane, but it should be easy to locate now as the plane has the markings of The Church of Bread and Wine written on the side of it.

We spoke to a gentleman who works at the Nairobi airport control tower (Mr. Pyles Ofkash) and he tells us that the reverend was determined to fly back to Lagos. Mr. Pyles Ofkash explained to us that the small plane the reverend was flying would not have enough fuel to reach Lagos, and would have to make three or four stops on the way to refuel. We have now contacted a number of small airports between Nairobi and Lagos and have asked them to look out for the reverend if he lands.

It may take some days for the reverend to arrive in Lagos Mr. Nelson, and I implore you to contact me if and when the reverend gets in touch with you.

I will write again when I have more news.

God bless you,

Father Ted Crilley.
The Church of Bread and Wine.

 

 

[There have been some awful developments]

From: Father Ted Crilley
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 08/11/03

Dear Abram,

It is with a very heavy heart that I send this email to you.

One of my pastors (Charlton Heston) was watching Sky News on television [what else?!] a short time ago, and told me of the devastating news that the Reverend Justin Timberlake has been found dead. It appears that the reverend suffered engine trouble when a pterodactyl accidentally flew into one of his engines, causing massive engine failure.

At first I did not believe such terrible news, and I prayed to God that it was a mistake. Sadly I must report that I contacted the Sky News people and they have sent to me a short while ago a photograph of the news report, and it does seem that the plane in the accident does indeed belong to The Church of Bread & Wine.

I have attached the photograph for you, but I warn you that it is indeed a terrible photograph, so please prepare yourself.

We have not yet had confirmation that Reverend Timberlake is dead, but I think that will be told this very soon.

I will write again immediately I have news. Do not fear Abram. If the reverend is really dead I will try to ensure that your donation is still paid to you.

With deep regret,

Father Ted Crilley.
The Church of Bread and Wine.

[The tragic photograph]

Click to enlarge (75k)

[Of course, regular readers will recognise the legs in this edited picture as coming from a previous bait!]

 

 

[Surprised that Abram replied to soon. And on a Saturday as well!]

Date: Sat, 8 Nov 2003 02:25:38 -0800 (PST)
From: Abram Nelson
Subject: We mourn with you.............

Dear Rev,

God, we believe is the only one that can console you and ur able church,we know it is very painful to loose a dear soul in such ghastly accident most unfortunately a plane crash God will surely end this for us all. Amen.

Rev, if i will not be making a mistake i think it is this same reverend that gave us a news sometime ago that the church lost a memeber of the Donation committee and will be a little bit difficult for the church to make any payment. We will like the church to look keenly into this matter it seems that the Lord our God is not happy with untruthfulness,that is why all this is
happening.

Why should the ordained man of God lie over his identity,why should he waste the time of the good people of our foundation waiting for him at the airport?.I dont think he is worthy to be called a manof God.

Rev Ted we believe he has another mission in Africa,his coming to Lagos is not because of us alone this is why our God never supported his journey he is trying to cheat God and this is not possible. G od only is the supreme judge we know but ur church over there should try and give to people what they are due for.God is not a respecter of persons.

May his soul rest in perfect peace.Amen.

I will like to read from u again in case there is a new development.Thank u good reverend, the lord is ur strenght.

Abram Nelson.

 

 

[I'll try to get Abram to telephone me]

From: Father Ted Crilley
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 09/11/03

Dear Abram,

Thank you for your email, and I am sorry for the delay in contacting you again. As you can imagine we are very shocked at what has happened to the reverend Timberlake.

I shall contact you again soon with the details on your particular donation. If you need to contact me by telephone, the church details are as follows:

The church contact number is (International dialling code + United Kingdom code) 011 44 7092 037 387. If my secretary answers, please ask for Father Ted

If I am not there to answer the phone, please leave a message and I will return it as soon as I can. Please be aware that due to many time wasting calls, we require that all important callers leave a password to identify them as trusted callers. You will need to leave this password phrase so that I know it is a important call. The password phrase that we use is:

I YAM A PEEDO FILE

You will need to repeat this THREE times so that the message is clear and understood. The church will not return any calls without the password phrase.

God bless you,

Father Ted Crilley.

 

 

** 419eater Note **

It was at this point that I managed to discover Abram's username and password for his Yahoo mail account. I wasn't about to do anything rash just yet, but I thought I'd let you dear readers know that I had the details

I also discovered he had emailed over 600 'victims', and Abram had thoughtfully left the entire list in his mailbox for me to look at! I will contact all the names on the list to let them know about this thief, just in case any of them are thinking his email was legit.

 

 

[Abram contacts Father Ted]

Date: Sun, 9 Nov 2003 10:11:05 -0800 (PST)
From: Abram Nelson
Subject: Re: We mourn with you.............

Good day Rev,

I really appreciate ur good work of faith i pray God will pay u back thesame way you have shower us with ur gesture.

Sir,i will like to be informed as early as possible about the burial arrangements of the late justin timberlake,and even the most surprising thing about his death is that we still receive mails from him (how incredible) surprise u'll say?.honestly,i cant understand what is really happening b'cos i cant imagine a dead body responding to a mail.

Any way may be his secretary is the one doin this in his name.

The donation committe should pls do something in earnest.More over,the death of timberlake is causing a lot of commotion here in Nigeria,cos pple are not sure if it is the musician or the reverend.pls clear this up.

[Damn! Looks like the S.O.B, has discovered who Justin Timberlake is - I'll have to come up with an excuse!]

Thanx.

Abram Nelson

For Davidsharpfoundation

 

 

From: Father Ted Crilley
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 09/11/03

Dear Mr. Abram,

The emails you are getting from the Reverend's account are probably from his auto-responding email. He will have set the account up to send an automatic message when he is not there. Unfortunately we do not know what the reverend's password is so we cannot stop this from happening. I suggest that you do not bother emailing the reverend as there will be no human response.

As for the musician, I am not sure what you mean, but 'Timberlake' is a very common name here in my country. In our ministry alone we have four different people with the surname of Timberlake.

We are now making arrangements to fly Rev. Timberlake's body back home, so as soon as I know what the funeral arrangements will be I shall let you know.

I will contact you again soon with regards to the donation payment.

God bless you,

Father Ted Crilley.

 

 

Date: 10/11/03

At this point, I decided to pop into Abram's Yahoo email account and change the password to lock him out! I considered emailing him from that account to taunt him for a while, but I decided to wait... and wait.... and wait.......

 

 

[Nearly two weeks later and Abram FINALLY gets in touch via another email address!]

Date: Sat, 22 Nov 2003 02:02:03 +0530
From: Abram Nelson
Subject: A GREAT MISFORTUNE

DEAR FATHER TED,

IT ISMY PLEASURE TO WRITE YOU AND REPORT TO YOU THEN MOST REASON WHY YOU DID NOTSEE OUR MAIL.LAST TIME WE DISCUSS ABOUT THE ISSUE OF THE REVEREND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE WHO DIED ON THE PLANE CRASH ACCORDING TO THE NEWS YOU SENT TO US.

HOWEVER, WE DISCOVERED THAT SOME SCAMMER [!] HAVE HIJACKED OUR E-MAIL AND WE ARE UNABLE TO CHECK THROUGH. [There are some nasty people about!]

WE SHALL BE HENCEFORTH REQUEST YOU TO BE SENDING TO THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS FOR FURTHER CONTACT. AND BY NO MEANS YOU SHOULD ANSWER ANY PARTY EXCEPT WE INFORM YOU OTHERWISE.

THANKS FOR YOU UNDERSTANDING

YOURS

ABRAM NELSON

 

 

[I decide to send Father Ted to Africa to overseas Re. Timberlake's funeral, and so I introduce....]

From: Father Tyte Knuts
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 22/11/03

My dear Mr. Nelson.

God bless you today, I hope this letter finds you in good health.

My name if Father Tyte Knuts. I am afraid that the good Father Crilley is in Africa at the moment. I do not know if you are aware, but one of our brothers was killed in a terrible plane crash. Father Crilley was going to bring the body of our dear brother home to be buried here in England, but his family have requested burial in Kenya as this was where he was born. I am sorry but Father Crilley will not be able to contact you for several weeks.

I understand from reading some of Father Crilley's emails that you have been in the process of receiving a donation payment from the church? I am afraid that the final date for the processing period of this donation was the 17th of November, so unfortunately you may have to present another photograph for evidence of your identity [SHAME!]. Also, it will disturb the committee that your original email address has been compromised by criminals.

I shall speak with the donation committee this afternoon to see if they would require more photographic evidence of identity from you. I am afraid that because the Donation period has expired that another photograph may be required.

I shall contact you again once I have been advised by the Donation Committee.

Sincerely,

Father Tyte Knuts.
The Church of Bread and Wine.

 

 

[Abram's reply is short and to the point]

Date: Sun, 23 Nov 2003 12:13:48 +0530
From: Abram Nelson
Subject: Re: A GREAT MISFORTUNE

Hello,

I would really appreciate it if you can send a the phone number which I can call to so that we can talk as a matter of urgency.

thanks

 

 

[I don't want a suspicious Abram calling me and not getting through. I'll try to put him off]

From: Father Tyte Knuts
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 23/11/03

Dear Sir,

I would advise you to use the contact number that you have already been given in previous email contacts. Please note that due to increased security measures here (after the death of Rev. Timberlake) all our incoming calls are now being recorded by the police. Apparently they are of the opinion that Rev. Timberlake's death was not an accident.

I have discussed the modalities of your late claim with the Donation Committee, and the money is ready to be transferred to you, but you WILL be required to send in another photograph. Once the photograph is received then it is a very simple and straightforward matter to send the payment to you immediately. [I suspect my readers think this won't be the case!]

Please signal your agreement to this and I shall discuss with the donation committee the pose that would be needed for the photograph.

I am sorry that this has to be done again, but because you did not reply to us within the required period we have to start a new procedure. This procedure cannot be changed due to very strict Charity laws in our country. All proceeds have to be accounted for and audited to a very strict set procedure. Failure for us to do this may result in our church losing its charity status.

Sincerely,

Father Tyte Knuts
The Church of Bread and Wine

 

 

Date: Mon, 24 Nov 2003 16:03:44 +0530
From: Abram Nelson
Subject: Re: Re: Re: A GREAT MISFORTUNE

Father,

I got your mail and we quite appreciate this.I would contact our secretary to bring this so that we can send it to you again.

Thanks

 

 

From: Father Tyte Knuts
To: Abram Nelson
Date: 24/11/03

Dear Abram,

Thank you for your email.

Your new Donation Agreement number is 287317/AE/ABR02. Please quote this number on all future correspondence.

I did not understand fully what you were trying to say in your email below, but if you are willing to get a new photograph taken than thank you. Here is how the committee would like the new photograph taken.

As before, you will need to place the bread on your head. IN THE SAME PHOTOGRAPH place the bottle of wine to your mouth as though you are drinking it. Also as before, please ensure the image is LARGE and CLEAR (the bigger the better for us). Also, in order that you do not use the previous photograph you sent to use, please ensure that you SIT IN A CHAIR when having the new photograph taken.

Once a SUITABLE image is received them I have been given the power to forward the payment to you immediately and without any further delay.

Please note that it is vital that you get the new image to us AS SOON AS POSSIBLE as the expiry period for all yearly donation end VERY soon.

God bless you,

Father Tyte Knuts.
The Church of Bread and Wine.

 

419eater note:

And that was it. I never heard from Abram again. I tried to make contact, but after a couple of weeks with no reply I gave up on him. I think he just got a little too suspicious. Still, he provided me with hours of fun and laughter, and hopefully we will meet again in the 419 zone!


END.

 

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