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TITLE: I Don't Know About Art But I Know What I Like: The Sequel!
SCAMMER NAME: Alex O. Osamuyi
SCAMMER LOCATION: Lagos, Nigeria
SCAMBAITER: Shiver Metimbers

 

PAGE TWO

 

It takes a couple of days for Alex to reply, but he has an excuse for the delay.

From: Alex Osamuyi
To: Derek Trotter
Date: Saturday, October 29, 2005
Subject: Ref 6621211

Good Morning,

Mr. Derek.

Before i say a word, i want to say: I'm very sorry for not given any reply to your previous mails. Actually, i wouldn't be that stupid not to have given your mails a reply.

What happened to me in the past few days, what such a terrible thing: I lost one of my board members, and he was such a good man.

Well,, i beleive God knows why such thing happened. Meanwhile, i would have given you a call if i had your number.

Sir, please, be fast about the payment; can't you see your assistance is highly needed? Please, tamper justice with mercy and make it fast as soon as possible. Once again, we're very sorry.

in addition to my last mail, i want to say: Thank you very much for the wonderful certificate, we love it.

May the almighty God, whom i serve, bless you and your family richly, in Jesus name, say amen.

 

 

Lets give Alex some "good news" about his artists pictures.

From: Derek Trotter
To: Alex Osamuyi
Date: 30 Oct 2005

Dear Mr. Osamuyi,

Ref: 6621211

Apologies for the slight delay in getting the donation payment to you. Hopefully your payment will be processed and sent to you tomorrow (Monday). The problem we have is that one of our four board members is working away in Scotland and will not arrive back until tomorrow morning. Your payment requires the authorisation signature of all four board members, as well as myself. I hope you can understand the delay.

Thank you for your reply and please pass on my condolences to your member's family.

I also have some extremely good news for you (and your two artists). On Friday and Saturday your artists work was framed and then put on to display in our gallery (see the attached picture and you will see your artwork on display). Well, on Saturday, a lady who is one of our most regular customers decided to buy two pieces of artwork, and one of the pieces that she bought was the one painted by your artists Mr. Frank Enofe and Mr. Omobude Osakpamwan! Please pass on my thanks to them and they should be very proud that their work was sold so quickly.

Our pieces take up to one or two weeks to sell usually. The artwork sold for UK £17,250 in total (US $30,595) and the lady was extremely pleased with it. Referring back to the picture, the lady to the right of the photograph was the one who made the purchase.

I have attached a photograph of the sales receipt for you to show and congratulate your artists. Hopefully we can do more business together soon.

Anyway, back to your donation payment. As I told you above, I am happy to tell you that the payment will be calculated and paid to you in full hopefully within the next 24 hours. As your artists work has done so well in our gallery I think you can expect to receive more than you may have expected!

I will be in touch with you sometime on Monday.

Kind regards,

Derek Trotter
Director
Trotters Fine Arts
www.deltrotter.co.uk

Time to Photoshop some more fake stuff:

Alex's art on display
Click to enlarge
Sales receipt for the artwork
Click to enlarge

 

I'm sure Alex will be overjoyed at my good fortune!

 

 

From: Alex Osamuyi
To: Derek Trotter
Date: Sunday, October 30, 2005
Subject: Ref 6621211

Good Evening, Sir.

I must express myself with utmost sincerity that my board members and myself was very happy to seeing your last mail. Though, we're still in a very big shock because of the great lost of our humble board member. Anyway, we still praise the name of the Almighty God.

Sir, we're very happy to hearing that; our work attracts customers. And, we hope to continuing working for your company. Well, i understand everything you said about the payment and we look forward to receiving it tomorrow as ealier said by you.

As for my boys: Frank Enofe and Omobude Osakpamwan, "i'm very proud of them", and i assure you that; they will always be at your service anytime. I know when they hear of this, they'll be very happy.

Please, Sir, do everything possible to make sure we receive the payment tomorrow.

Have a splendid night ahead. We love you.


Best Regards,

Alex .O. Osamuyi,
Managing Director,
Osamuyi Art World Foundation.

Awww.. If I didn't know Alex was a miserable little thief I would start to feel sorry for him!

 

 

Monday morning arrives, and just before I am about to send Alex his "award" this email comes in from him.

From: Alex Osamuyi
To: Derek Trotter
Date: Monday, October 31, 2005
Subject: Ref 6621211

Good Day, Sir.

Sir, on behalf of my board members, i want to say; thank you for what you've done so far and also, to refresh your memory about the names of the two of my staffs that i gave you in my previous mail, regarding the payment.

NAMES: Solomon Enofe and Wilson Idowu

COUNTRY: Nigeria

STATE: Edo

CITY: Benin City

NOTE:

WESTERN UNION, in Nigeria does not allow any amout more than $5,000 USD, because of the tight monetary system that we have here.
Don't worry Alex, the $5,000 payment ceiling won't cause me any problems.

Sir, please, i'll be glad to know the total amout that you and your board members have decided to help us with, so that i can send you more of my staff's names for easy collection.

Thanks for your understanding and God bless!

I await your swift reply.

Alex .O. Osamuyi,
Managing Director,
Osamuyi Art World Foundation.

 

 

OK, it's about time we put Alex out of his misery and let him know his award amount. There's a problem.... Well, it is Halloween so I guess it's only right to give Alex a shock.

From: Derek Trotter
To: Alex Osamuyi
Date: 31 Oct 2005

Dear Mr. Osamuyi,

Ref: 6621211

Thank you for your email yesterday.

I am pleased to announce that all our board members gathered this morning and we had a meeting to discuss your artists donation payment.

On the whole they were extremely pleased with your work, especially considering that we managed to sell your sample artwork so easily. However, one of the board members did bring up the fact that the picture you sent did not meet the minimum size requirements of 14 x 14 inches for the actual picture. The picture itself only covered 13.75 inches by 12.03 inches.

Under normal circumstances this would immediately disqualify your donation application, however I can tell you that after a very long discussion I managed to convince the board members to agree to proceed with your donation award. I had to agree to a small revision of the donation amount but nevertheless I can now send your payment in full.

Here is the payment information given to Western Union. You should be able to collect your payment later today.

Sender: Derek Trotter
Sender Location: Manchester, United Kingdom
Receiver: Solomon Enofe
Receiver Country and City: Nigeria, Benin City
Secret question answer: Like a plonker
Amount: $2.77
MTCN: 1300454199

A copy of my payment receipt is attached along with your payment award certificate.

Congratulations!

Kind regards,

Derek Trotter
Director
Trotters Fine Arts
www.deltrotter.co.uk

I attach yet more Photoshopped goodies for Alex:

 

Payment Award Certificate

Western Union Payment Receipt

I'm hoping the donation amount will provoke a nasty reaction from Alex!

 

 

Alex is a little confused. Seems I also forgot to send his shipping fee too.

From: Alex Osamuyi
To: Derek Trotter
Date: Monday, October 31, 2005
Subject: Ref 6621211

Good Day,

Mr. Derek.

Please, can you make us understand what these whole thing is all about; I mean, what do you mean by sending: two dollars and seventy seven pence. Please, i do not understand.

That wasn't up to the shipping fee. Please, don't try to fool us here.

I demand for an explanation, please.

Alex. O. Osamuyi,

managing Director,

Osamuyi Art World Foundation.

Explanation on its way soon Alex...

 

 

From: Derek Trotter
To: Alex Osamuyi
Date: 31 Oct 2005

Dear Al,

Ref: 6621211

Thank for your email.

Look, I'm not sure how to take your reply. I must admit to being a little puzzled. I did tell you that those miserable scrotes on the board didn't want to award you anything because the picture was below the required size didn't I? I did give those guys a damn good earbashing to convince them to pay up, you would have been proud of me.

You haven't spent all the donation money already have you? Please don't blow it all at once. I know what it's like to go out on the town with a full wallet. The temptation to spend spend spend is very great, but you must try to resist.

What are the chances of having some more artwork delivered? I could do with seven pictures to be delivered before Friday next week. The lady who bought your last picture for £17,250 has been back in the gallery today and wants to purchase two more paintings from the same artists. How about I send you $10 tomorrow, and lets say $30 on delivery for the seven pictures, would that be OK with you? I could give you a generous percentage of the sales, say 0.31%

Cheers,

Derek Trotter
Director
Trotters Fine Arts
www.deltrotter.co.uk


 

Alex isn't amused, and to his credit he seems to be trying hard to be diplomatic.

From: Alex Osamuyi
To: Derek Trotter
Date: Tuesday, November 1, 2005
Subject: Ref 6621211

Good morning, Sir.

How was your night? i quess you slept well. Anyway, i really do not know what terms to use to you understand that; You don't know the dermage you're about to cause, by doing what you're about doing rightnow.

Mr.Derek, at the begining, this wasn't what we agreed on. Sir, you must know that; we've worked for you and in the course of doing this, we also lost one of our members, which 'tll now, we're still not recovered from.

Sir, befor i say anything forther, i must say we're very sorry for not completing the inches as directed by you. But, on the other hand, we also thought it was okay aswell, because; We've done a lot of work of this same kind of which we get back in return a good remark.

How i wish you know what you're about doing to us now, Sir, you must compromise. Your work was done to the best of our knowledge and we spent so much on the long run. Sir, don't you think this is a world-wide-disgrace? How could you and your board concluded in sending TWO DOLLARS AND SEVENTY SEVEN CENTS to a whole organization who worked and sweat for you. Please, sir, if this is a joke, i think this is too expensive to afford.

Mr, Derek, you know what is due us. Please, sit your members down once again and beg on our behalf to have a rethink over this whole thing and tell them to tamper justice with mercy. You know it's not proper for any reasonable man to just walk magestically to a bank to collect such an amout of money.

Please, have mercy on us, we need your help, we lost a member who's survived by a wife and a daughter. Can't you see much is expected from us as organisation ought to be?

Once again, i beg you in the name of God and we promise to always do your work the way it will please you next time because, i don't want this to be the end of our relationship. Please, print this message and distribute it to everyone of your members, tell them we're sorry.

You and i know how much it takes to ship any commodity at any courier service. Remember you also said that the shipping charges will also be paid back in full, remember? Please, don't make me doubt those words of yours because i know you're a man of honour.

I promise once again to make it up to you next time. Sir, what you know is due us, please just do and send it to us, please. Meanwhile, if we've offended you in anyway, we're highly sorry.

Have a nice day and God bless you. I'll be waiting to hearing from you today.

Alex .O. Osamuyi,
Director,
Osamuyi Art World Foundation.

 

 

From: Derek Trotter
To: Alex Osamuyi
Date: 1 Nov 2005

Dear Al,

Ref: 6621211

Thanks for your email and yes, I did sleep well, thank you for asking.

You are right of course, the arrangement of receiving a SATISFACTORY submission was that we would indeed reimburse your shipping etc. but unfortunately your artists screwed up in a big way. Sorry, but rules is rules.

I truly do not think this is, as you so eloquently put it, a "world-wide-disgrace", I think you'll find that honour falls to Cliff Richard, but maybe we should agree to differ on that one. I'm sorry that you spent so much on the long run. Personally, I'm too lazy to run a marathon, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

I understand that it is not proper for you to majestically walk to the bank to collect such an amount, but lets stop to think here; we're talking about $2.77. Forget about the majestic walk, get your arse into gear and run to the bank before someone else gets to it.

Again I am sorry to learn about your board member who is now pushing up the daisies. It must be awful for his wife and daughter, however I have a suggestion; is his widow pretty? If so, why not suggest prostitution to her? It's a sure fire way to get some easy cash and enjoy herself at the same time. Then again, maybe she has been dipped in the ugly pond? In that case it may be better to sell off her daughter for some loose change. I have a contact who would probably be interested in purchasing her. Let me know, I'm sure we can work something out.

Thank you for calling me a man of honour, however I feel a bit guilty that you called me that. You see, I slapped a badger once, and I've never really got over the guilty feeling. I find it hard to sleep at night because of the memories of those dark times.

Anyway, enough of your problems, I have a big one myself.

Today the lady who purchased your painting came into the gallery to make a serious complaint. We have had to refund her the full £17,250 price of the painting PLUS an additional £5,000 compensation for stress and travel (she had to fly from London).

Your supposed artist apparently used low cost paint and paper to produce the painting, and the result was what I can only describe as a "melting" effect on the picture and some areas have become corrupted. Please see the attached picture and you can see this effect, must noticeable in the faces of the people in the picture and the logo hanging from the cross on the right of the picture. The effect can also be seen on the greeting card on the table.

Now because of the bad products your artists have used I have now had to pay out £5,000 in compensation. Please let me know when your artists will be sending me the full amount of £5,000 which they now owe me.

Cheers,

Derek Trotter
Director
Trotters Fine Arts
www.deltrotter.co.uk

Time for another Photo-chop:

 

 

Alex starts to employ strong-arm tactics

From: Alex Osamuyi
To: Derek Trotter
Date: Wednesday, November 2, 2005
Subject: Ref 6621211

Greetings, Mr Derek.

No matter how the broblems may seem like, i'll never be lack of my courtesy to anyone, that's why i greet you.

But, on the hand, mr Derek, i want to ask you again: Do you know where you're heading to? i quess you don't know. Tell it to any idiots or fools, they will never beleive your lies about the picture you sent back to me. After roughing the surface with an unwanted paint yourself, you think you can just get away with that, hum?

Mr Derek, i don't need your donation anymore, all i need now is: MY PAYMENT FOR THE WORK I WORKED FOR YOU which i will not collect nothing less than: $ 3, 500 USD. And i also want my shipping charge back, which not less than $95 USD.

Mind you, you have 4 days counting from today to pay up or you'll face the consequece. Note: i knew no member of your but you. It's your name alone that i have.

You may dare me if you wish. But, the end justifies the means.

Alex Osamuyi,

Director,

Osamuyi Art World Foundation.

 

 

From: Derek Trotter
To: Alex Osamuyi
Date: 2 Nov 2005

Dear Al,

Ref: 6621211

Thanks for the email buddy.

Regarding where I'm heading to, well later this week I am on my way to Amarillo, because this whole affair has had me weeping like a willow.

Let me get this straight Al; you are suggesting to me that I took your painting, which I sold for £17,250, and then made it completely worthless by "roughing" the surface myself, and therefore as a consequence I have had to return the £17,250 PLUS another £5,000 in compensation? Tell me, what class A drugs are you taking these days?

You are also asking me for $95 in shipping charges, yet I know for a fact you only paid 5775 Naira ($45) to ship the artwork to me. I think you're trying to pull a fast one here Al old bean. I can respect that though, I would probably do the same, nudge nudge, wink wink!

Tell you what I'll do: Your "artists" currently owe me £5,000 because of their crappy workmanship. You say that your charge for the grotty artwork is $3,500, which is approximately UK £1,985. OK, so I'll deduct the £1,985 from the £5,000 which makes just £3,015 that you now owe me. Just let me know how you want to pay me this outstanding amount and hopefully we can get this all wrapped up by the weekend.

Now, if you have a problem with that and don't want to pay up, then I suggest you contact my local police station and make a complaint. The inspector there is Mr. Morse and his email address is inspector.morse@xxxxxpolice.co.uk or if you prefer contact the main complaints desk which is info@xxxxxpolice.co.uk

I look forward to receiving my payment from you in due course.

Cheers,


Derek Trotter
Director
Trotters Fine Arts
www.deltrotter.co.uk

 

 

Alex wheels out the old faithful scammer standby tactic, the voodoo curse.

From: Alex Osamuyi
To: Derek Trotter
Date: Thursday, November 3, 2005
Subject: Ref 6621211

Mr Derek,

It seems you wants to feel the anguish of a provoked AFRICAN man. If that's how you want it, then you'll surely have it.

Well, i never intends to do this, now that you think; you're too big to die misteriousely, then let's face it. Mr Derek, you still have one or two days to pay up that money i demanded for, failing to respond after this grace period, then i'll have to travelled back to my VILLAGE were i came from.

You see, i'm proud to be an AFRICAN and i'm extreemly pleased to be an EDO man. I feel so bittered about this whole thing and the remedy that will cure these whole pain is to make sure You, Mr Derek does not see the light of day before this chrismax.

My grand father is the chief priest to the god of my village "UDUKAKA" he knows when his children is been cheated upon. So, he'll need nothing but your NAME, WHAT YOU DO and WHERE YOU ARE.

Usually, the god gives certain period of grace for the offender to to have a rethink and pay up his/her charges for the pain cost. But, unfortuntely, that grace period is not going to be revealed to you, but you'll be on the advantage when you act quickly now!

UDUKAKA is known for her rightful judgement. To refresh your memory, when you're gone, maybe your wife and your daughter, if you have one, will also be used for prostitution, as you which for your fellow man.

Now i know the reason why this world finds it difficult to have peace. I know rightfully well that: we do not avenge any offenses nor kill by guns e.t.c, but we're richly blessed with all kinds of voodoos and sharms and we're very proud of it. Dare us, mr Derek.

My grand dad takes great pleasure in doing something of this kind that we're about to emback on, because; HE'S VERY AGED NOW. His ancestors are as follows: OGUN, ISANGO, AYELALA, to mention, but a few. Ugbokoniro is my rightfull village.

Mr Derek, your life can only be spared if you pay up my sweat money in the sum of: $3,595 USD within the next 2 days. I pitty you! Why have you decided to wreck your life like this?

I expect my money in 2 days time, that's my judgement. You may take those words for granted, if you wish to go below 6ft now.

Alex Osamuyi.

Director

Osamuyi Art World Foundation.

 

 

From: Derek Trotter
To: Alex Osamuyi
Date: 3 Nov 2005

Dear Al,

Ref: 6621211

Thank you for your email.

You are completely correct Al, I am indeed too big to die mysteriously. Last time I checked I was 6 foot 7 inches tall and weighed 18 stone. Yes it's true, maybe I do need to lose some weight, and dying mysteriously is just not an option for a guy of my size. My death would indeed be noticed. For heaven's sake, my employees would be falling all over me, I take that much space up, so in that respect I agree with you 100%

What's with this two days crap? Yesterday you told me four days. Surely I should have three more days, or does time run slightly faster in Nigeria?

And what is "chrismax"? Is that anything like Pepsi Max? If so then you'll take my advice and steer clear of it. Pepsi don't like anyone infringing their copyright and if you think Mike Tyson is a hard-ass then you haven't dealt with the Pepsi lawyers.

Don't bother about waiting the two days to get back to your village Al. I can tell you now 100% that you will not get a single penny from me. In fact it is YOU that owes me £3015. However, unlike you I am a civilised man so I won't give you any threats because, well to be honest life is good here so why should I ruin it by having you put in my supersize blender like my last wife?

I tried voodoo once actually Alex. Didn't work for me though. My penis is still only 9 inches long instead of the promised 12 inches. Damn lying voodoo doctors, they are all the same. They spend hours dancing around a pile of bones whilst you sit there bored to tears, and at the end of it all you have is a sore arse and a tiny knob.

A word of warning though Al; you say your grandfather is very aged now? Well I beseech you, please do not wait two more days for me to pay, put him to work right now. You never know, at his age he might just keel over and die, so you want to make sure he gets the voodoo curse out to me before he croaks it. There's nothing worse than a missed opportunity.

Who are Ogun, Isango, and Ayelala? Are they part of a pop group over there? I must confess my knowledge of Nigerian supergroups is very limited. Have they had much chart success? Please do let me know if they plan to tour the UK and I will be sure to book tickets to see them. Please pass on my regards to them and if they take my advice they will book the Royal Albert Hall if they decide to gig in the UK. It's a huge venue so they will earn plenty of cash. Tell them to watch out for the groupies though. I went to see Eric Clapton there last year and the groupies he had were right old dogs.

So Alex, here's the deal:

1. DON'T wait two days. Get on with the voodoo right now.
2. DON'T expect any money from me. It ain't gonna happen.
3. DON'T let your grandfather get too cold. At his age he has to be careful.
4. DON'T let Ogun, Isango, and Ayelala tour over here without some very warm clothing.
5. DON'T forget to brush your teeth before you god to bed.

Cheers buddy,

Derek Trotter
Director
Trotters Fine Arts
www.deltrotter.co.uk

 

 

Looks like my number is up.

From: Alex Osamuyi
To: Derek Trotter
Date: Friday, November 4, 2005
Subject: Ref 6621211

Mr Derek,

i pity for you and now your time is over

Alex Osamuyi.

Director

Osamuyi Art World Foundation.

 

 

From: Derek Trotter
To: Alex Osamuyi
Date: 4 Nov 2005

Dear Al,

Ref: 6621211

Before I proceed to address the points in your email I would like to apologise for some of my remarks in my previous email to you. I ignorantly assumed that Ogun, Isango, and Ayelala were some third rate Nigerian male pop group. However, a trip to my local record store today confirmed that (as you already know) they are Nigerian superstars, and are in fact female. How dumb do I feel now?!

I didn't realise how famous they actually are, and you are to be congratulated on having such famous relatives. My field of expertise is actually in avian pornography so I hope you will forgive my lack of musical knowledge. I had no idea that Ogun, Isango, & Ayelala had produced an album with The Temptations, who are one of my most favourite groups. I immediately purchased their CD this morning (see the attached image below) and I have to say I am very impressed with them. I'm really looking forward to their UK tour. Any chance of blagging me some free tickets?

I must confess to being a little disappointed by the brevity of your latest message. I would appreciate it more if you could go into some detail as to the manner of my impending death so that my widow-to-be can make the proper preparations. I haven't decided on the music to accompany my funeral, but perhaps at least one track from Ogun, Isango, and Ayelala would be appropriate. What do you think?

Please write back soon.

Derek Trotter
Director
Trotters Fine Arts
www.deltrotter.co.uk

 

 

 

Is Alex resigned to give up on me?

From: Alex Osamuyi
To: Derek Trotter
Date: Monday, November 7, 2005
Subject: Ref 6621211

Mr. Derek,

just as you know, you're the fool and not me.

That false CD that you designed yourself can also be done by me too. I can decide to paint it and sell because it's very beautiful.

Never in the history of musicians that such names exist. Actually, i decided not to reply any of your mails because of the low level of your understanding.

Regarding what i intented doing to you, my board members and i have decided to let go of that evil plans. Well, you're very lucky.

I'll not do no such thing again and i've decided to let the almighty God judge you and i. But, if you which to pay back my shipping and my expenses in the cost of running your work, then i'll be expecting it.

Best of friends always.

Alex .O. Osamuyi,
Managing Director,
Osamuyi Art World Foundation.

 

 

From: Derek Trotter
To: Alex Osamuyi
Date: 7 Nov 2005

 

Dear Al,

Ref: 6621211

It's a shame you cannot take a joke, I guess you don't have a good sense of humour, which again is a shame.

As for my low level of understanding, please, tell me exactly what it is that I do not understand? You have already shown yourself to be a liar. You stated you paid $95 for the shipping, yet I have solid proof that you only paid $46 (5775 Naira). Why should I believe anything you say to me now, now that you have proved yourself to be a liar, and in the face of God too?

Please do paint the CD Alex. Hopefully you can sell lots of copies and make enough money to pay the £3015 you still owe me!

About the shipping fees; forget about those Alex. I will not be paying them, even if you only want one dollar.

I guess you will no longer be contacting me, so I wish you good luck.

Regards,

Derek Trotter
Director
Trotters Fine Arts
www.deltrotter.co.uk

Will Alex ever reply to me?

 


 

Update 11th November 2005

Looks like Alex has given up on me unfortunately. I've had no reply to my email above.

I might get in touch with him in a month or so from a different email address to see if we can get him on the hook again, but as far as this particular scambait goes I think it's all over. Still, not to worry as there are many many more scammers out there to take my pick from

 

END.

 


This scambait is dedicated to the memory of:

Mark Time

1971 - 2005
A dedicated scambaiter.

 

 


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